FINAL GIRL explores the slasher flicks of the '70s and '80s...and all the other horror movies I feel like talking about, too. This is life on the EDGE, so beware yon spoilers!

Oct 10, 2013

amazon one-star reviews: THE HAUNTING (1963)


Not gonna lie, I was so super excited to see that one of my favorite favorites, The Haunting, would be getting a Blu-Ray release (this Tuesday, hooray!). Just in time for the film's 50th Anniversary, hooray again! Surely this would mean a super awesome special deluxe edition...maybe with a documentary and the alternate edit with all that additional footage I've never seen.

Not gonna lie, my metaphorical boner was completely killed when the Blu-Ray features were listed: a trailer and a pieced-together commentary from cast and director Robert Wise. Both lovely, and both available on the DVD I already have. That's it! It's the 50th Anniversary! Must I live forever without the bonus features I want? Am I only to get improved picture quality? I am stomping all of my feet, slamming all of my doors, and throwing myself on (all of my) bed(s) to cry all of my tears.


I'd say it's an even bigger tragedy that there are people who don't like this movie, people who would give it but one star on amazon.com, but those people are jerks. Hey, here's one now!
WHAT THE CHEESY HAUNTED HOUSE!!! I just bought this DVD because all these hip and all, looks really cheesy and cheap made .is not horror whatsoever, Is Barely Suspense, This is not a movie, Is like documentary and makes me laugh of this B.S, IS rated "G", how crappie and lame can be, Is not even worth the rental either, If u real wants see a classic haunting house movie, Rent or buy "The Entity" Is superior and is real haunted house and true & chilling story. Skip this lame old trash.!! 
Oh my. See, here's the thing: I'm not actually surprised that people have been disappointed with The Haunting, or perhaps just don't like it. It's widely touted as so scary, one of the best, terrifying, blah blah blah, and sometimes when expectations aren't met movies seem all the worse.

It's also dated in that the acting tends toward the melodramatic, it's got a slow pace, there's plenty of voiceover narration and it's not some big razzle-dazzle with the effects. Some jerks people just don't go for that sort of thing, I understand. It's okay. Hey, I loathe the remake, and some people enjoy it. I wouldn't want those people in my house, but they can certainly feel however they'd like to.

But to call it "crappie", well that is just going way too far!

12 comments:

Owen Garth said...

At least The Haunting has a commentary! The Legend of Hell House has nothing, not even a decent cover.

CashBailey said...

There are not enough palms and faces in the world to sufficiently illustrate how I feel about that 'review'.

vampy said...

It's a kind of fish

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crappie

But it doesn't taste very good...

Ben Manners said...

Minor redemption for digging The Entity.

JP Wendel said...

What did he expect, after all, all those hip and things lie constantly.

John said...

Though I credit my dad with instilling my love of horror movies in me, he didn't like The Haunting which is and ever will be in my top 3. I still remember tuning in to the movie for the first time on public tv, feeling a chill creeping over me at the chalk writing of "Eleanor, come home." in the 80's. Meanwhile, in the background, my dad telling that the movie was rotten. Whatevs, dad.

Marc said...

You had me at 'metaphorical boner'.

joel said...

I can't believe I've still not seen this movie, or the remake! I know why tho; I expect the remake to be shit (plus Owen Wikson, ugh) and frankly, I'm scared I won't like the original. I hear its so good and I don't want to be a jerk.

CashBailey said...

If nothing else Claire Bloom's Theo is probably the most groundbreaking (and downright beautiful) lesbian character in the history of horror. She rocked the shit in this one.

Chris Otto said...

1. Metaphorical Boner would not be a good name for a band. I think.

2. Cash is 100% correct on Claire Bloom.

3. I'm not supposed to reveal this, but the true special feature of the Blu-Ray is that it will activate the Cthulu presence within your house and cause all of your doors to open and close randomly for 30 days, but only between the hours of 2-4 a.m. Cheers.

Tom said...

Really, though, what the cheesy inDEED. The writer was clearly misled because of these hip and all. At least it made him laugh of this B.S. In these troubled times laughter is good for all of us. I'm glad they warned me that it is not even worth the rental either, because with all the venues from which renting this film are easily available, the risk of my renting this lame old trash was high indeed.

vwstieber said...

I would like to be able to rate the reviews on grammar or spelling.