FINAL GIRL explores the slasher flicks of the '70s and '80s...and all the other horror movies I feel like talking about, too. This is life on the EDGE, so beware yon spoilers!

Oct 10, 2009

Day 10: Haiku Time!

I watched The Morgue 'cause
it stars Heather Donahue,
"Heather" of Blair Witch.

I was psyched; I think
the Blair Witch kids should work more-
but not in such crap.

Make no mistake, friends,
This movie is bad, indeed.
Please, stay far away.

Strangers trapped inside
a funeral home at night
are chased by some dude.

There's a twist ending
you've seen before in better
movies like Dead End

and a li'l something
that's called Carnival of Souls.
I suggest you watch

one of those; I watched
this one so you don't have to.
Not scary. Acting?

Beyond atrocious.
It was just a waste of time
I should have turned off.

Oh, this cross I bear!
Watching such horrible films
'cause it's Shocktober.

But if I can stop
even one person from this
then it's all worth it.

So please, stay away
From The Morgue. If you want some
Heather Donahue

you should watch Blair Witch.
Even if you hate it, you'll
like it more than this!


Stacie Ponder said...

The only way I could muster a review for this piece o' dook was to go the poetry route.

Anonymous said...

You should have watched Trick'rTreat instead. Seriously.

Stacie Ponder said...

OKAY! :D I will, when a copy comes my way. For now, I'm watching stuff we have around the house that I've yet to see so I don't have to spend any money.

RJ said...

I'm just gonna say it: this month, it's time to review Killer Workout.

Anonymous said...

RJ has a point.

I caved on buying Trick'rTreat because to many folks I respect were praising I didn't want to wait for the "Veeeeery long wait" on Netflix. :)

goblin said...

Stacie, your review
Was a delight; Shocktober
Has been great so far

Thanks for watching this
Crapfest so we won't have to
We're very grateful

Final Girl is an
Awesome horror blog, kudos
Keep up the good work!

Anonymous said...

It is actually just as bad to see Heather in a Steak and Shake commercial.

Stacie Ponder said...

I knoooowwwww! Hey, whatever pays the bills...but still, it's a little heartbreaking.

Maybe in 20 years, the Blair Witch gang will experience what other horror actors from the 70s are experiencing: a new crop of genre directors know...want to see these actors in films!

Anonymous said...

Some guy who wants to make movies like the Rob Zombie movies he loved as a kid? ;)