FINAL GIRL explores the slasher flicks of the '70s and '80s...and all the other horror movies I feel like talking about, too. This is life on the EDGE, so beware yon spoilers!

Oct 15, 2022

SHOCKtober Day 15

I like my vampires like I like my zombies: crusty-faced and scary-looking! I'm not going to tell you to keep your plunging necklines, your chokers, and/or your puffy sleeves away from me completely because I do enjoy a Hammer aesthetic and gothic vibe. But I am immune to the "ro" "mance" of vampire cin-e-ma, so if I have my druthers it's monstrous-looking monster bloodsuckers all the way. In what world--IN WHAT WORLD, I ask you--would I prefer a handome human-esque Mr. Barlow over the OG? In none. I want my Mr. Barlow to be bald, blue, and ten feet tall with creepy long fingers, gross rat teeth, and yellow eyes! 

Man oh man I love Salem's Lot so much.

And you know what? I'm just gonna do it: yeah, Mr. Barlow is today's favorite character. But specifically...


Why desiccated Mr. Barlow? Because that's what I look and feel like after watching Halloween Ends! It was so terrible. I mean, I expected that it would be...but I didn't expect it to be that particular kind of terrible. Imagine getting handed the keys to one of horror's greatest properties, securing iconic actors to reprise their iconic roles, getting John Carpenter to provide music once again...and doing THAT with it. Whatever THAT was. Just thinking about it turned my brain into a California raisin and dried me out so bad that I...uh oh...*turns to dust*

1 comment:

Rochester Swift said...

I was all of eight years old when I saw the original 1978 broadcast... the scene where Barlow bashes the Petrie's heads together in their own kitchen still makes me flinch. Jump scares need to deliver mayhem and vampires need to be unpredictable.