FINAL GIRL explores the slasher flicks of the '70s and '80s...and all the other horror movies I feel like talking about, too. This is life on the EDGE, so beware yon spoilers!

Nov 20, 2007


Can you sense the waves of electric excitement emanating from your computer monitor as you read this? Can you feel those waves burning your eyes with awesome? I bet you can! No, it's not late-season allergies making your eyes well up with tears...why, that's just the supreme power of this, Final Girl's

500th POST!

You're damn right it is, Charles Nelson Reilly. As the kids today might say, OMG! My Two-Year Anniversary Spectacular was decidedly less than spectacular, so I figured I'd take the opportunity presented by this milestone post to embark upon a little journey down memory lane. Grab a beer or a fruit smoothie and feel free to join me as I reminisce, and be sure to add some sweet, sweet reminiscin's of your own.

People ask me all the time*, "Stacie how in the world did Final Girl ever get its start? Did the idea come to you in a fever dream? Did you see the words "START A HORROR BLOG" spelled out in a tortilla? It's hard to believe that such a blog didn't simply fall from the heavens in a rainbow shower of sparkles, but please, tell me- I must know! "

At that point in the conversation, the inquiring mind is usually on the ground clutching at the hem of my beautiful velvet robes. I free myself, insult them somehow in a clipped British accent- I tend to use some variation on the old "unwashed masses" line- and then I get back to playing video games. Yes, in beautiful velvet robes- sitting on one's couch playing Cooking Mama** is not an excuse for unglamourousness.

Anyway, as in most things in life, the primordial ooze from whence Final Girl eventually crawled was, of all things, a comic book message board. Yes, I hung from time to time out on a comic message my capacity as a "comic book inker", it was all but essential to my work. One fateful afternoon, I noticed that one of my cyberpals was displaying a link to something called Dark, But Shining. I followed the link only to discover that my cyberpal had co-founded a blog, I think they call it?...about horror movies and stuff. I was intrigued, and I became a daily reader. Eventually I noticed that Dark, But Shining had links to other sites- other blogs where people were talking about horror movies and stuff. I was yet more intrigued! "Hmm," I thought. "Hmm. Hmm, indeed." Then I thought about something else, most likely about pizza or kittens.

After a few days of "Hmm"-ing, it came to me. Pointing my finger to the sky, I proclaimed loudly "Why yes! I, too, will start one of these so-called "horror" "blogs", for I, too, love horror movies and stuff! It will be remarkable and glorious...or at least, something to do!"

I studied what all the other bloggers were doing in order to come up with my niche, if you will- say, no one was writing about slasher films! I love 'em, so I figured I'd make 'em my 'thing'. Then it was onto a name, a process which set many of my brain cells on fire. I came up with an extremely short list of possibilities and settled on Final Girl. I think it's a pretty fucking rad name, although the runner-up, Stacie Magorium's Macabre Emporium of Horror Films and Pizza, Though Not Necessarily Together! would have been swell also.

All that was left was actually publishing the damn blog, and on June 11, 2005 I did just that, jumping tentatively into the horror blog community. Though today it seems as if everyone and their mother (and perhaps even their mother's mother and her favorite afghan) are blogging about horror, it was a small circle way back when, consisting primarily of Dark, But Shining, Warrenzone, The Groovy Age of Horror, M Valdemar, Mystery of the Haunted Vampire, and Corpse Eaters; to the best of my knowledge, I may have been the only female horror blogger at the time, although I know not the secrets of my peers. Some of these blogs have gone off to that big server in the sky, whilst others have changed throughout the years- Warrenzone is now forever trapped in 150 Days of Sodom (ouch!), whilst Curt and Co. have gone Beyond the Groovy Age.

This picture has nothing to do with anything, and it's only here to break up all the text. Oh, how I've gone on!

My early posts were pretty bad- not so bad that I want to delete them, but certainly bad enough that I cringe a little and think about re-writing them. What amazed me, though- and still does, truth be told- is that people were reading my crap and commenting on it. People I didn't even know! It's quite remarkable and it's one of the things I love about writing in a blog format...I really dig the interactivity of the whole process, even when you're being a jerk- or is that especially when you're being a jerk? But seriously, Final Girl has changed my life- yes, changed my life- in ways you wouldn't believe. I've made some very, very dear friends all because of this little site, and I literally have Final Girl to thank for the direction my life has taken. I've got Major Nefarious Plans That Have Yet to be Revealed, but it's nothing like what I expected when I clicked "select your template!" a couple of years ago. Altogether now...


