FINAL GIRL explores the slasher flicks of the '70s and '80s...and all the other horror movies I feel like talking about, too. This is life on the EDGE, so beware yon spoilers!

May 8, 2014

MANIAC MADNESS: The End of Round One!


Holy crap, y'all, yesterday was intense! Even just typing about it has me reaching for a quaalude. Okay, maybe my barbiturate addiction has me reaching...but still, yesterday was full of action. Leatherface defeated Madman Marz in landslide fashion, garnering 91% of the votes. Mrs. Voorhees and Angela were neck and neck at 50% each all day, until a few Angela fans rallied and nudged her to a 51% victory. And in a stunning upset- STUNNING I SAY- #13 seed Naked Space Vampire handily defeated #4 seed Carmilla. I thought for sure the classic lesbian vampire would trounce that brash young sci-fi upstart, but I learned a harsh lesson: never underestimate the power of a full-frontal crystal nudie.

Here's your updated bracket, reflecting all of yesterday's highs, lows, and creamy middles (a printable blank one can be found here):


Okay, let's get to it. You have a lot of voting to do, friends, because we're gonna finish out Round One. Go, team. Go.


Man, these guys really look alike, don't they? Beyond aesthetics, though, there aren't many similarities between Freddy Krueger of A Nightmare on Elm Street and The Burning's Cropsy. Sure, you might think Freddy will walk away with an easy victory here, but may I remind you: nobody ever called Cropsy a "burnt-faced pussy"!

<a href="http://www.sodahead.com/entertainment/slashers-psychos-freddy-krueger-3-vs-cropsy-14/question-4313617/" title="SLASHERS & PSYCHOS: FREDDY KRUEGER (3) vs CROPSY (14)">SLASHERS & PSYCHOS: FREDDY KRUEGER (3) vs CROPSY (14)</a>


Ah, Billy of Black Christmas and Harry Warden of My Bloody Valentine: two of my favorite wackadoos. Glad I don't have to choose between 'em!

<a href="http://www.sodahead.com/entertainment/slashers-psychos-billy-7-vs-harry-warden-10/question-4313625/" title="SLASHERS & PSYCHOS: BILLY (7) vs HARRY WARDEN (10)">SLASHERS & PSYCHOS: BILLY (7) vs HARRY WARDEN (10)</a>


Poor Kenny (Terror Train). He's humiliated right into mental illness, he kills a bunch of people whilst looking like Gene Shalit, and he ends his miserable life with a resounding SPLAT on the ice. And now he's going to be handily defeated by one of the most- if not THEN most- iconic movie psycho of all time. I know, I know, DEWEY DEFEATS TRUMAN and all that, but I think it's safe to say. You're welcome to THRILL ME with an upset, though, voters!

<a href="http://www.sodahead.com/entertainment/slashers-vs-psychos-michael-myers-2-vs-kenny-hampson-15/question-4313635/" title="SLASHERS VS PSYCHOS: MICHAEL MYERS (2) vs KENNY HAMPSON (15)">SLASHERS VS PSYCHOS: MICHAEL MYERS (2) vs KENNY HAMPSON (15)</a>


Okay, now shit gets real. The Swarm is an amazing piece of bloated animals-run-amok gorgeousness. But can the swarm of The Swarm take down Bug's fire-farting cockroaches? Excuse me- Bug's fire-farting cockroaches that can spell?!

<a href="http://www.sodahead.com/entertainment/animals-monsters-fire-farting-cockroaches-3-vs-the-swarm-14/question-4313641/" title="ANIMALS & MONSTERS: FIRE-FARTING COCKROACHES (3) vs THE SWARM (14)">ANIMALS & MONSTERS: FIRE-FARTING COCKROACHES (3) vs THE SWARM (14)</a>


Anyone who's read Final Girl longer than...well, right this second...knows that the vampire puppy has my heart. I love vampire puppy SO MUCH. However, it's but one brilliant thing- the most brilliant thing- in Zoltan: Hound of Dracula, which ultimately isn't as great as you want it to be. The Manitou, however, is but one brilliant thing in a movie chock-a-clock full of brilliant things. Seriously, it's a William Girdler-at-his-most-William Girdler production, and it's 100% amazing. Tough call, y'all. Well, for me, anyway. I don't know how you feel about these two and I don't care! Just kidding, of course I care a whole mess.

<a href="http://www.sodahead.com/entertainment/animals-monsters-vampire-puppy-7-vs-the-manitou-10/question-4313653/" title="ANIMALS & MONSTERS: VAMPIRE PUPPY (7) vs THE MANITOU (10)">ANIMALS & MONSTERS: VAMPIRE PUPPY (7) vs THE MANITOU (10)</a>


How can you choose, look how cool they both are in their shades! Okay, yeah, Leprechaun heads up a certifiable franchise...but we all know that Rumplestiltskin is the best movie ever.

