
Wouldn't that movie be rad? It would, I know. Well, friendo, you're in luck. You don't have to imagine it anymore! You simply have to pop in a copy of Horror Express (1972) and watch your dreams unfold on your TV screen. Life is so sweet sometimes.
Captain's Log, Stardate 1906! In China, Professor Alexander Saxton (Christopher Lee) is exploring a cave in search of fossils when he comes across the mother lode of fossilized old stuff: a frozen ape caveman guy.


Prof. Saxton maintains his silence about the contents of the crate, even when his colleague Dr. Wells (Peter Cushing) shows up asking questions. Not to be thwarted, Wells bribes a baggage man to drill a hole in the crate and take a peek inside. The best part of that plan? The baggage man is the Andorran Marty Feldman himself, the innkeeper from The Witches Mountain!

The baggage man quickly learns that prying open the big mystery box was a mistake. The ice man's eyes glow red which, as you can imagine, is not good for the baggage man. He bleeds, his eyes turn white, and he dies.


Inspector Mirov (Julio Pena) pursues the monster and manages to shoot it in the eye; before the monster dies, however, he ensnares the Inspector in a one-red-eyed stare. This transfers the monster's spirit or soul or essence or whatever into the Inspector himself. The ice man is still on the loose, only now he's disguised as the Inspector.

Chase chase, red eyes, crazy priest, white eyes...things get really haywire when Telly Savalas climbs on the Horror Express as Captain Kazan, a man who's going to whip and shoot his way to the bottom of things. Kazan has a delightful Telly Savalas-ian New York accent, despite the fact that he's a Cossack.

Most of these questions will be answered by the time the Horror Express pulls into its last stop, which just so happens to be in Fuckingawesomeville. There are many versions of this film available on DVD, as I believe it's fallen into the public domain. Picture and sound quality are sure to vary, and when you get your hands on a copy it may well be a cruddy transfer. Mine was, but then the DVD only cost $0.79, so who am I to complain? The murky picture didn't diminish my enjoyment of this superior monster movie- I mean, Christopher Lee, Peter Cushing, and an alien that makes people bleed from all of their head holes? That's a good time, if you ask me. Actually, that's a good time even if you don't ask.
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Horror Express counts towards Category 9 in Operation: 101010!
10 comments:
Holy cats, I've not only seen but own this movie. I don't know how to deal with having actually seen one of Stacie's features…
But, hellz yeah. Fun as all get out.
I love this movie. It's bonkers!
Oh wow. I was excited when I saw Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing, but then you add Telly Savalas.
Where do you get $0.79 DVDs?
I always loved how the alien's memories looked like a blurry view-master reel. As usual, Cushing wields the scalpel like a pro.
Poached eyes and blood... how can you go wrong?
Like a lot of public domain films you can download this for free off the Internet Archive. Yes, this is completely legal.
http://www.archive.org/details/Horror_Express
It's kind of astonishing how many classics, pretty good films and fun b-movies have been allowed to lapse into the public domain.
This is a really fun film, which I saw on the 50-pack, too. ... My only quibble (and I'm not complaining) is that there was actually TOO MUCH plot. This movie had about 100 different ideas going on and that's before you even threw in the Cossacks and the zombies. Fun stuff! Remake fodder?
Although riddled with flaws that would totally kill a lesser picture, HORROR EXPRESS holds up a lot better than most contemporary horror films - they don't make 'em like this anymore, and that's just due to the fact that there aren't many actors like Cushing, Lee and Savalas anymore. A remake of this would be pretty much pointless - and much less fun.
There is a release of this (OOP, probably) that is in widescreen and a decent transfer - well worth looking for, although I think it may have been released only in the UK.
I just saw this movie for the first time last year. Actually, I had seen part of it on TV late one night but had forgotten all about it.
At any rate, I don't know how it managed to escape a proper viewing for so many years. It's fantastic!
I love the creepy musical motif in particular.
I also own this movie. My expectations were as low as the price tag, but I remember finding it surprisingly entertaining.
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