FINAL GIRL explores the slasher flicks of the '70s and '80s...and all the other horror movies I feel like talking about, too. This is life on the EDGE, so beware yon spoilers!

Oct 31, 2022

SHOCKtober Day 31

Well, this is it pal...end of the line! Boy, depending on intonation that can really sound like a threat, huh? Since this is text, I guess you'll have to figure out for yourself how I meant it.

No matter how I meant it, it is true that today marks SHOCKtober's end. By next week it'll be soft and sagging and browning and leaking. You know, like an expired jack-o-lantern. Will anyone scoop it up and toss it by some far away-ish trees, where it can be eaten and enjoyed by some local animals until its remains return to the soil from whence it came? Or will we all pretend we don't see it in the hopes that someone else will do the scooping? What am I even talking about anymore? Who knows, it's been a long month, okay! It's time for what the French might (don't) call le last favorite character... 


According to the legends, Rhonda Johnson was born Valerie Johnson. On the eve of her big modeling break--a Cosmopolitan cover shoot in Paris--she suffered a tanning bed accident that left her upper back, her breasts, and the top and back of her head horribly scarred. But while you couldn't see them, her heart and soul suffered the most scarring! 

Valerie changed her name and opened a business: Rhonda's Workout. But all those beautiful people reminded her or everything she lost (her modeling career, her nipples, her hair) so she started killing them. It's a terrible business plan.

This is all revealed late in the movie, when we get a glimpse of her wigless and then bewigged:

And I love that the wig is so bad!

Like it was clearly the best they could do with the budget and that's great. But I can't get enough of the idea that we're supposed to think she's been wearing that nest on her head through the whole movie! Until that reveal, her hair looks like it does here, in a scene where she does the two things she does best (business and being mad at someone):

Rhonda Johnson and her wig are the perhaps the greatest movie duo of all time. Why weren't they given a whole franchise? They could travel the world, starting beauty/fitness-related small businesses (though to be honest I'd be happy with her starting any kind of small business, so long as it triggers her murder rage) and then killing off their customers and any nosy cops. Yes, it would just be Killer Workout over and over with a new skin, but I don't see how that's a problem. I'm a ride-or-die for these two queens!

And so, here we are at the end of another SHOCKtober. Until next scar tissue through the hourglass, so are the wigs of our lives. 

Or something. I don't know, it's been a long month!


goblin said...

October just wouldn't be the same without SHOCKtober. Thanks for pumpkin-spicing up another spooyk season.

Happy Halloween!

Steve M. said...

Hi, Stacie.
Thank you, thank you, merci beaucoup (I think the French do say that)!
I have had so much fun checking in for each day's character post, throughout the month.
All power to you, and the joys of low-budget practical effects.

Steve M.

Stacie Ponder said...

Thanks for reading and checking in, y'all! Long live Lady SHOCKtober!

Steve said...

Farewell to my favorite month. Thanks for keeping SHOCKtober alive, Stacie!

Jason Adams said...

"How do we know she IS alive?" I wish you could have seen me laughing so hard that I woke my boyfriend up watching that clip the other night. Well I don't entirely wish that, because that would make you my Wall Person. Although I think there are worse people to have as one's Wall Person. No offense intended! If I could choose my Wall Person you'd be Top 5, Stacie, I really mean that from the bottom of my heart. I could hum a few bars from "The Ballad Of Harry Warden" and you'd know I'd summoned you and we could whisper through the wall about Rhonda Johnson and other sundries. Anyway my point is Shocktober has once again brought much joy into my life, and if you're looking for a wall to live in hit me up.

Stacie Ponder said...

Hahaha that was me with the puking nun clip this month: I could not stop watching and was absolutely dying over the four seconds of *screeeeee RARBABABABA*

And thank you as always Jason! You know, in this economy...maybe someday you will get your very own Bad Ronald!! (me)

Riccardo said...

Thanks for SHOCKtober! It was truly a cornucopia for we Finalistas. I can't decide if the retching nun or "How do we know she *is* alive?" is my favorite, though the detail about La Choy in AmityUno really makes me go "Hmmm." (I looked up the word "retching" to make sure I was using it correctly and Oxford's defines it as "make the sound and movement of vomiting" which is accurate since we, fortunately, do not see any actual "stuff.")

Stacie Ponder said...

All of you are so nice, thank you! And thanks for reading all month. Finalistas 4eva ㅠㅠ

Me said...

I did a podcast segment on this article