Bloggenaire: The Mike, From Midnight, With Love

I was wrong: I always thought there was more than one Mike. I was right: I always knew Midnight really cared! So right it's wrong: From Midnight, With Love.


1) What's the key moment that led you to click that "Start Your Blog" button?

It started off as a New Year's Resolution. I'd written for a friend's site years earlier, but grew absolutely sick of the critical aspect of it all – I mean, I like movies, I don't want to degrade them. So, when I decided I wanted to write again, I wanted to start things back up on my terms and talk about something I really loved. It's taken a while to get back in the swing and keep myself going, but I think I'm near achieving that goal.

2) Please describe your blog in no more than 3 sentences. You must include the words / phrases "morbid", "aesthetic", and "electromagnetic".

From Midnight, With Love started with no desire to worship the morbid, nor did it intend to praise some cinematic aesthetic that exists in the minds of the cinephile. What I wanted to do was find that electromagnetic balance between the my personality and the horror and sci-fi films I love. And I don't think electromagnetic really describes my goal, but you asked for it.

3) Bearing in mind that opinions are subjective (except mine because I'm always right), do you enjoy movies that are generally considered "bad"? Why or why not?

I absolutely do. For starters, a large percent of movies the majority call bad are simply not meeting their expectation of what is standard. I look at a movie like Greg McLean's Wolf Creek that I found to be a fascinating bit of torture (an opinion a majority of critics shared), and remember that I only saw it AFTER I'd heard many people I know in the real world proclaim it “the worst movie I've ever seen.”

On the flipside, there are the movies that are considered bad and that are actually bad, like anything produced by the SyFy Network. And they're just fun to watch. (Of course, there's a big difference between studio produced bad (i.e. - Dark Castle Entertainment) that are bad bad and the indie/low-budget stuff that's good bad. The latter's more worthy of forgiveness.

4) Did you know that there exists one variety of carnivorous parrot? It's true. They live in the mountains of New Zealand, and they eat the fat surrounding the kidneys of sheep- WHILE THE SHEEP ARE ALIVE. It's horrible.

No, I didn't. That's why I follow horror bloggers like yourself, so I can continue to hone my knowledge of things most would never consider.

5) What's the one- ONE- horror movie you love so much you want to stick it down your pants?

Halloween.

6) Adrienne Barbeau. Discuss.

Yes ma'am, I like them.


7) Why should people bother to read your blog?

Because, when I'm not struggling to form a coherent sentence, I'm trying my hardest to proudly speak out on behalf of a lot of content that most people don't give a chance. I've seen a lot of great stuff that I found through others' recommendations, and I want to help others find that same enjoyment too.

8) Where does Jigsaw get all the money he needs to build all those traps and buy all that warehouse space? Better yet, does he have some sort of engineering background? He must, right, if he designs all that crap?

My favorite theory about this is that, when he was a child, Jigsaw invented both the board game Mousetrap and lived in a scrapyard. Oh, and probably was molested.

9) Several theories regarding the reasons why people would subject themselves to watching horror films (when they're so, you know, traumatic) exist. Which is closest in line with your feelings on and reactions to the genre? Feel free to elaborate. Or don't, see if I care.

a) RELIEF THEORY: The unpleasant feelings of distress cause more stimulating feelings of relief when the unpleasantness passes- the stressed arousal caused by fear becomes pleasurable arousal later on.
b) CONTINUOUS REWARD: The excitement felt during the film is the appeal in and of itself.
c) SOCIAL THEORIES:
1) Stereotypical gender roles are reinforced: men act as protectors, women need protection.
2) Violating social norms- watching "deviant" entertainment- is exciting.
3) Experiencing heightened emotions with others makes us feel like we "belong" and we're truly part of a group.

If I had to pick one of the above, I'm probably closest to a mixture of A and B. Yeah, that's not one of the above, but it's my choice. Anyway, I'm a big fan of the thrill that horror films can produce, but as he unpleasantness passes the intrigue of the forces at work remains for me, producing an incredible wonder.

