FINAL GIRL explores the slasher flicks of the '70s and '80s...and all the other horror movies I feel like talking about, too. This is life on the EDGE, so beware yon spoilers!

Oct 27, 2013

amazon one-star reviews: HELLRAISER

It's been reported recently that the world of "Hollywood" is revving up to remake Hellraiser. Clive Barker, who wrote and directed the original film will be writing the script. Doug Bradley, the OG Pinhead, will be returning as...well, as Pinhead. Barker has said he wants the filmmakers to utilize practical effects over CGI.

Heidi Honeycutt and I talked about this a bit on The Re-Scare-ening last night, wondering why this is even really a thing. A caller expressed similar sentiments, that after so many sequels the franchise has been ground-up beyond salvaging. I confessed that I like Hellraiser, but I don't like like it. All in all, I guess it was a Very Special Episode.

But I know you guys love you some Cenobites. The original film was featured here earlier today, for it placed on your chosen scariest films at #46. During SHOCKtober 2010, Hellraiser was ranked #41 on the list of readers' all-time favorites, and during 2011's SHOCKtober festivities Pinhead was voted a favorite genre character. Geez, I get it already!

As I said, I don't like like it myself, but there's no way I'd give the film a one-star review. However, I am not this person:
this movie is boring, all it is is a few sex scenes and a few modified people walking around, put that in a blender and you have hellraiser, not forgetting it's effortless 'special effects' with the plastic face at the beginning, with the eyes still in and the shape of the face is still there, that's not scary, it's just rediculous, i hate this movie, i demanded my money back after renting it, it's a complete waste of money even to rent. 
I am not even going to bother with any of the sequels for this movie, 'there are like 9 million of them so one of them has to be good' wrong! they are all probably crap. 
Pinhead is a stupid demon, who would be scared of a man with nails jammed into his brain? they would be a vegtable and would not do anything to you at all, and the fact that a tiny little rubix cube in disguise of a puzzle box could be a gateway to hell, i would stomp on the cube and break it. 
This movie is stupid and deseres 0 stars (wich i would give it if amazon did not have 1 star at lowest rate).
I mean, you have to admit...that bit about Pinhead being a "vegtable"? That's just science. You can't argue with science!


MARTIN said...

Well, I have to disagree with that review. In fact, it was nothing short of rediculous.

Cinema & Television said...

Just wanted to give a big thanks to you and Heidi for last nights The Re-Scare-ening. It was a total hoot and I hope it won't be another three years before we get to enjoy another episode again!

As for Hellraiser, I'm kinda of in the same camp as Stacie. Overall I enjoy it, but I far from love it.

Enzd said...

'there are like 9 million of them so one of them has to be good'

...does anyone really think this of movie sequels? In my experience movie sequels in general are rarely legitimately 'good'

I don't know if 'rarely legitimately good' is actually English, but it's probably pretty close.

Chris Otto said...

I think this reviewer has made a KEY breakthrough in the analysis of the horror genre. None of us realized it, but 90% of all horror films fall into this category of "a few modified people walking around." Finally, we can start to TRULY explain the genre.

CashBailey said...

I have to admit, I did have a good chuckle at the line about the sequels.

Stupid people are funny.