FINAL GIRL explores the slasher flicks of the '70s and '80s...and all the other horror movies I feel like talking about, too. This is life on the EDGE, so beware yon spoilers!

Apr 30, 2009

so i made a movie, part one

I recently made a short horror film called Ludlow, starring Shannon Lark and Elissa Dowling. I thought I'd share all the boring details about how that came to be, know...sharing is caring and if there's one I thing I do, it's care.

Remember that thing I did called Ghostella's Haunted Tomb? The lezzie horror webseries thingy that had some special guest stars and stuff, and some people kind of got the idea behind the whole thing and some people didn't? Huh? Yeah, well…I don't know what's happening with Ghostella. I haven't yet decided if I want to do a second season or not, or what it'll entail, or…but! This is not meant to be about Ghostella's Haunted Tomb.

Remember Fudgalicious gum? Which was gum, but…you know, it was chocolate? That's either the best or worst idea in the history of ever- kind of like the Spice Girls, or those bowls you can buy that come with a built-in straw for drinking whatever milk is leftover after you've eaten your Fruity Pebbles or whatever. Actually, you know what? Those bowls you can buy that come with a built-in straw are the worst, plain-n-simple. I mean, how effing hard is it to tip the bowl into your mouth if you want to drink the leftovers? There needs to be a straw?

Wait! This is not meant to be about Ghostella or Fudgalicious or stupid inventions or stupid, lazy people. This is meant to be about…umm…what was I...oh yeah! This is all concerning a short film I made last week, which I know you're all peeing your pants in anticipation to hear about. Well, pull up those pants and gather 'round, children, and let me tell you a little tale about a little movie called- and set in- Ludlow.

SHANNON LARK: Wud up, Ludlow??

It all started, I suppose, when my short film Taste of Flesh, Taste of Fear was accepted into the 2008 Viscera Film Festival, sponsored by The Chainsaw Mafia. Taste of Flesh, as I'm sure you're well aware, was the short featured in the very first episode of Ghostella's Haunted Tomb. It's the lesbo vampire short featuring 2 Dollar Store Barbie knockoffs and Posh Spice that's so EROTICALLY CHARGED that it's too hot. Too hot, my lady- you've gotta run for shelter…gotta run for shade! Or something like that.

Oh, Kool and the Gang, you provide the soundtrack for my life.

But really, people, feel the heat. That heat is hot!

SHANNON LARK: Taste of Flesh, Taste of Fear is and was simply pure genius. If a filmmaker can make a great film using barbie dolls, then she's gotta blow you away with live action. And she did! I became obsessed with Top Friends. I showed it to my Mom. I showed it to my dog, and he licked himself. That's a good sign!

But I digress! The point is, the merging of Ghostella and Viscera introduced me to actress, director, Chainsaw Mafia CEO, and Fangoria Spooksmodel extraordinaire Shannon Lark because…well, Viscera is her thang. We met face to face in March during the Paranoia Film Festival; the 2007 Viscera selections were screened, including Heidi "Ghostella" Martinuzzi's Wretched, and a grand old time was had by all. Actually, don't hold me to that- I wasn't conducting exit polls or anything.

Trapped aboard the Queen Mary, Shannon and I spent most of the afternoon in the bar, then moved to a restaurant in the evening. During the course of the many hours we spent together, Shannon let fly that she wanted to be in one of my movies. I was dubious, which speaks more to my insecurity than any insincerity on Shannon's part; however, she proceeded to bust out a napkin and write up a contract stating much the same.

You can tell it's official because of all the lawyer-y language, like "This here contract…" and how she ends some words with "-eth".

SHANNON LARK: I told Stacie a story about how a contract written on a napkin can hold up in court. So I whipped it out* over a margarita in a funny looking glass that gave me stomach cramps. I used all the fancy shmancy jargon I could muster, because I wanted to show I was serious. She looked confused. I was ecstatic, because my evil plan of doing a Film Festival so talented female filmmakers would flock around me and put me in their next productions was actually working out. Besides, Stacie Ponder is amazing.

I jumped at the chance to work with her because she kind of fucking ROCKS. She said she'd be back in Los Angeles in April for Fangoria's Weekend of Horrors to fulfill some of her spooksmodel duties…wouldn't that be the perfect time to shoot something?

