FINAL GIRL explores the slasher flicks of the '70s and '80s...and all the other horror movies I feel like talking about, too. This is life on the EDGE, so beware yon spoilers!

Nov 5, 2010

2 movies, 400 words

I've been sitting on both Growth and Altitude for days now, trying to think of some way to push past my apathy and review them- first of all because I watched them so I'd might as well talk about them, and secondly because they are not at all comfortable to sit on.

Still, here I am and what is there to say? Both movies feature pretty and irritating young people fighting against some evil rendered in CGI: in Altitude, it's tentacles in the sky; in Growth, it's subdermal parasites.

Altitude finds a bunch of awful people taking a quick flight in a puddle-jumper to a concert. Before long they're lost in a swirling miasma of darkness with no end in sight and a failing plane...then an Old God-wannabe shows up to wreak some havoc. Unfortunately, the film collapses under the weight of too many twists and attempts at cleverness, while you'll perhaps throw your hands up and give a loud, resigned sigh, as I did, when the monster FINALLY shows up and you find out- uh, spoiler- that it's all some wish it away to the cornfield bullshit.

Growth finds a bunch of awful people heading to an island where a decade ago, scientists experimented with parasites in the hope of using them to alter human DNA (WHAT) for the better. As you might assume, there were problems- deadly problems. As you also might assume, some slugtastic parasites survived to invade a whole new batch of orifices. Since you're so into assuming, it's safe to assume that you'd be better off watching Night of the Creeps or Slither.

Growth 2: I Know What You Swallowed Last Summer

Of the two films, Altitude comes out on top (har har) if only because 1) it's not The Langoliers and 2) director Kaare Andrews has a strong visual sense owing to his previous career as a comic book artist. Still, so much of the film is drenched in darkness that shot composition is frequently inconsequential.

As I hinted at, both Growth and Altitude left me with that horrible feeling of indifference. I didn't have a terrible time while watching them, but I can't say I particularly enjoyed either film. I'm sorry that my ennui is slowly dripping all over this page, but you know how some movies just do that to you, right? Hell, I should go watch The Cavern or something- at least my boiling blood will let me know I'm alive, dammit!


Somnicide said...

wow you weren't kidding, November really does make you bitter. ;-)

Stacie Ponder said...

It's not my fault they stunk! :D

Lazarus Lupin said...

Haven't seen altitude, but I already fainted with damn praise on growth. I think I said something to effect, "well at least it's not another slasher and they give you super powers before they eat your brain." Other than that, snoozefest.

Good stuff as always.

Here's a cushion for your bum

Lazarus Lupin
art and reviw

dementia13 said...

As a reader, I'm not sure if there's anything that makes me want to return so much as being introduced to words like "slugtastic".