FINAL GIRL explores the slasher flicks of the '70s and '80s...and all the other horror movies I feel like talking about, too. This is life on the EDGE, so beware yon spoilers!

Oct 13, 2022

SHOCKtober Day 13

As big-brained humans, we struggle with the so-called "meaning of life" and all of the big questions raised in our pursuit of said meaning. Why are we here? What is our purpose? What are we to do during our finite years? Is there a point to any of it?

Some folks find solace in their faith, secure in the knowledge that our lives are a part of some God's plan: a plan which includes watching reruns of Touched by an Angel here on Earth and then being granted a heavenly reward when our souls slough off their skin suits and make for the big...uh, place where you watch reruns of Touched by an Angel in the sky.

Others remain unsure about the why of it all but perhaps taking comfort in the simplicity of cogito ergo sum, reassured by Descartes that we do, in fact, exist. That may be an end in and of itself, and reruns of Touched by an Angel are just a bonus.

Regardless of whether one snuggles up to a bosomful of heavenly or earthly delights for comfort, however, humanity's deliberate and subconscious goal is ultimately to impose order on the chaos of life. We are here, life is queer...but if there's some sort of order we can kind of get used to it.

Lest you begin to feel too comfortable tackling those questions that plague mankind, though, Cathy's Curse is here to remind you that you know absolutely nothing and you never truly will. Like a member of The Flat Earth Society or a cinematic hardened rogue vigilante cop, Cathy's Curse feels stifled by "the law," be it the law of man or the law of nature. Cathy's Curse operates outside the system, beholden only to the rules of its own world, a world in which the logic of our world simply doesn't apply. Nothing has meaning. Meaning itself has no meaning. It laughs at your struggle as you try to figure it out, as you try to impose order on its chaos--for within this film there is only chaos.

Of course, Cathy's Curse isn't really film, it's more...something you experience. It's something that happens to you. It lingers, clouding your brain, clogging it with thoughts that may not be your own. Time will no longer have meaning. Meaning will no longer have meaning. Your new life will be consumed by Cathy's Curse, as mine was long ago, and your only choices are to adapt or to die. It's the Cathy's Curse curse!

If the characters in Cathy's Curse were actual humans, none of them would pass the Turing Test, for they do not react to situations or behave in the ways that actual humans do. This makes my job as "character chooser" particularly difficult, and I am tempted to call the film (the "film") in its entirety today's favorite character. But this feels like cheating, and so the honor goes to...


I could simply point to her bitchin' cape as reason enough to crown her. Or I could remind you that mediums are always my favorite characters, especially in horror movies from the 70s. They always go through some shit while they're communing with or channeling the dead, and I love it! Agatha is no exception: when she relives the fiery car crash that claimed the life of a young child during a reading, it's, as you might expect, a terrible experience for her. But Agatha is the only medium who ends a torturous session by saying that "we must do it again sometime." That's hardcore!

When she returns to the house later, Cathy is in the full throes of possession and tossing out incredible evil/annoyed glares.

Using the power of her possessed mind, Cathy confronts Agatha with a vision of herself as a crusty old crone: every woman's worst nightmare, amirite?

Crusty Agatha says "Well, if it isn't the great medium. 'Medium'? I'd say an 'extra-rare piece of shit!'" before the two Agathas face off against each other...

...and it feels as impactful as Father Merrin facing off with the Pazuzu statue at the beginning of The Exorcist, doesn't it?

After Cathy calls Agatha a "filthy female cow"--how many sick burns must Agatha endure??--they scream together, which unfortunately Father Merrin and Pazuzu did not do...although who knows,  maybe William Friedkin will find more unused footage and foist The Exorcist: Yet Another Version You've Never Seen on us at some point.

Then Agatha runs outside, faceplants in the snow, and is never seen again.

Did she faint? Did she die? Was she ever truly alive? Are any of us? Yet again, Cathy's Curse laughs at our struggle as we try to figure it out. Like Agatha, this movie really is an extra-rare piece of shit...and a favorite.

1 comment:

deadlydolls said...

It pains me how often I hear the word "medium" and in my mind, scream, "I'D SAY EXTRA RARE PIECE OF SHIT" but how out loud, I whisper quietly, "I'dsayextrararepieceofshit" which then usually prompts a "what did you say?" from whoever was in my proximity to which I then have to sheepishly ask, "have you ever seen Cathy's Curse?" and since 37 people in this world have, the answer is no, so then I too just run away, often to collapse in a pile of snow.