10) Which year produced better horror movies: 1977 or 1981? Why?

1981, on the strength of Evil Dead, An American Werewolf in London, and Happy Birthday to Me (relevant because it was in theaters while I was born).

11) What the eff is up with those French and their crazy horror flicks?

Ever since a college Film class that spent half of its time on Hitchcock, whom I love, and half of its time on the French New wave, which made me want to die, I've declared not to consider the French. Next question.

12) What's your favorite Animals Run Amok movie?

It's too easy of an answer, but I've got to pick The Birds. If we're going completely b-movie crazy, I'll pick the easy answer there too, Day of the Animals. In fact, these answers are too simple I'm sad. So let's move on.

13) If Jason Voorhees is on a train heading east at 80mph and Leatherface is on a train heading west at 65mph…why the hell would anyone ever watch Rob Zombie's Halloween?

For me it was because I'm a Halloween whore. I mean, I own multiple copies of each of the first FOUR Halloween films. THAT kind of whore. Now that I've seen it (twice, in the interest of full disclosure), I'm shamed. Like, Sylvia Ganush shamed.

14) What are your funereal wishes?

I'd like it if someone, if not everyone, wore a gorilla costume. And sang Whitesnake's "Here I Go Again".

15) Why do I have such a fondness for Shelley Hack? It's not like she's really done much to deserve it, but there it is.

I'm not sure, but she's in Time After Time, so I'm down with it.

16) You're on a sinking ghost ship that's being piloted by a witch. What are your last words?

“They always said she knew the way to Sail-em!” (And I'm terribly sorry for that pun.)

17) Asking about your funereal wishes and your last words means nothing, I swear.

Good to know. Gorilla suits and witches don't mesh well.

18) Do you know where I can get some lye?

I can only be so clever in a day. And right now I've got nothing. Get back to me tomorrow.

Doesn't Spider-Man realize he's proving J. Jonah Jameson right by turning to a life of crime?

19) Weren't you glad when THAT JERK in THAT HORROR MOVIE got what was coming to him?

Well...yeah, I was. I never liked Gregory Peck anyway.

20) Overall, what’s your favorite era of horror films?

The 1970s, easily. I'd probably put 4 from the decade among my top 10 horrors, including the top 2. Horror of the '70s seemed to focus on not only the supernatural, but on the divide between good and pure evil, and that's always been the most interesting part of horror to me.

21) Would you rather be:

1) a vampire
2) a witch/warlock
3) a werewolf
4) a Frankenstein (and yes, I know technically it’s “Frankenstein’s monster” but “a Frankenstein” sounds better)
5) a Jaws

Well, I'm a big Frankenstein fan, but I'd get sick of lynch mobs. One is funny, but after a while they're repressive. I don't like to swim, so Jaws is out. If I say vampire, Twilight will come up, so that's out. Being a witch/warlock would be fun, especially if it's possible to switch between genders, but it's against my religion. So werewolf it is. I can live with that.

22) If you could turn back time- if you could find a way- would you take back those words that hurt me, so I’d stay?

As long as I don't step on any butterflies.

23) What's something you want people to know about you or your blog that I didn't ask?

We're small (“we” being me), but we're mighty. FMWL might not fulfill everyone's desires, but I'm doing everything I can to shed some light on some hidden treasures, and I'd be honored if any of you would like to come along for the ride. (Also, if I say “totally” about a movie or call something in it “awesome”, I really mean it. If I say “totally awesome”, that's a magical conjunction.)

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Big thanks to The Mike. Stay tuned for anther exciting episode of...THE BLOGGENAIRES!

awesome movie poster friday - the MORE LESBIAN VAMPIRES edition!

...because you can never have just one AMPF Lesbian Vampire edition! They're like potato chips that way.

If you didn't listen to my show live...

...well, I guess that's okay. I'll try not to take it personally- in fact, I'll put all the blame on my co-host. Still, you can redeem yourself by downloading last night's episode The Scare-ening 2: The Re-Scare-ening. We had terrific guests, weird callers (seriously, what was up with Danielle Harris that guy?), and much NSFWness. Listen today and be the envy of everyone in the whole world!

