FINAL GIRL explores the slasher flicks of the '70s and '80s...and all the other horror movies I feel like talking about, too. This is life on the EDGE, so beware yon spoilers!

Jul 31, 2009

awesome movie poster friday - the CRAP I BOUGHT ON VHS RECENTLY edition!

Yes, it's true- I recently bought these movies on VHS for cheap cheap cheap. Where oh where? Why, at my pal Eric's store, that's where...or as it's more commonly known, Spudic's Movie Empire. Los Angeles locals, it's a great place to browse. Everyone else, you can still get movies from Eric via the magic of mail order. He even does special orders, y'all. Yee haw! I've got some movies to watch, some of which I've (gasp) never seen.

Jul 30, 2009

a few of my favorite zombies

The recent passing of Clayton Hill ("Sweater Zombie" from George Romero's Dawn of the Dead) has got me thinking about all those undead folk who've made an impression over the years. They (usually) don't speak and they're often one of a thousand walking corpses trying to eat the ragtag group of survivors, but we remember them regardless. Actually, horror fans don't simply remember these zombies, we celebrate them. Be honest, horror nerds- if a woman were to come up to you on the street and say "I was Majorette Zombie!" you'd know exactly who she was, right? And you'd be psyched to meet her, you know it...although you'd wonder why she felt the need to approach you and boast of her claim to fame a propos of nothing. Here are a few of my favorite American Rotties.
1. Nameless Zombie (Dawn of the Dead '04)
She died without a name, which is sad. Then she came back to life and hauled ass trying to put the bite on Sarah Polley, which is understandable but not very nice. I like to pretend it's actually Dame Edith Massey as a zombie, which is a dream of mine that sadly will never be- at least never in the fictional sense. I suppose if there should ever be a zombie apocalypse, then the late Massey will rise from the grave. I won't know how to feel.
2. Softball Zombie (Land of the Dead)
She seems kind of depressed and sort of nice, but in the end I doubt if she'd want to be friends.
3. Cirque du Zombay (Night of the Living Dead '90)
I wonder how that happened. To be frank, he's probably better off undead.
4. Graveyard Zombie (Night of the Living Dead '68)
The one that started it all, and one of my absolute most favoritest. The fact that he really was coming to get Barbra is what's known as ironicalosity.
5. Urban Zombie (Dawn of the Dead '78)
I love her menacing-yet-laid-back attitude.
6. Dr. Tongue (Day of the Dead '85)
Total gross-out icon. Great title sequence. I love Day of the Dead.
7. Nurse Zombie & Sweater Zombie (Dawn of the Dead)
If you watch Dawn of the Dead and pay close attention, you'll see that Sweater Zombie really gets around- he's outside doing his thing, then he's taking a ride on the escalator, then he's back outside with his partner-in-crime (and off-screen wife) Nurse Zombie (Sharon Ceccatti). You have to admire his moxie and his sweater vest.
8. Toothy Zombie (Day of the Dead)
Toothy is one of the zombies corralled by the evil Army dudes so Dr. Logan can get his experimentation on- in other words, she's one of those zombies that gets the audience asking "OMG, who are the real monsters here? Is it us? I'm not sure. I mean, we're not trying to eat anybody, but on the other hand, we're jerks..." Her "every other chomper" look totally influenced the zombie designs in my comic They Won't Stay Dead!- those janky teefs are how you know they're zombies!
9. Bug Eating Zombie (Night of the Living Dead)
Proving that zombies are grosser than we'd initially realized, Bug Eating Zombie plucks a bug off a tree and gulps it down- know...her name suggests. Did you know that Bug Eating Zombie is portrayed by hot piece Marilyn "Mrs. Cooper" Eastman? It's true. Dazzle your friends with trivia!
10. Bub (Day of the Dead)
11. Silent Movie Zombie (Night of the Living Dead)
I. Love. Him. I love how he totally overacts when the fire is waved in his face...but what I love even more is that after he overcomes his fear of the flames, Silent Movie Zombie gets irritated by them. He RULES.
12. Nathan Grantham (Creepshow)
Nathan Grantham is an anomaly in the zombie world- he can talk! He has a motivation for killin' beyond simple hunger! Best of all, he rises from the grave- I really wish we'd see more of that in zombie cinema. Something just occurred to me. Let's think about what Grantham did after he decapitated poor old Aunt Sylvia, shall we, because he did a lot: he put her head on a tray. He found the frosting, then went in the silverware drawer for a knife. He frosted her head very carefully, then went searching for candles. After cramming them into her head, somehow (let's be honest, it probably took a while to get them to stay standing), he got matches or a lighter and lit them all. And he had to time all of this very carefully in order to surprise Cass and Richard as they approached the door! What a go-getter. So, who's the most memorable zombie to you? Machete Zombie? Naked Zombie? Your mom? Ha ha, I made that last one up. Or did I?