Why yes…yes, it would. I went home all pumped and proceeded to freak out almost immediately- writing something…on purpose? For someone? I don't tend to work that way. Like with Ghostella, I just write 'em, pretending no one will ever pay attention. Then I fill the roles. Or even writing here at Final Girl…once I start thinking that someone's going to be reading this besides me, I get all nervous. It's like my brain is nude or something, and it's embarrassing to think that people are looking at it…not that my brain has anything to be ashamed of, because it's 100% pure 36-24-36, if you know what I mean...and I think you do…which is good, because I have no idea what the fuck I'm talking about anymore.

SHANNON LARK: Haha! Stacie is totally nude!! Nude for Satan!

Oh, yeah! I was talking about writing a script for someone. Someone who's going to make a special effort to make a film with me. Ugh, nerve-wracking. Step one was to figure out what the eff I was gonna make this movie about. Actually, step one probably involved some Dunkin' Donuts coffee, or maybe some ice cream. Step two was to figure out what the eff I was gonna make this movie about. More on that to come.

Can I just say that my local grocery store AND my local Target have both discontinued carrying mint chocolate chip ice cream? That really does not fucking compute. It's kind of like the Catholic Church discontinuing God.


*Please note, the only thing "whipped out" was a napkin.


Bill Walsh said...

Who is the coolest? Stacie. When and where can we see said movie? I assume the information will be forthcoming in future installments of the "so i made a movie" serial, but I just wanted to remind you to put it in. 'Cause you're kind of ADD here. : )

Stacie Ponder said...

ADD?? That's...uh...artistic stream-of-consciousness! Or something.

Anyway, yeah, I plan to update this "series" over the next few days. We just finished shooting on Saturday morning, so it'll be a while before it's all edited and good to go. I'll be sure to include all relevant info, though. I'm really excited about this, and I can't wait 'til it's done!

Jim Giar said...

I can't wait to see it..the movie not the napkin. I loved Ghostella, so you be sure and do a season 2....Mint chocolate icecream is frick'n gross....that's why theres not mintchocolate toothpaste.
Or is there?
Stacie...check out Rob Halls, Laid to Rest. Watched it Tuesday night...and going out to buy my own copy this weekend to watch again. Two words, "princess Gemstone".

Verdant Earl said...

Very cool and Shannon Lark = blood-soaked hawtness!

spazmo said...

You've totally shattered my cynical view of show biz, Stacie. No casting couch? No shady backroom deals with the Mafia? No diva-style itemized list of demands in the contract (naptract)?

It all sounds so...sweet and genuinely impulsive! Can't wait to see it.

And if you need a corpse for your next movie, I'm your guy. (For an elementary school Christmas play, I had the part of a boy who falls asleep while waiting for Santa and listening to a babysitter read the Nativity story. Problem was, I actually did fall asleep, and my unconscious noggin had pinned the arm of the "babysitter" who was narrating the whole thing, and she couldn't turn the pages of her script, and it was really embarrassing and the whole school laughed at me for months afterward, so...I'm totally qualified!)

HelpfulCorn said...

That napkin contract is pure awesome. Although I'd keep it out of the sight of kittens and napkin enthusists...cause you know, they'd destroy it.

Not selling mint chocolate chip ice cream should be a crime. You should find a new Target.

Stacie Ponder said...

Who said there was no casting couch?? WAKKA WAKKA *rim shot*

But really, I can't deal with any diva-esque crap, especially at this stage in the game. If we're not on the same wavelength, that's cool, but I'm not really interested in working with ya, you know? And you'd be surprised what I've dealt with even on my humble little crap-o productions. There's none of that in this case, though- Shannon's the effing bomb.

I'll keep your offer in mind, though- one never knows when one will need a good corpse!

And yeah, Jim, I've got a copy of LtR sitting here I need to check out. I'm friends with quite a few people involved in that film, so I can't wait to see how it turned out!

Stacie Ponder said...

What I like about the contract is that not only does it bind her to my film, but she also has to ENJOY being in my film AND she has to lift the spirits of everyone on the set! THAT'S commitment, folks.

And I never filled in the title on it for this shoot, so I suppose I could just use it again...hmm...

Ben said...

The straw is for blowing multi-colored bubbles!

CashBailey said...

Elissa Dowling is easily the best thing about some of those truly abominable Ulli Lommel flicks.

She's very pretty and hopefully she'll graduate to more worthy parts in the future.

Watch Movies Online said...

She is the prettiest girl on this planet earth, i just wish to meet here once in my lifetime.