This could be you!

"You need someone to show you the ropes, hon, you just come see me."

"I know all the best stores."

don't forget!

Tonight at 8pm PST / 11pm EST join me and Heidi Martinuzzi for The Scare-ening! We'll be chatting with actress/writer Brea Grant of Heroes and Halloween 2. You can totally call in and, like, talk to her and stuff. Only a jerk wouldn't want to do that!

The Scare-ening, with guest Brea Grant

This may be Photoshopped.

wednesday comix: WE WILL BURY YOU #1

The 1920s were a tumultuous time. Lindbergh made the first solo, non-stop trans-Atlantic flight. Telephones were en vogue. Women fought for their rights. Prohibition kept boozin' on the DL. Pole sitting and marathon dancing were popular. Then there was that zombie outbreak in New York City.

Yes, zombies in the Big Apple...so goes 1927 as imagined by writers Brea Grant, Zane Austin Grant, and artist Kyle Strahm. Before it gets to the zombies, though, We Will Bury You offers a fascinating glimpse into the sexual politics of the day. Our heroine, Mirah, is all flapper chic, enticing men to spend their money dancing with her in a clip joint. She 's married to Henry, who finds his wife's profession and attitude wanton and her morals loose. Mirah rails against his misogynist attitude.

While at her place of employ later on, Mirah meets up with her lover Fanya, a cross-dressing Ukranian immigrant. Before we delve too deeply into their relationship, there's a zombie outbreak in the club. The women end up on the street, in the midst of bedlam.


Until the undead showed up, I almost forgot that We Will Bury You is a zombie horror comic- and that's not a bad thing. The brother-sister writing team of Zane and Brea Grant set the story in an interesting time period, one that's politically charged; as zombie films (particularly those from George Romero) tend to be rife with social commentary, so it should come as no shock that a zombie comic can be the same. Still, I almost didn't want the zombies to show up quite yet, for I was enjoying the character development at play. I'm anxious, though, to see how the rest of the mini-series plays out.


Not gonna lie: it took me a while to get used to Kyle Strahm's artwork. Photoshop and Illustrator have all but taken over the mainstream comics industry; there's a slickness to most modern comic art that's pretty but oddly soulless- sometimes there isn't any paper involved in the process at all. Strahm's art seems to be the opposite of that. There's a tactile quality to it, as if he's dug the pen into the paper. Of course, this fits with the whole "rotting corpses" angle quite nicely. His R. Crumb meets Rick Geary meets Richard Corben style is gruesome...so much so that it can be difficult, at times, to discern the living from the dead from the undead.

Overall, I'd say don't avoid We Will Bury You, even if you think zombies are overplayed. This book shows there's still some meat left on those rotting bones.

Bloggenaire: Casey Criswell, Cinema Fromage

Cinema Fromage's motto is "We watch crap so you don't have to." While I admire their altruism, at the end of the day they don't actually prevent me from watching crap...therefore, I'm still in the midst of, say, The fucking Cavern before I know what's going on. What's up with that, Casey? You need to help me, because I clearly cannot help myself.

Gnnnnahh I hate The Cavern SO MUCH.


1) What's the key moment that led you to click that "Start Your Blog" button?

I sat for years saying ‘I want to be a writer!’ followed by ‘I don’t know what to write’. Eventually it dawned on me that all of my friends were generally dismayed and astounded by my love of bad horror movies, or you could say ‘Cheesy Movies’. I’m fairly thick-skulled, so it took awhile to sink in. Eventually, I happened across an article on writing that preached ‘write what you know’. I’m not a film expert by any means, I went to college for music and computers, but I did love a lot of bad horror films. So then I pressed start and Cinema Fromage was born.

2) Please describe your blog in no more than 3 sentences. You must include the words / phrases "morbid", "aesthetic", and "electromagnetic".

