FINAL GIRL explores the slasher flicks of the '70s and '80s...and all the other horror movies I feel like talking about, too. This is life on the EDGE, so beware yon spoilers!

Aug 9, 2007


If you head over to Pretty/Scary today, you can take a gander at my interview with Natassia Malthe, star of Skin- walkers and BloodRayne II. She was dope.

I also caught a 20-minute preview of Skinwalkers (it's not being screened before its 8/10 opening) and...umm...well...err...ugh.

Stan Winston did the werewolf effects, and the werewolves look pretty cool. It's nice to see a monster movie that's using makeup instead of CGI; this ain't Van Helsing, you know?

Oh, and there was a pistol-totin' granny as well.

Take that for what you will.

I also recently caught the trailer for Croc, a film that's premiered and is currently running on Time Warner's Video-on-Demand. I for one do not have Time Warner cable, but dammit...I wanna see Croc. In a minute-and-a-half trailer, I saw Michael Madsen (in a fucking doo-rag) tap his fake leg and talk about revenge against the croc. I saw some lady tell some kids to get out of the water; one kid whined "I don't want to!", and then he was promptly eaten by the giant crocodile. All that in under two minutes! Hopefully this'll hit DVD eventually, but in the meantime, should any of you Time Warner patrons catch it, fill me in.

Also appearing on Time Warner's Video-on-Demand is Something Beneath, starring Kevin "Hercules" Sorbo as...err, some guy. Again, I caught the trailer, and again, I say, fie thee, Time Warner! Thou art verily a tease. Forsooth.

It seems there's a sentient alien organism living in the sewer beneath a secluded hotel. "Bah, who cares?" you say. Then I counter with "The alien is all blobby and it comes out of pipes and stuff and it looks like the crap from 'The Lake' in Creepshow 2 and in the trailer this lady says 'All that comes out of the sink is goo- goo and more goo!' and that alone made me want to see this movie. What can I say, I'm easy. Hell, you should see me after a glass of Riunite on's so nice!"

From the "Nooooooooo!" department: I picked up a copy of Strays on VHS for $1.49. Man, I was gonna tell you all about it, because I know it was gonna be awesome: killer kitty cats. That's all I need to hear, and I'm sold. SOLD!

I get the movie home, unwrap the shrink wrap. Co-Habit-Tron 3000 and I settle in for some murderous feline action, and hmm. The movie looks odd. What the-? Some a-hole put a copy of Strange Days in the Strays box. Did they not have time to read the entire fucking title, and so they stopped at "Stra--"? Has there ever been a sadder story in the history of ever? there has not.

From the "Holy fucking fuck!" department: in the wee hours of this morning, I experienced my first earthquake. It was about 5 seconds long and Co-Habit-Tron 3000, who grew up in Los Angeles, was not terribly phased by it. I, on the other hand, was alternating between abject terror and a feeling something like "That was the coolest thing evarrrrrr!" for a good half hour.

Victoria Principal and her afro were nowhere to be found.

Update: Wow, I'm such a survivor! 5 seconds, 20 seconds...meh. By the time I understood what was happening, it was over. I thought maybe I was just brushing my teeth way too hard.


Jesse Hammer said...

Welcome to the Westside, Stac. That sucker got my ass outta bed pretty quick this morning, I tells ya. I've lived out here for alomst 13 years and I'm still not used to that shit.

First thing I always check after a rumbler; my Star Wars Burger King glasses. Them shits is precious to me.

Adam Ross said...

Wow that Croc really has its mouth open wide. Almost looks like a puppet.

Anonymous said...

You haven't seen Strays?!?! Just remember, when it goes to the monster-POV shot, start chanting, to the tune of the Jaws theme, "E-vil kit-ty. E-vil kit-ty. E-vil kit-ty." Get on the Nexflit, girl.

Also, in re: Van Helsing's makeup/CGI débâcle, Sommers & Ducsay managed to totally conceal their buddy Kevin J. O'Connor (The Mummy's Beni) beneath makeup. What the heck? He's a hilarious character actor! Let him act!

Ah well, I'd still give them my TV if they let me write them a screenplay...

Unknown said...

I was in the SF/Berkeley area for a week last year, and just missed an earthquake by a couple hours. I was so disappointed.

Now, I'm on my way to LA in...a week and a half...and actually hoping I get to experience one. Living in Michigan all my life, it's something I've always been curious about. Can someone schedule one for the week of the 20th? Is that doable?

Gregory Joseph said...

i once bought a stack of vhs tapes from the dollar store. the winner of the pile was a shrinkwrapped brain damage. also there were a few movies that ended up being subbed in spanish, including suspiria and the serpent and the rainbow. but the relevent movie was a shrinkwrapped copy of play misty for me (which i hadn't seen). inside the case was a tape with a label that actually said victim of beauty. i was baffled by how the wrong tape got in the case and was then shrinkwrapped. when i put the actual tape in, it turned out to be three of hearts, that kelly lynch/stephen baldwin/sherilyn fenn film. triple weird.

Anonymous said...

Well, Malthe wasn't playing the "real" Typhoid in Elektra, but after reading that interview, I think she could pull it off.

Anonymous said...

Years ago, an actor friend of mine, Peter, moved from Buffalo, NY to LA.
He was out on the street when he experienced his first earthquake, whereupon he ran to the nearest phonebooth and called back home to share the ongoing excitement of the earthquake with his family.

Heh, "phone booth." Man, this WAS a while ago...