Okay, enough of the mush...let's get down to brass tacks here. You there! Take my hand and let's remember together!

I love to swear. It's true. Now, I'm not one of those people who blurt out "fuck" every other word...oh my, no. Though I may completely wrong, I like to think that I swear creatively and use blue language for emphasis and the such. It's in my blood- really, you should hear my grandmother...she'd make a sailor explode in flames from the blushin'. I agonized for approximately 15 seconds as to whether or not to use foul language here at FG, but I came to a decision on this blog's second day, wherein I discussed The Ring and how it made me realize ghosts could be scary: "That image of ghosts- that just has every hooker has a heart of gold, every ghost has a heart like Casper- was shattered when the weird kid in The Ring turned to Naomi Watts and said, "You didn't help her, did you?" What the fuck?! Samara was pure evil? Oh. Oh, no. That's not playing by the rules. That's not cool at all."

I love stunts. My first event occurred rather early on in Final Girl's lifespan: SHOCKtober! I noticed that all the other horror bloggers were doing something special during the month of October, and I so desperately wanted to be a cool kid that I figured I should do something special as well. What's that? Why yes, I'd love to jump off the Brooklyn Bridge!

I had two marathons during that inaugural SHOCKtober: I watched all of the Friday the 13th films in one sitting, and a week later or so later I did the same with the Halloween films. A few highlights:

"My God, I lost an entire day of my life to the Friday the 13th films."

"You've gotta be fucking kidding me."

"My eyes were filled with tears of hatred and anger, and they burned...they burrrrrrned...."

"No no no no no no no no no. No no no nonononononononoNO! NO!"

I'm kinda surprised I'm still around to talk about it.

My love for events could not be restrained, however, and I soon began exploring the mysterious realm known as "not October". I've had Supernatural '70s Week, Ghost Week, Children Hate You Week, Animals Run Amok Week (twice, even!), Hello, Dolly! Week, and of course, Amicus Week. Actually, I used my first theme week (Supernatural '70s) as an excuse to talk about something besides slasher films. Though my focus remains on that subgenre, I think it's okay to branch out a little, right? RIGHT?! Tell me you still love me! It's obvious, looking back, that the word "week" means nothing to me; some "weeks" are only a couple of days, while others reach the double digits. The lesson here is, I cannot be restrained by society's meanings and definitions. Don't tread on me!

I love stunts...and you! In an attempt to meld my love of the themes and my love of the FG commenters, I began the Final Girl Film Club.

Okay, I say it was attempt to meld my love of the themes and my love of the FG commenters, but we all know it's really a small part of my ongoing bid for world, I make people watch horror movies...tomorrow, I will rule the universe! If there's one thing we all know by now, it's that I'm a power monger.

Anyway, the first Film Club post wasn't really a Film Club post at all- I synched up for a flick with my pal Brennon...err, John Barleycorn...of Look Back in Anger. We both watched Strange Behavior and wrote about it on the same day, with hilarious results well as the idea to do it again, with more people:
I really dig this concept of synchronized reviews of movies we've not seen before, and if anyone else out there wants to join in the fun, just drop me a line. GASP! I'll call it The Final Girl Film Club! Yeah! I'll be like Oprah and her Book Club! Except, of course, I'll be cooler than she is because...again, well, who isn't. I'll be sadder, though, because I'm not a powerful billionaire who knows the cast of Friends.

In other news, I loathe that show Friends.
Begin a Film Club I did on April 2, 2006, selecting Bloody Murder...a real stinker, to put it kindly.
I must say, though, after sitting through it and ruminating upon it, I could really only think of 5 things that were really wrong with it:

1. The plot
2. The dialogue
3. The acting
4. The directing
5. The fact that it was a horror movie, yet it was never, ever even a little bit scary
We Film Clubbers have chugged our way through 12 selections, and there's no end in sight. The universe is within my grasp!

I love the funny. Sometimes, I write some funny stuff. I think this stuff is funny:

Night of Bloody Horror: "Having Gerald McRaney of television's Major Dad in a movie is one thing...having Gerald McRaney of television's Major Dad in a movie humping someone is quite another. "

Trick or Treat: "So I was like 'Umm…are you threatening me, Trick or Treat? Are you fucking threatening ME in MY house? Because I will totally whale on you like you’ve never—' but then I stopped. Trick or Treat had started to cry softly."