Warning: Cinema Fromage contains a morbid fascination with cheese as presented with the aesthetic of year-old mold. Beware of the electromagnetic pull as the words pour into your brain; they have been known to induce seizures on the weak minded. Should you find yourself sweating as you comprehend the sheer amount of b-cinema this one man partakes on any given day, please consult your local physician as soon as possible.

3) Bearing in mind that opinions are subjective (except mine because I'm always right), do you enjoy movies that are generally considered "bad"? Why or why not?

Most definitely. First of all, I am a firm believer that it is possible to find something to enjoy in any movie out there. It may only be something as minute as ‘that makeup scar on that one zombie was really cool’, but you find it if you want to bad enough. Beyond that, as much as I want to consider myself a blogger, film critic or whatever, watching movies should be first and foremost fun, and when you’re having a good laugh? It’s always fun!

4) Did you know that there exists one variety of carnivorous parrot? It's true. They live in the mountains of New Zealand, and they eat the fat surrounding the kidneys of sheep- WHILE THE SHEEP ARE ALIVE. It's horrible.

I did not know that. It makes me a bit scared to visit New Zealand though. I’m a bit on the hairy side and might easily be mistaken for a woolly sheep by a near-sighted Cannibal Parrot. I’ve uh…got a lot of fat around my kidneys too.

Is there a horror fan Kane Hodder hasn't choked? If he chokes them all, who will be left to sign an internet petition to get him back as Jason?

5) What's the one- ONE- horror movie you love so much you want to stick it down your pants?

Something Wicked This Way Comes! It’s all about Jonathon Pryce and that beard! Er…it’s a good movie too. But really, everything about that movie is the embodiment of lying in bed late at night when you were 10 years old imagining you heard something moving around outside on a fall night. That’s good stuff folks.

6) Adrienne Barbeau. Discuss.

Hubba. Hubba. Adrienne’s the original ass kicking leading lady! When Adrienne came along, your scream queens were no longer running about topless and hiding in the worst possible spots when being chased by a masked killer. No, she stood up, kicked ass and took names!

And for the cool aside; I met Adrienne at Horror Hound Weekend last year in Indianapolis. Despite the long lines, crowds wanting to take her picture, etc. she was still a sweetheart and very nice. Beyond that, she noticed my 8-year-old daughter standing with me. She took the time to walk out from behind the table, kneel down to my daughter’s level, and a have a full blown conversation about her time doing voices for Scooby Doo on Zombie Island. Adrienne Barbeau? She’s all class.

7) Why should people bother to read your blog?

By god, if I’m going to take the time to type it up there, the least you could do is take the time to read it. But not really.

As I said before, I’m no expert on the finer points of film, but I know what I like. I aim to provide a look at movies from the view of everybody else out there reading instead of a high strung and lofty word using film school critic. Nothing against them at all, but sometimes people need to know what people just like them thought of a movie. That’s what you’re going to find at Cinema Fromage.

8) Where does Jigsaw get all the money he needs to build all those traps and buy all that warehouse space? Better yet, does he have some sort of engineering background? He must, right, if he designs all that crap?

He owns all those warehouses, there has to be a meth lab or two in there somewhere! He was obviously a pretty smart guy, so it’s easy to assume that he would have invested his meth profits pretty wisely. He’s not just going to throw it about willy-nilly on ipods and stuff. You’d think at some point though it would have dawned on him to spend some of that money on his cancer treatments since he was rejected by his insurance, but eh… he was having fun. As for the engineering background, I can’t say. He could just be one of those guys like my father-in-law who likes to find the most difficult solution for a simple problem!

You don't want to know where that hose leads. Or maybe you do!

9) Several theories regarding the reasons why people would subject themselves to watching horror films (when they're so, you know, traumatic) exist. Which is closest in line with your feelings on and reactions to the genre? Feel free to elaborate. Or don't, see if I care.

a) RELIEF THEORY: The unpleasant feelings of distress cause more stimulating feelings of relief when the unpleasantness passes- the stressed arousal caused by fear becomes pleasurable arousal later on.
b) CONTINUOUS REWARD: The excitement felt during the film is the appeal in and of itself.
c) SOCIAL THEORIES:
1) Stereotypical gender roles are reinforced: men act as protectors, women need protection.
2) Violating social norms- watching "deviant" entertainment- is exciting.
3) Experiencing heightened emotions with others makes us feel like we "belong" and we're truly part of a group.

