FINAL GIRL explores the slasher flicks of the '70s and '80s...and all the other horror movies I feel like talking about, too. This is life on the EDGE, so beware yon spoilers!

Jul 16, 2013

Outlander, take back your Corn-ening!

Well dudes and y'all, it's over. Can you believe it? A mere 17 hours or so ago, The Corn-ening lay before us all like a field about to sprout. Now it lies behind us like a field that is...dead, I guess. I don't know. Look, I'm pretty numb. And yet, like a gift that keeps on giving, I figured I'd do a little wrap-up so we can all assess exactly what we've been through. The good news is, what we've been through wasn't as hellish as I anticipated! The bad news is...wait, there is no bad news. We are the champions, my friends, and we kept on Corn-ening 'til the end.

Here are some random numbers and facts and whatever, a veritable post-game showcase showdown!
  • Films in which someone is crucified on a corn cross: 1, 8. I expected to see more of it, but I'm glad I didn't. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that.*
  • Films that feature giant explosions: 1-3, 5-7. I bet Michael Bay is a huge CotC fan.
  • Films that feature bugs coming out of peoples' mouths: 3 (real bugs), 7 (computer bugs).
  • Films that feature boobs: only 7! And only briefly. This shocked me. I mean, you can't make a horror movie that doesn't show boobs, right? RIGHT?
  • WTF, after the first film no one used "outlander" anymore; it became "outsider" which is just dullsville terminology.
  • Malachi is still the child of the corn I love to hate.
  • I am so sick of typing "children" and "corn", you have no idea.
  • My sanity is intact! I am flabbergasted.
  • The best film in the series: The first one. No wait, Urban Harvest. Mmm, it's a tie. No wait, but that remote control wheelchair in The Final Sacrifice...ahh don't make me choose!
  • Money raised for Alexandra West and her roommate Jo thanks to you guys: I have no idea, but I hope some.
*as someone on Faceplace pointed out, there is a corn crucifiction- corncifiction?- at the beginning of 3. That is true! I guess I was thinking more along the lines of a "sacrificial" corncifiction, with the corn headband, whereas that dude in 3 was scarecrowed. It's a fine line when it comes to these things!

I think we all learned a lot during the course of this day, don't you? I learned that this series is not as awful as I figured it would be. I learned that corn can grow fucking anywhere. I learned that children are not to be trusted. Wait, I knew that already.

Goodnight, outlanders!

1 comment:

Unknown said...

Hello Citizen Ponder. I am not a bot, yet still love you. I am informing you that I completed the Cornathon. It took me 4 days, which may show that one determined lesbian blogger has more intestinal fortitude than a 53 year old bald straight guy. I agree with your assessment of the Corn series on almost all points, so I won't belabor that. I will say that I have been a long time listener to the GOD Podcast and have enjoyed it immensely. I recently received the GOD stickers...I bought one and got a bonus sticker and a nice note from Anthony! I have been unemployed since last March and your podcast has been a pleasant distraction. I was employed at a crosstown theater from the Hollywood at the Cinema 21 and am sure I have met Anthony without knowing it. I'm expecting to return to the box office there when things get going here in PDX and hope to meet my favorite PDX celebrity! Love ya, and hope tatted the nest GOD live show!!!!

PS: I let my siblings know about my Cornathon ambitions and linked a few of your reviews in our text stream. they were unfortunately underwhelmed at my ambitious venture. I'm glad you're here and understand.