The Final Girl Hall of Infamy: "He looks like Gene Shalit!"

Kingdom of the Spiders: "I thought it was a nice unexpected twist when the hot entomologist finds a spider in a drawer and, instead of shrieking, calmly picks it up and puts it outside...then again, she was an entomologist, so I guess she wouldn't flip out because she saw a spider. Never mind."

Hellraiser: Deader: "I mean, tacking Jason Voorhees into the last fifteen minutes of The Trip to Bountiful and changing the title to Jason vs Gramma doesn’t properly make it Friday the 13th Part 18, you know?

On the other hand, it would make it a film I’d very much like to see."

Frogs: "To prove once and for all that there no dignity in death nor in the late career of an aged Hollywood actor, we're treated to a shot of frogs climbing all over Ray Milland's ass."

Hitcher II: "Hitcher II is pretty much the same as The Hitcher, except instead of Rutger Hauer as the psycho bad guy hitchhiker, this time around it's Jake Busey as the psycho bad guy hitchhiker. To me, this is the equivalent of going to a strip club once and seeing Angelina Jolie do a routine and then you return the following week and you see the same routine but it's performed by the mom from Growing Pains. She’s lovely and all, but the effect isn’t quite the same, now is it?"

And so on and so on. I'm gonna keep on keepin' on, because shucks, I really do love this stupid blog.

I just want to say thanks to everyone who reads this site, everyone who's commented or dropped me a line, everyone who's linked to me, and everyone who's sent me money and prezzies***. Thanks to the community of film bloggers for putting out such kick-ass content that continues to inspire me.

Yay, Final Girl! Yay, 500 posts!

But enough about me...what do YOU think about me?

Oh, that Charles Nelson Reilly. Always keepin' it real!


* no one ever asks me
** I have never actually played Cooking Mama, but I think we can all agree that it's the best videogame name ever.
***no one has ever sent me money or prezzies! What the eff?


Jason Adams said...

Congrats, Stacie! Here's a little poem I wrote in your honor:

"She's like the wind through my tree
She rides the night next to me
She leads me through moonlight
Only to burn me with the sun
She's taken my heart
But she doesn't know what she's done

Feel her breath on my face
Her body close to me
Can't look in her eyes
She's out of my league
Just a fool to believe
I have anything she needs
She's like the wind"

You are, Stacie. You are.

Anonymous said...

I also wrote a poem in your honor...

"Try to be best
cause your only a (wo)man
and a (wo)man´s gotta learn to take it
try to believe though the going get rough
that you gotta hang tough to make it
history repeats itself
try and you succeed
never doubt that you're the one
and you can have your dream

you're the best, around
nothings gonna ever keep you down, your the best, around
nothings gonna ever keep you down, your the best, around
nothings gonna ever keep you down

fight till the end cause your life will depend
on the strength you have inside you
Ah you gotta be proud
starin’ out in the cloud
When the odds in the game defy you
try your best to win them all
and one day time will tell
when your the one that standing there
you've reached the final bell"

Erin said...

Congrats, Stacie! I can't wait to see what these nefarious plans could possibly be!

Steve said...

I've been here since the beginning too!!! And what is this talk about no prezzies; I sent you a pic of the Russian poster for Silent Hill?!??! All the way from Moscow!?!?! And there was some other pixelated goodness, but I don't recall now, so it must have been great, haha.

I don't comment much, but rest assured you are always in my thoughts, er, uhm, my links. ;-)

Seriously, what does that say about having read 500 FG posts? Jeez. Think of all the 'good' things I could have accomplished with that time, haha.

Anonymous said...

Conrats, Stacie Ponder! Continuing the theme of verse, I've composed a haiku in the honor of Final Girl's momentous 500th post...
Quite hilarious

Love the "fucks" and "shits" you write

Final Girl lives on
Personally, I'm waiting for a Very Special Episode of Final Girl. Maybe one with an, oh, intevention? Love ya!

Stacie Ponder said...

Thanks, kids!!

JA and JB (are you guys related?), I cannot thank you enough for the poetry. They seem very...melodic or something. You should think about setting them to music! :D

But you're right- I'm SO like the wind it's not even funny.

Erin- thankee! I've been DYING to blab about said Nefarious Plans, but I must wait until the time is right. But soon...soon... all will be revealed! Huzzah!

Steve- Wow, you've been around that long? I admire your willpower! How did you find FG?