The closest would have to be the relief theory, but it doesn’t fit completely. More than anything, it’s simple escapism. Despite how frustrating your day has been up until now? That person getting hacked apart on your TV screen is having a worse day than you are! Going even further beyond, we all deal with relationships, awkward situations, drama and the like all day, every day. If I want to escape for a bit? I don’t want to sit and watch and a movie that rehashes everything I’ve already dealt with today such as drama, awkward situations or depressing stuff. Action movies fit in well here too though, because watching things explode is always good old fashioned escapism too!

10) Which year produced better horror movies: 1977 or 1981? Why?

1981. Fashion sense, disco was dead, the rise of punk, uh…boobs, that kind of stuff. More than anything, I was 4 in 1977 and I was 7 in 1981. It’s probably as simple as I could identify more with the social norms that film makers were playing with in those days. In ’77, I didn’t really care if it didn’t involve Star Wars or Bugs Bunny.

11) What the eff is up with those French and their crazy horror flicks?

I don’t know, but I like what they’re doing! Those folks are pretty intense! Maybe it has something to do with all the snails they like to eat.

12) What's your favorite Animals Run Amok movie?

For a modern spin, I freaking loved Grizzly Park! Brody the Bear was pretty awesome for a bear.

13) If Jason Voorhees is on a train heading east at 80mph and Leatherface is on a train heading west at 65mph…why the hell would anyone ever watch Rob Zombie's Halloween?

Because it really wasn’t that bad! Sure, it wasn’t the original, but the first one was a big old fashioned fanboy salute! As for the second one, your guess is as good as mine. Come on Rob, step up and prove the haters wrong; let somebody else write the script, you do the directing. Then they’ll get on board.


14) What are your funereal wishes?

Don’t embalm me, my ass is coming back.

15) Why do I have such a fondness for Shelley Hack? It's not like she's really done much to deserve it, but there it is.

From what I’ve seen, I think you have a strong fondness for poofy hair in the 80’s!

16) You're on a sinking ghost ship that's being piloted by a witch. What are your last words?

“Dear, I told you to stop and ask directions back at the marina.”

17) Asking about your funereal wishes and your last words means nothing, I swear.

Just have the pizza rolls ready when I show up after the funeral and everything will be okay.

18) Do you know where I can get some lye?

Ask that twitchy guy that works down at Home Depot. He’s got his own stash in the back room. He will charge you a little extra for a finders fee though.

I don't know why Casey's so scared. Pinhead is clearly wasted.

19) Weren't you glad when THAT JERK in THAT HORROR MOVIE got what was coming to him?

Yes, that asshole! I couldn’t believe it took that long either! At least we got the satisfaction of seeing THAT happen to him.

20) Overall, what’s your favorite era of horror films?

I have a strong nostalgic bond to the 80’s just because that’s when I grew up and when I started watching them and experimenting with horror. There are a lot of strong memories of late nights watching 80’s horror flicks with my dad which always make them just a bit more warm and fuzzy. That, and the hair.

21) Would you rather be:

1) a vampire
2) a witch/warlock
3) a werewolf
4) a Frankenstein (and yes, I know technically it’s “Frankenstein’s monster” but “a Frankenstein” sounds better)
5) a Jaws

A Frankenstein! Have you ever seen me in the morning? I’m already half way there!


22) If you could turn back time- if you could find a way- would you take back those words that hurt me, so I’d stay?

Put your little hand in mine, there ain’t no hill or mountain we can’t climb. Babe. You get me?

23) What's something you want people to know about you or your blog that I didn't ask?

Cinema Fromage contains ZERO TRANS FATS!

And yes, ‘Criswell’ is my real name, not a pen name in homage to ‘The Amazing Criswell’. Pretty nifty co-winkydink though!