<a href="http://www.sodahead.com/entertainment/animals-monsters-leprechaun-2-vs-rumplestiltskin-15/question-4313663/" title="ANIMALS & MONSTERS: LEPRECHAUN (2) vs RUMPLESTILTSKIN (15)">ANIMALS & MONSTERS: LEPRECHAUN (2) vs RUMPLESTILTSKIN (15)</a>


Look I love The Fog and I love The Exorcist but I have to get out of here because I hate Captain Howdy/Pazuzu's face

<a href="http://www.sodahead.com/entertainment/ghosts-vampires-zombies-demons-captain-howdy-3-vs-captain-blake-14/question-4313667/" title="GHOSTS, VAMPIRES, ZOMBIES, DEMONS: CAPTAIN HOWDY (3) vs CAPTAIN BLAKE (14)">GHOSTS, VAMPIRES, ZOMBIES, DEMONS: CAPTAIN HOWDY (3) vs CAPTAIN BLAKE (14)</a>


I love these rotting, undead fellows. Tarman (Return of the Living Dead) wants brains, and Nathan Grantham ("Father's Day"- Creepshow) wants cake. Who can't relate to both of them?

<a href="http://www.sodahead.com/entertainment/ghosts-vampires-zombies-demons-tarman-7-vs-nathan-grantham-10/question-4313671/" title="GHOSTS, VAMPIRES, ZOMBIES, DEMONS: TARMAN (7) vs NATHAN GRANTHAM (10)">GHOSTS, VAMPIRES, ZOMBIES, DEMONS: TARMAN (7) vs NATHAN GRANTHAM (10)</a>


Nosferatu or Mr. Barlow (Salem's Lot)? I don't what to tell you. Good frickin' luck deciding.

<a href="http://www.sodahead.com/entertainment/ghosts-vampires-zombies-demons-nosferatu-2-vs-mr-barlow-15/question-4313677/" title="GHOSTS, VAMPIRES, ZOMBIES, DEMONS: NOSFERATU (2) vs MR. BARLOW (15)">GHOSTS, VAMPIRES, ZOMBIES, DEMONS: NOSFERATU (2) vs MR. BARLOW (15)</a>


Phantasm's iconic silver sphere takes on what many consider to be the best thing about Resident Evil: those deadly lasers. This match is sure to be a cut-up. HA HA HAAAAAA i need more coffee

<a href="http://www.sodahead.com/entertainment/weirdos-weird-st-silver-sphere-3-vs-lasers-14/question-4313683/" title="WEIRDOS & WEIRD S**T: SILVER SPHERE (3) vs LASERS (14)">WEIRDOS & WEIRD S**T: SILVER SPHERE (3) vs LASERS (14)</a>


I don't really have a horse-powered horse in this race, I have to admit. The Hearse features devil worship, which is always fun, but The Car features an iconic honk, James Brolin, Kyle AND Kim Richards, and a lady who yells "Cat poo!" Wait...I totally have a horse-powered horse in this race. The Car rules my world!

<a href="http://www.sodahead.com/entertainment/weirdos-weird-st-the-car-7-vs-the-hearse-10/question-4313691/" title="WEIRDOS & WEIRD S**T: THE CAR (7) vs THE HEARSE (10)">WEIRDOS & WEIRD S**T: THE CAR (7) vs THE HEARSE (10)</a>


I know people love Chucky, but to be honest, I've never been completely enamoured...although I will say it's about time I revisit Child's Play, the film that launched Chuckmania. Still, I'm totally rooting for the underdog here, that brokedown girl version, Dolly Dearest. The Child of Satan! Denise Crosby giving her best monotone performance! Props, Dolly Dearest, props to you.

<a href="http://www.sodahead.com/entertainment/weirdos-weird-st-chucky-2-vs-dolly-dearest-15/question-4313699/" title="WEIRDOS & WEIRD S**T: CHUCKY (2) vs DOLLY DEAREST (15)">WEIRDOS & WEIRD S**T: CHUCKY (2) vs DOLLY DEAREST (15)</a>

Whee! Round One ends tonight at midnight EST, so vote vote vote while you can.

5 comments:

PineappleBoy said...

Child's Play is fine, but for me Child's Play 2 is where it's at. As soon as he's in the backyard BURYING the other doll, I was like, "...Yup."

B.E. Earl said...

Good Lord, how the HELL is Michael Myers not a 1 seed? I mean, Jason is fine and all...but Micheal Myers!

See ya in the Elite Eight, Jason!

Stacie Ponder said...

I figured Jason has more universal appeal.

Dead In Hell said...

Poor Cropsy. The guy gets no love.

As much as ANOES is just super duper great, I think I prefer Cropsy as a villain. I guess I'm a sucker for the more traditional silently-stalking-the-woods kind of maniac.

Stacie Ponder said...

For sure! Freddy is actually towards the bottom of my preferred slasher killer list.