And yes, I shouldn't neglect to thank you for your Prezzies From Another Land. I guess I was just thinking of stuff and can put under my pillow at night...gawd, I'm such a... such a... substance-ist or something. A jerk, even.

Thanks, Theron! I do so love a haiku.

I am not lying
When I say I love haiku
I like to write them.

Wow, that sucked.

Joe said...

Congrats Stacie! Somewhere right, now Adrienne Barbeau is drunk. Somewhere else though, is Deborah Foreman, and shes darn proud!

Anonymous said...

Congratulations! I remember those early pioneer days well. Thanks for the Corpse Eaters shout-out!

Jason Meek said...

My memories of Final Girl are mostly made up of reading Stick Figure Theatre and Hungry Like the Wolf until I discovered that Final Girl and the Sticks were one and the same person. This is when I discovered that Stacie Ponder was a person of incredible depth of character with multiple facets to her personality. Plus she has a wonderful coiffure. She is the female James T. Kirk. She is someone I have always wanted to meet (as to bask in her majesty) but like the wind, she is illusive and mysterious. So, thank Hera she came up with this spiffy blog to discuss subjects that are near and dear to our hearts (mainly 70's and 80's slasher films). Without Final girl the world would be a much darker and sinnister place. If you are ever in Arizona, Stacie, drop me a line.

M said...

My favorite post is this one

when fate once again craps on your neck with a disappointing movie, and you pass out in a pool of your own puke. There's just something about a cranky drunk woman (Sue Ellen I'm looking at you). Thanks for your blog, Stacie, you're the best!

Goose said...

Congrats on your 500th. Its a real milestone. I don't know anyone who posts more than you....
Enough with the googly eyed praise.

You Rock at 1 or 500.


Des said...

Effin' Hells Stacie!

Congrats for having the gumption to keep the show running!

I ran out of steam long ago on blogging. I used it for a year to plug my column but that evaporated once I got the podcast going (on which you must be my guest host sometime soon).

I know I haven't commented in a billion or so years besides the occasional quip but I have been lurking and Final Girl is always a blast.

Cheers to the Queen of the Horror spaaaaaace!

and there's lways Lugosi zombie!

Heather Santrous said...

Congrats Stacie! I have been reading for almost two years now so did miss some stuff but not a lot. I know what you mean about your early posts, I feel the same about mine as well. I can't wait to read the next 500!!

-Chris- said...

Thanks for keeping things entertaining. Congrats on a blog well done from all of us (it's just me) at Something Wicked.


FatalPierce said...

Sweet milestone, congrats Stacie!

I also attempted to write a poem for you. Unfortunately I couldn't come up with anything that rhymed with "bag-head Jason"...

So instead I thought I'd share one of my favorite posts of yours. The one about Wrong Turn. Which influenced me (yes influenced I say!) to give WT a second chance. Which I did. Which in turn lead to me totally changing my opinion. So you see your words have power!

It is important that you only use this power for good....or personal gain.

As usual, you keep being awesome and we'll keep reading!

Anonymous said...

"Cooking Mama"...great game.


Steve said...

I'll see what I can do next time for a more materialistic gift from far off lands, ha.

I honestly can't recall the exact way I found you. It was like a whisper coming out of The Mist, haha. Ok, not really. But you know how these Intertubes work. One click, two click, three click, PRON! I started my blog in Aug 05 and was probably just looking around on blogger. But I think you probably commented on BloodyDisgusting or something and I clicked on your name or something. Yet, I still kept coming back.

BTW, I think the single greatest thing you have contributed to the history of blogs is the gratuitous use of Charles Nelson Reilly.

Anonymous said...

Stacie, while reading your 500th post, I blended my beer and fruit smoothie. Nutritiously inebriating!

Congratulations on your longevity. Ever since I discovered your blog earlier this year (via your Alucarda post), you've been a primary source of happiness and entertainment.

Rock on!

Stacie Ponder said...

You guys have no idea how much this warms my little heart. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!

Joe- you get 10 cool points for the gratuitous Deborah Foreman mention. I love her...where is she??!

Jason- now THAT'S the kind of comment I like! :D You are far too kind. And to think, weren't we, like, ten feet from each other in San Diego? Next year!!

Folks, I thought you should know that Jason Meek is an amazing artist. Him make the PURDY pitchers!

Thanks, Mariana. I read that post again- I don't think I'd read it since I published it- and I have to say...that was pretty frickin' funny. 10 cool points for the Sue Ellen reference, as well! My favorite Sue Ellen escapade is undoubtedly the one where she drove her big battle wagon around whilst chugging vodka straight from the bottle...while pregnant!

