Over yonder at Ye Olde AMC, my column this week lists 10 horror movies you may not have seen, but you should. I'm pretty sure I've talked about each of them at one time or another here at good ol' FG, but as we all know, I'm nothing if not completely unoriginal. But go take a gander- who knows, maybe something on there will be new to you. Or maybe they're all old news to you, Little Miss Seen It All. Fine, get all uppity about it, why don't you? Go ahead! Put on this t-shirt and tell me to cram my list! I hope it makes you feel big!
In keeping with today's theme, which is "Totally Lists!" I'm going to bust out a meme for which I was tagged by Jason over at Invasion of the B Movies, wherein I'm tasked with listing a movie I like for each letter of the alphabet. I stuck with horror movies (go figure), and it proved to be fairly tough. For some letters- S and C, for example, I had a difficult time narrowing it down from a whole lotta nominees. For some letters, I came up with el zippo (seriously, what up Y? Q? X? Those are untapped markets, people!). In the interests of diversity, I tried- TRIED- to add a few movies I like but I don't necessarily yap about all the time. And let me reiterate: these are simply movies that I like, which doesn't necessarily mean they're any good. I've never claimed to have any taste!
Enough! It's time for less list talking, more list posting. I know you're peeing your pants with excitement.
That's gross, by the way.
A - Alice, Sweet Alice
This is, of course, on the remake block. I don't know...the killer's getup is amongst the creepiest EVARRRRR and I hope it remains. The original also has a nice layer of scuzz to it which I see going bye-bye with An Updatening.
B - I'd like to reserve this space for the as-of-yet-unseen The Boneyard, but in the interests of list-making, I'll have to say Black Christmas. It's just so damn good!
C - Carnival of Souls
This movie has come up at least 50,000 times in the last month, so it's fresh in mah noggin'. Fresh and creepy, just like Uncle Roy.
D - You probably think I'm going to say The Descent here, right?
Damn straight I am!
E - Evil Dead
F - Final Destination 2
I love sooooo many horror movies whose titles start with "F" (you can tell I really mean it because of all those "o"s I used), but in the end I figured I'd go with this little joyride of a movie. I can't wait for part 4.
G - Ghost Story
Why do I have such a soft spot for this movie? It's not that great...plus there's that early scene with the bad superimposed fall featuring Craig Wasson's private no-no parts- you'd think that would be a deal breaker. It's nice that Ghost Story features a beautiful and creepy Alice Krige, though, and not just a creepy and creepy Alice Krige, as modern movies do.
H - House on Sorority Row
Here's another one I like probably more than I should...but then, I have a weakness for movies featuring friends who keep a terrible secret which comes back to bite them in the ass. Hmm...guess that explains Ghost Story, too. Wow, what a fucking revelatory day!
I - Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978)
From Donald Sutherland's 'stache-n-'fro to Brooke Adams (I heart her!) to that ending, IBS rules. IBS does not rule, however, when it's used as an acronym for Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Not that I've ever suffered from that, but if you have...consult your local librarian for information that may help you. Or something.
J - Jacob's Ladder
K - Killer Workout
I know, I know, I know. Someday, I swear. For now, let's all just click here and get that song stuck in our heads.
L - Let's Scare Jessica to Death
Here's another movie that's been on my mind a lot lately...and not just because my VHS copy used to belong to Tori Spelling! Okay, maybe a little bit that's why.
M - My Bloody Valentine
The 3D remake is imminent. The best part of that sentence is the words "three" and "dee".
N - Night of the Living Dead (1968)
I just love this damn movie.
O - The Orphanage
I'm really digging Spain's output at the moment. This movie was far schmaltzier than I'd anticipated, but that's good. Unless you hate schmaltz. Which might make you a jerk.
P - Pieces
I don't know when, exactly, I became obsessed with Pieces but it happened and I'm just going to embrace it. Basstarrrrrd!
Q - I got nothin' for Q, homies. I did see a horror movie called Quiltface once, but it stunk and I can't justify including it on this list, although in some weird way I just did. I suppose if I'd seen Quarantine, I may have included that. But then I feel the need to include...
R - [REC]
...because it's so damn awesome.
S - Superstition
Wow, I had a hard time choosing for S. Up until I started typing, I'd intended to name Silence of the Lambs...but then, I'm a woman and it's my prerogative to change my mind! I'm also a bad driver and I'm simply terrible at math...but boy, you should see my shoe collection! This uterus is a blessing and a curse, I tells ya.
T - The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974)
Sometimes I think TCM is the perfect horror film. Sometimes I think about how I'd like to have a jetpack.
Those aren't necessarily related, I am just saying.
U - Unsane
Perhaps listing Dario Argento's Tenebre as Unsane is cheating, perhaps not. There's not a lot of U out there, so I do what I have to in order to get RESULTS.
V - The Vampire Lovers
No list of anything is complete without the addition of lesbian vampires. Seriously. Even a list of, say, breakfast cereals! That's right- don't forget "Lesbo Vampire Crunch", which appeared on the market briefly in 1971 before a coalition of angry parents acting "for the sake of the children" got it pulled from shelves. Boxes still turn up on eBay every once in a while.
W - Wrong Turn
Yay inbred cannibals! YAY I SAY!
X - ?
Y - Like I said...?
Z - Zombi
I'm citing this film for many, many reasons, the biggest of which may be that iconic "We are going to eat you!" Conquistador Zombie. When his big grody face appeared on the cover of Fangoria back in the day, it about blew my mind and grossed me so far out the fucking door...plus, this movie features zombie vs shark. Plus..."We are going to eat you!" is so made of awesome it's not even funny. NOT EVEN.
Well, that was fun. Thanks for the tag, Jason!
If anyone's got any suggestions for the letters for which I came up empty...please, let me know what I'm missing. For all I know, the best horror movie in the history of ever may very well start with Q.