FINAL GIRL explores the slasher flicks of the '70s and '80s...and all the other horror movies I feel like talking about, too. This is life on the EDGE, so beware yon spoilers!

Aug 27, 2009

Remember that time...

...when the paramilitary commando dudes were going after the Red Queen when they accidentally tripped her defense system and suddenly the hallway they were all standing in had these deadly deadly lasers scooting down it, slicing up everything in their path? And then that one paramilitary commando dude was all ready to face the final laser, like, to jump over that shit or squeeze under it or something, and he was all, "Up YOURS, laser!" but then that eeeeevil, wily laser was all, "Pfft- up YOURS, paramilitary commando dude!" and it turned into a grid and diced him up real good? Yeah, that was cool.

And remember how the same sort of thing had been done a few years earlier in Cube? But when Resident Evil came around, the idea still was a bit novel...but now horror movie schmoes getting silently sliced and then slowly collapsing into a pile of grue-n-chunks is practically de rigueur? Yeah.

Anyway, my buddy JA of My New Plaid Pants has, of course, examined the sequences in Resident Evil and Cube before as part of his most excellent Thursday's Ways Not to Die series. You should check it out, if you know what's good for you!

Speaking of things to check out and knowing what's good for you, here's something else: Scott Weinberg, old friend of both Final Girl and darkness, has bravely gone and posted two massive lists: his top 100 horror and top 100 sci fi films. Mayhaps I'll do a big ol' horror list like that someday so people can get all riled up and call me a jerk for not including House of 1000 Corpses or whatevs. Oh, lists...why can't The Internet quit you?

Another thing to check out, etc etc: tonight- yes, TONIGHT- I- yes, I- will be- yes, BE- (okay that's enough, do-over)...tonight, I wll be a guest on The Graveyard Show podcast! It is something to which you can listen! It will be posted tonight: midnight, EST/9pm PST. I don't remember what I blathered on about, but I do remember that I had a wonderful time talking with The Caretaker. Perhaps this means you will enjoy listening...or not. I can no longer predict your reactions things- in fact, I feel like I don't know you at all anymore. But still, listen listen listen!!

One last thing: as you may have figured out by now, I am a huge fan of all things Resident Evil (although I wouldn't watch the second film again with ten-foot eyes) (whatever that means). It's no surprise, then, that when I saw a television spot for Avon's newest magical age-defying de-wrinkling serum or whatever the fuck it is, I immediately thought Umbrella Corporation. After searching for a picture of said serum online, I quickly discovered that I am not the only massive RE nerd in the galaxy. Behold, the truth behind Avon's serum! It's clearly a bioweapon.

I should warn my mom and gramma about this, lest they procure some and later transform into crimes against nature...although...hmm...that might liven up family functions a bit. Oh, what a dilemma I face!


Frank White said...

I remember being very impressed by the laser grid sequence and then thinking to myself "Wait. Weren't there zombies in this movie?"

I should really crack RE5 back open one of these days. Not that crazed villagers are a proper substitute for the walking undead, but... um... there are Lickers.

Stacie Ponder said...

I like RE5, and I LOOOOOVE RE4...but I busted out Code Veronica the other day, and I realized how much I miss the slower-paced, zombie-filled puzzle RE games. I like all the cracking codes and finding keys crap, you know? I hope Capcom makes another installment closer to that than the action-shooters they're becoming.

What I'd REALLY love is a remake of RE2, the way they did the first game.

Arbogast said...

horror movie schmoes getting silently sliced and then slowly collapsing into a pile of grue-n-chunks is practically de rigueur?

De regore!

Stacie Ponder said...

Dammit! I'm always missing the best pun opportunities.


Verdant Earl said...

I know I'm never gonna find it again, but I watched a video on the Internets recently that some intrepid soul put together. I contained every slice/slide horror clip from RE to Cube to beyond in all their gory details.

If I can somehow find it again, I will give you a holler.

Verdant Earl said...


They call it the cut-slide, not the slice/slide, but you catcha da drifta.

I've always loved the first one on the clip from No Escape. Now THAT'S FUNNY!

Bill Walsh said...

Is that Colin Salmon? Apparently he regenerated as a zombie enough to be a police captain in the criminally underappreciated Keen Eddie.

And, oh, thank God that's a perfume bottle and an Evil Virus. At first glance I was thinking they were some sort of trippy, futuristic… uh… you know… thing… they sell on late night tv. To women. With batteries…

Captcha; "outemer." Dude, you missed the other r.

Jason Adams said...

Gracias for the linkage, mi amiga! And in return, I give thee this!

Paul L. said...

I hate to break it to you, but Johnny Mnemonic did the whole pieces of guy sliding off of each other due to laser related injury thing first.

Anonymous said...

The laser grid thing was actually done *first* (Resident Evil-wise, I mean) in the movie (which came out in 2002), not the game (which came out in 2005). In this case, the game took a scene from the movie, not the other way around.