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When he's not tooling around at Cinema Fromage, Casey can be found at Bloody Good Horror. Clearly he's a GD overachiever. Stay tuned for anther exciting episode of...THE BLOGGENAIRES!

i wish

23:45 - Vampyres

(review)

Dead Space: Downfall

Dead Space: Downfall (2008) is a sci-fi/horror animated feature that bridges the gap between the 6-issue comic miniseries Dead Space and the video game of the same name. Just for fun, let's do some math.

(cartoon + comic + video game) x (sci-fi + horror) = (Final Girl + Dead Space) / love

On the planet Aegis VII, colonists have unearthed a massive artifact of alien origin. After the discovery, violent incidents erupt throughout the colony; a religious group (the Unitologists) claim that the artifact is cursed. The mining ship Ishimura arrives and the artifact is brought on board. In a startling twist, this turns out to be a mistake.

Before long, Ishimura crew members are suicidin' and homicidin' like nobody's business. To make matters worse, dead bodies are reanimated and transformed into necromorphs, grotesque creatures who like to use their pointy appendages for stabbing people TO THE DEATH. Security chief Alissa Vincent and her rag-tag group of marine-types try to regain control of the ship, battling necromorphs, crazy crew members, and a religious zealot of a captain who thinks everything is hunky-dory.

If you've played Dead Space, which begins with the Kellion answering the distress call from the seemingly abandoned Ishimura, you know that Downfall is going to end badly for Vincent and the rest of the crew. Such is the peril of the prequel. The fun, of course, is watching the destruction...and man, is there destruction. BREAKING NEWS: cartoons are not just for kids! Dead Space: Downfall is insanely violent and gory- more so than most live-action horror movies, even. People are impaled, cut in half...body parts fly and blood paints the walls of the ship.

To be honest, I'm not sure what viewers who are unfamiliar with Dead Space will get out of Downfall beyond some visceral, energetic violence and gore. There's nothing wrong with 75 minutes of bloody, spacey, monstery horror, of course...but the narrative is a bit convoluted. Themes explored in the game, such as religious zealotry, are only touched on in the film. The characters are simply mutant fodder- Alissa, for example, is little more than a gun and a bunch of swear words. Still, if you're a sci-fi/horror nut like me, you'll have a good time. The animation itself is a bit stiff- it feels like a superhero cartoon from the early-90s. It didn't really bother me, but then again I like early-90s superhero cartoons.

To sum up, I really dug it...but I knew I would. I mean, you can't argue with math. Okay, you can, but you'll just look stupid.

Bloggenaire: Cortez the Killer, Planet of Terror

I'm going to assume that Cortez of Planet of Terror wouldn't be so foolish as to call himself "The Killer" if he really was a killer. I mean, it would be crazy to admit it and thus court police action! Also, it would be chilling.


1) What's the key moment that led you to click that "Start Your Blog" button?

My partner in crime (Complaint Dept.) just decided to do it one day and we started posting away, writing 5 paragraph globs of nonsense about horror films we’d watched and posting whatever random stuff we fancied (said in an English accent). I’m pretty sure we were the only two people reading our posts for like the first 6 months until that all glorious day we received our first comment (yippee!).

2) Please describe your blog in no more than 3 sentences. You must include the words / phrases "morbid", "aesthetic", and "electromagnetic".

For me, I love all things trashy 80’s and exploitation. So that’s my main focus. For Complaint Dept., he loves Italian stuff and sits through way more bad movies than I do. We try to cover the whole spectrum but all in all, we are a totally randomized blog. Oops, that’s four, including this one that’s five.

3) Bearing in mind that opinions are subjective (except mine because I'm always right), do you enjoy movies that are generally considered "bad"? Why or why not?

HELL YES. I am the connoisseur of crap and I love tons of cheese and sleaze-infested shlop. Check out my post regarding my favorite 80’s horror films (shamelessly self-promotes within self-promoting bloggenaire).

4) Did you know that there exists one variety of carnivorous parrot? It's true. They live in the mountains of New Zealand, and they eat the fat surrounding the kidneys of sheep- WHILE THE SHEEP ARE ALIVE. It's horrible.