Des- Aaaaagh! I should have mentioned you when talking about the early days. Your October stunt (31 Days of Des's Favorites) inspired me to do something swell my first October.

And any time you need a guest host, it's on! 'Twould be an honor.

Pierce- I love that you had enough of an open mind about WT to give it another shot. That's so rare. You rule! And I'll try to use my powers for good, I swear...or at least, I'll try to try.

Steve- come for the PRON, stay for the Charles Nelson Reilly. It happens all the time.

Thanks to you all, seriously.

Sniff, sniff. *tear*

Anonymous said...

Congratulations on 500 posts! And may I say FANGS for the memories. 500 posts just shows how much you SCARE about us. You should visit your favorite restaurant tonight and celebrate with a STAKE and some champPAIN. (AUGH Please somebody stop me!) We're all sending good PHIBES your way!

PIPER said...

Congrats Stacie,

Everyone has written poems but has anyone written a Haiku? I think not.

I'm not going to write one, I just wanted to point that out. I mean I could if I wanted to.

I mean if the live before a studio audience wanted me to.

Alright, alright I will. Stop. Please.

Stacie You Are Great
Mustaches Of Horror Rocks
Keep On Truckin Hats.

Don't read too much into the Hats part, had to add that to make it work.

Anonymous said...

Congrats! As a longtime fan of Final Girl, I can confidently say that every single one of your posts is golden!
Love the selected funny quotes. In my opinion, the all-time funniest thing I have read on this site is the review for The Swarm, which inspired me to rent the film myself and have a good laugh at it. Bravo, Stacie, bravo!

Stacie Ponder said...

Gomez, okay...I hate to say it, but that totally had me LOLing. Damn you!

Psst...Piper...there were some other haikus up there! But none mentioned moustaches, so there's that. You rule!

Thanks, Bonnie! You've got me wanting to rewatch The Swarm now. Those damn bees!

Adam Ross said...

I tried to write the song "Stacie's Blog" based on Fountains of Wayne's "Stacie's Mom," but stalled in the second verse. But as the song would say -- "Stacie's blog has got it going on."

May your next 500 posts be just as merry!

And yes, I'm on my second glass of rum n' egg nog of the night!

Bloody Mary said...

Adam: I'm going to be singing that all day! Speaking of Stacie's mom...

Joining everyone and their mother, me and my doll have spent our free time this month setting up our own blog with a bit of a different focus. Final Girl has a newborn spawn! We've given you an extra-special place of honor on our sidebar. From now on I'll be posting under our new Blogger identity. We're just about set to actually start writing...

Stacie, I've only been reading for a few months (found you in a websearch on The Descent), but your blog has become a big part of my life as my first choice of entertainment. It's really resparked my love of slashers from high school. I check Final Girl along with my e-mail first thing every day. I've already learned so much and been introduced to SO many awesome flicks (like Eyes of a Stranger)! I can't wait to go check out all the blogs you mentioned in this post.

- much movie love from Melizer (and her doll Bloody Mary)

Anonymous said...

Woo! I've been here since the beginning too! I can't remember how I found this blog. A link from somewhere.

Yay! 500 posts!!! Keep it going! :)

By Dorothy Parker

If I don't drive around the park,
I'm pretty sure to make my mark,
If I'm in bed each night by ten,
I may get back my looks again.
If I abstain from fun and such,
I'll probably amount to much;
But I shall stay the way I am,
Because I do not give a damn.

Corey said...

Keep shootin' for the stars!

Anonymous said...

Your blog is always ridiculously entertaining, particularly your use of scene captures!
I'm delighted to be the owner of original Stacie artwork (Werewolf Woman of the SS)!
That picture of the little kitten with a big tongue is ridiculously fucking cute! Does it live next door to Mr. Winkle? The heck!

I don't play video horror games but your post on your favorites AND the comments were a favorite of mine.

Here's to more stabby, slashy Final Girly insanity!
And my New Year's Resolution to you: to actually play along with the Final Girl Film Club, at least once!

Sarah said...

I know I'm late on this, but Happy Belated 500thpostaversary Stacie!

Stacie Ponder said...

You guys are the fucking KNEES. Thanks so much.

Melizer, congrats on starting up your blog. I'll be a-readin', for sure, and if I inspired you in any way whatsoever then thanks a million.

Cattle, I'm totally holding you to that Film Club resolution, so be prepared!