FINAL GIRL explores the slasher flicks of the '70s and '80s...and all the other horror movies I feel like talking about, too. This is life on the EDGE, so beware yon spoilers!

Dec 9, 2009

they're so lame, Brewster!

At AMC this week, I'm talking about the big lameoids of horror who, one assumes, are supposed to be scary but aren't. The "...Movie Monsters" in the title may be a bit misleading unless you use a broad definition of the word "monsters", which...I don't know, maybe you will, maybe you won't. I can't solve all of your problems.

And you know who's on the list, right? A little (and I do mean little) someone who happens to be in this photograph:

Ack, Rumplestiltskin is so at the forefront of my brain lately! Why is that? I can feel the urge to watch the movie growing in my consciousness. "It's so good!" I think to myself, even when I look at the picture above, which...let's face it- it should probably be put on trial for crimes against humanity. There's some kind of subliminal mind-controlling frequency in that film, I swear. That's the only reasonable explanation for the hold it has over me. It's like Jim Jones himself shat that thing into existence.

Fucketh me!

4 comments:

Pierce said...

You should probably just watch "Rumplestiltskin" just to get it over with. It may hurt, and make you feel dirty, but at least it'll be done with.

...have you tried watching the movie backwards? Maybe it'll go away.

Stacie Ponder said...

Watch is backwards! You, my friend, are a genius!

Pierce said...

I prefer to think of it as going for the easy jokes.

Christopher said...

Looks like The Count from Sesame Street!