Jul 29, 2009

Post-SDCC wrap-up extravaganza

So the 4.5-day nerd prom known as "San Diego Comic-Con" has come and gone for another year. I was there the entire time, and now I'd like to give you a glimpse into all that transpired. There were hundreds of thousands of people in attendance, celebrities galore, panels and previews of upcoming films and shows, and more nerdy crap to buy than could ever be wished for by someone who loves to buy nerdy crap. Pull up your pants and hang on, kids, 'cause here's my big post-show rundown! It's all the very definition of EXCITEMENT.
  • I ate gelato
  • I attended no panels
  • I saw Ron Moore going into a restaurant and I had to contain my geekery
  • What do you mean, you don't know who Ron Moore is?
  • I foisted Ludlow on my friends
  • Said friends are still talking to me, so I suppose that's good
  • I attended no parties
  • I did some work, shooting footage for a something something that will be announced soon
  • I really didn't do much except hang out with my friends I only see at SDCC, as they live on the other side of the country
  • Two of said friends got married on Sunday and it was really nice and I was totally crying like a baby
  • This display was most unexpected and embarrassing
  • Wait, I didn't cry- I didn't mean that. I am a cynical and jaded horror fan and being happy for your friends is dumb
  • I ate more gelato
  • I got a sunburn on the ride home because I'm still not used to living somewhere that requires the use of sunblock 360 days a year
  • I miss gelato
And there you go. Aren't you sad you weren't there? It's alright, friend. The rock star life isn't for everyone.

Jul 22, 2009

talk amongst yourselves!

I don't know what my problem is lately, but I've been having difficulty making up my mind about...everything. Maybe it's the onset of summer's scorching heat, which leaves one feeling as if one resides within a tramp's tube sock. Maybe it's my brain shutting down to reserve energy in anticipation of the coming weeks, which will be busy busy biz-ZAY. Whatever the cause, it's resulted in my spending a lot more time than usual staring off into space. It all goes something like this:
  1. I look at my movies, trying to figure out what to watch
  2. I can't decide between A, B, C and so on through ZZZ
  3. Thinking becomes too much work
  4. Brain go MEHHHH
  5. Sit down
  6. Stare off into space trying to try to decide to decide
Blah blah blah. I did manage to make it to a press screening of Orphan, however, and I really dug, you know, whatevs. Go see it! It's fun with a capital no really it was. Speaking of orphans, I did manage to recently watch Safe Harbor starring Tracey Gold, wherein she portrays a tough-as-nails-but-totally-vulnerable-underneath-said-tough-veneer detective tracking a serial killer who targets former residents of a children's home. I hate to say it, but not even the idea of Tracey Gold as a tough-as-nails-but-totally-vulnerable-underneath-said-tough-veneer detective could save that stinker. I knew who the killer was the first time the killer appeared onscreen, and it was all a bit rote. Sigh. 'Twas a disappointment, but such is life.

Anyishouldwatchfaceofeviltomakeupforthatsafeharborshit, I'm only telling you all this because I'm sitting here trying to decide when to depart for San Diego Comic Con. I can't make up my mind, although I need to rather soon know, the con has already started. I may leave late tonight...or tomorrow...or tomorrow night...or..................brain go MEHHHH.

But! I know for a fact that no matter when I leave, I'm 99.9999992% positive that I won't be posting any more until I return next week. I hope to catch the screening of Trick R Treat while I'm there, so I'll come back and tell you allllllll about it. I have no idea what else I'll be doing at the con- that's just way too much planning in advance and THINKING for me right now.

I know you'll miss me so effing much you'll hardly be able to stand it (and I you, kids...and I you), but fret not, pretties! Here are some Dallas paper dolls you can print out and play with while I'm gone. They'll keep you company as only paper drawings of Dallas cast members can.

Savvy readers (ie all of you) will SURELY note that Sue Ellen's black and white dress is the number she was wearing the night she was arrested for shooting JR. I mean, a-DOY.

Savvy readers will also note that under all his tough talk and shady business practices, that JR is a true patriot.

one, two, etc etc

Did y'alls get a gander at the first image of Jackie Earle Haley as Freddy Krueger? Oh, what a tease!

At least the hallmarks seem to be there. I'm not the biggest Freddy or Nightmare fan on the planet, and there's really no point in bemoaning remakes anymore, so...meh. I'll probably see it.

I will say that I got word from an extremely reliable source that if what's in the script actually ends up on the screen, this incarnation of Freddy's antics will be dark dark dark- darker than what we're used to from production company Platinum Dunes and certainly moreso than Mr. Krueger's late-career Henny Youngman-style performances. So, that's something. Or not.

Oooh, "source". I feel like such a journalist! Whatta scoop!

And you, gentle reader? Are you looking forward to the new Nightmare on Elm Street, or are you raising your middle finger blade at it?

"Don't forget about meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee........."

Jul 17, 2009

awesome movie poster friday - the POLANSKI edition!

The imminent release of the Criterion edition of Repulsion means it's high time I gave Polanski an of the highest honors that could possibly be bestowed on a director. is, right?

The first poster, mind you, is from the Okaaaaaaay Department: