FINAL GIRL explores the slasher flicks of the '70s and '80s...and all the other horror movies I feel like talking about, too. This is life on the EDGE, so beware yon spoilers!

Jul 15, 2013

Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice


Can you believe that the world had to wait until 1992 for a CotC sequel? Sure, eight years is an awfully long time, but let's face it: finery such as this needs to gestate. You can't rush a masterpiece, amirite? I am.

I know what you're thinking: sure, masterpieces can't be rushed. But Stacie, are you really calling Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice a masterpiece?

OF COURSE I AM! Look, the movie begins with a corpse party when all the dead adults of Gatlin, Nebraska are found. Usually we have to wait until the last ten minutes of a horror movie for someone to stumble upon a room full of bodies- but not here. The Final Sacrifice flouts conventions and busts out the awesome right from the get-go and it just doesn't stop. To wit, the film features:
  • a character- whose last name is Casual- wearing a t-shirt with shoulder pads
  • a sadistic youth wearing the same shirt as CotC's Malachi...but he's named Mordechai
  • a wise Native American named Frank Redbear who tells the story of the corn and stuff via petroglyph reading
  • "FRANK REDBEAR"
  • the line "What is all this shit about the corn?"
  • there is some fine-ass world's first CGI / Spencer's Gifts effects going on as New Isaac Micah's body is disassembled and...reassembled?...in the void? I don't know, there were a lot of globular things floating around
  • everything in the two movies so far is apparently caused by moldy corn
  • we are regularly treated to He Who Walks Behind the Rows-Cam. He Who Walks Behind the Rows really gets around, and perhaps should also be called He Who Stands by the Side of the Road and/or He Who Hangs Out in the Woods
  • the children of the corn take control of an elderly woman's electric wheelchair via remote control and steer her out into traffic...she is then hit by a dump truck. Woman and chair fly through the air and crash through a storefront window and it's probably the best thing I'm going to see all day ever
  • the Good Guys (including Shoulder Pads Casual) set Frank Redbear atop a funeral pyre in the middle of a corn field (don't worry, he was dead) and then drive off into the sunrise, never stopping to consider that perhaps there's a Gladys Redbear or something out there who may want to know where the fuck her husband is
I mean, I kind of feel like The Final Sacrifice is a secret that's been kept from me for the last 20 years. HOW COULD YOU? HOW COULD ALL OF YOU?

Now then, I am on to the third film. How does this make sense when Part II was supposed to be the final sacrifice? I can't wait to find out!

Oh, and remember: today is the Corn-ening-a-thon. If you haven't pitched in to the Alex and Jo fund, please consider it!

1 comment:

Caelum Vatnsdal said...

I was lucky enough to see this one in the movie theater, and have ever since recalled it fondly. It seems to be strangely absent on Netflix and such services, which is weird because they have every other one of them on there. Perhaps it has joined Mordechai in being disassembled in the void.

Sorry to see you're ending this wonderful blog, by the by.