FINAL GIRL explores the slasher flicks of the '70s and '80s...and all the other horror movies I feel like talking about, too. This is life on the EDGE, so beware yon spoilers!

Oct 26, 2015

Day 26: INFINI (2015)

I fully admit that I have a weakness for space horror, even if the films I categorize as such are all a tad samey-samey. You know, Event Horizon, Pandorum–movies where someone comes down with space madness. Whether it's brought on by alien microbes or wormholes or nonsense science jargon, I don't care, I'll give it a watch. And I'll probably like it, because I'm so forgiving. Digging Infini, then, should have been a given. So what happened?

A search and rescue crew heads to a farthest-of-far mining facility to shut down operations and rescue the lone survivor of a mysterious biological plague-type thing. Unsurprisingly, things escalate quickly and the rescuers become infected. Cue violence, etc as our lone survivor attempts to ensure continued survival.

Yeah, it's all fairly par for the course. The super elite search and rescue team comprises the usual suspects: a black dude, a hothead smartass, an Asian woman, some "no memorable characteristics" folk, a guy who just wants to make it home to his daughter, and so on. There is grossness in the eerily quiet mining facility: frozen miners, body chunks, mysterious goo. Dubious science abounds, enough to likely cause Neil deGrasse Tyson to take furiously to his Twitter account. Basically, Infini was a movie after my own heart! But then...ugh, people get infected and it goes something like this:

*two people find each other* "FUCK YOU! RAARRRRRR!" *punch punch slam slam punch slam RARRR slam punch*

Over and over again. For a really long time. It's loud and obnoxious and ultimately dull...sort of like watching a sidewalk fistfight between two 'roid raging pituitary cases from the first season of Jersey Shore, but in space. (Okay, I might actually want to watch Jersey Shore in Space.) All the rockin' 'em and sockin' 'em leads to our lone survivor giving the sentient alien goo a stern talking to and a guilt trip that sets up the lite-twist ending; while the ending is marginally interesting (if fairly predictable), though, it's certainly not worth enduring the tedium of the hour-plus that precedes it to get there.

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