FINAL GIRL explores the slasher flicks of the '70s and '80s...and all the other horror movies I feel like talking about, too. This is life on the EDGE, so beware yon spoilers!

Oct 29, 2005

OK, this is the last post in my big Halloween marathon, so if you're just tuning in, scroll all the way down to the beginning and start reading from there!

Halloween: Resurrection...or, Stacie Gets To Go To Sleep

No.

No no no no no no no no no. No no no nonononononononoNO! NO!

I flat-out 100% refuse to acknowledge this. I refuse to accept that what happens in the first 15 minute of this movie is the way the story of my beloved Laurie Strode ends. Nope. Not gonna believe it. Hey, if Hollywood can literally pretend that Parts 4, 5, and 6 never happened (And boy, are they. I guess they can be considered like 3 issues of "What If?" comics from Marvel. What if...Michael had a niece?) then I can pretend that Laurie really did chop off Michael's head at the end of H2O. She lived to a ripe old age, and spent the rest of her life in a well-adjusted, care-free fashion, just like she deserved. And that's that.

It's too bad, too, because if I were to acknowledge Resurrection's existence, I might comment that it was silly and occasionally over-the-top, like maybe there was a cussin', karate-choppin Busta Rhymes in it. I might even say that despite the silliness I enjoyed it. But nope. After the first few scenes, I decided that I had in fact fallen asleep after H2O and was simply having a strange computer monitor-laden dream brought on by all the movies I'd watched earlier.

Halloween: Resurrection, I stick my middle finger up at thee! How dare you kill Laurie! I'll never forgive you, Busta Rhymes or no Busta Rhymes. In fact, I stick both my middle fingers up at thee...and now I go to bed.

See? Even Michael Myers is all tuckered out after his long long day of killing...and driving...and killing...and...It's 2am, but it's really kinda 3am- but then we set the clocks back a hour for Daylight Savings. Wow- 8 Halloween movies in about 16 hours. It's kinda like Groundhog Day, but...it's Halloween. Or something. I'm tired and my ass won't go anywhere near my couch anymore. Nighty night!

6 comments:

nilblogette said...

You're braver than me. I didn't even make it to Tyra or Busta. That first fifteen minutes did me in.

B.A. Slattery said...

I also must commend you for your dilligence in watching the Halloween movies. If I were to make a marathon of it, I'd watch part 1, 2, and H20 and then pretend none of the other ones existed. Or else I'd watch part 1 and pretend nothing exists at all. Ugh. I actually saw Resurrection in the theatres, so although I do feel bad for you, I think I should feel worse. I fucking PAID to see that film in a theatre full of other disappointed people.

Stacie Ponder said...

Yeah, I bought a used VHS copy for $0.99! Not even worth that.

The beginning...the beginning...I swear, after Laurie died I felt my eyeballs almost fly out of my head in denial. I spent the rest of the movie in a state of apathy- I was blank. Shell-shocked, I tells ya. They could do nothing worse to me!

This series needs to die. I hope it has, though I keep hearing whispers about a Part 9...

Anonymous said...

Resurrection bites ass.

I have some lofty opinions about the themes of the movie and I feel a bit of a Fulci tribute, but Rosenthal screwed it all up, man. I mean, he did Part 2 (my favorite), so you think... well, he surely can't fuck this one up. I mean, he directs Smallville now. Uh, there's the answer!

One day we'll pontificate this movie, Stacie. I bet you're looking forward to that!

Amanda By Night

Rural Juror said...

all true...might have been a semi-decent movie (at least in this series) had those first minutes not sucked

Timothy said...

I knew this movie was gonna blow chunks when the original subtitle was not Resurrection, but ... wait for it ... MichaelMyers.com. Yeah, there's a way to create a timeless classic. Use an incredibly "now" technology as the basis of your film.

Idiots.

And may I say that the first part of the movie (though sucking for killing Laurie) was the only part that held any suspense what-so-ever.

Once Jamie Lee is gone, everything that follows is a snoozefest. Nobody puts Laurie in a corner!

And I hate to break the agreed upon love for Part 2, but it sucked ass too. The director is a hack.