Good luck asking that polly if they want a cracker. They’d be like ‘Bitch please, I EAT LIVERS FOR BREAKFAST!’

5) What's the one- ONE- horror movie you love so much you want to stick it down your pants?

Hard Rock Zombies (its da troof).

6) Adrienne Barbeau. Discuss.

A true talent. I had the privilege of interviewing the filmmaker of one of her recent works (check out Alice Jacobs is Dead). She’s as amazing a person in real life as onscreen.

7) Why should people bother to read your blog?

Because we say ‘poop’ a lot and phrases like ‘ding dongery’.

8) Where does Jigsaw get all the money he needs to build all those traps and buy all that warehouse space? Better yet, does he have some sort of engineering background? He must, right, if he designs all that crap?

He’s clearly a trust fund baby who spent his formative years playing with Lincoln Logs. He then moved on to basket weaving in college.

9) Several theories regarding the reasons why people would subject themselves to watching horror films (when they're so, you know, traumatic) exist. Which is closest in line with your feelings on and reactions to the genre? Feel free to elaborate. Or don't, see if I care.

a) RELIEF THEORY: The unpleasant feelings of distress cause more stimulating feelings of relief when the unpleasantness passes- the stressed arousal caused by fear becomes pleasurable arousal later on.
b) CONTINUOUS REWARD: The excitement felt during the film is the appeal in and of itself.
c) SOCIAL THEORIES:
1) Stereotypical gender roles are reinforced: men act as protectors, women need protection.
2) Violating social norms- watching "deviant" entertainment- is exciting.
3) Experiencing heightened emotions with others makes us feel like we "belong" and we're truly part of a group.

Some of these I can align myself with but its those movies that last long with you AFTER the credits roll. You know, the ones that you think about for days on end. So not always does the relief pass. And I love watching films with people whom I think would get creeped out by something that I watched. Validation can be important sometimes.

10) Which year produced better horror movies: 1977 or 1981? Why?

1981: Halloween II, An American Werewolf in London, Dead and Buried (totally underappreciated) and The Burning. ‘Nuff said.

When he's not killing or "killing", Cortez enjoys developing photographs.

11) What the eff is up with those French and their crazy horror flicks?

Jesus. You're telling me. I think its something in the water or some sort of cultural revolution or something. They are also putting out some of the best heavy metal these days, IMO.

12) What's your favorite Animals Run Amok movie?

Jurassic Park.

13) If Jason Voorhees is on a train heading east at 80mph and Leatherface is on a train heading west at 65mph…why the hell would anyone ever watch Rob Zombie's Halloween?

True. But my partner in crime still swears by it. I thought it was terrible.

14) What are your funereal wishes?

A nice eulogy from a family member or friend. And Slayer’s "Reign in Blood". You know, to spice things up a bit.

15) Why do I have such a fondness for Shelley Hack? It's not like she's really done much to deserve it, but there it is.

We all have our things. Tom Atkins is my man.

16) You're on a sinking ghost ship that's being piloted by a witch. What are your last words?

Bitch, why can’t you fly this shit?

17) Asking about your funereal wishes and your last words means nothing, I swear.

At least you haven’t asked me what my favorite color is.

18) Do you know where I can get some lye?

http://www.lyedepot.com

19) Weren't you glad when THAT JERK in THAT HORROR MOVIE got what was coming to him?

That fucker Teddy deserved it in Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter. I don’t care what anyone says. What a douche.

20) Overall, what’s your favorite era of horror films?

80’s followed closely by the 70’s.

21) Would you rather be:

1) a vampire
2) a witch/warlock
3) a werewolf
4) a Frankenstein (and yes, I know technically it’s “Frankenstein’s monster” but “a Frankenstein” sounds better)
5) a Jaws

Vampire. Solely for the reason that they can just look at a girl and bag her. I’d also be the first vampire to invent synthetic beer that provides the same bodily sustenance as blood. That True Blood ain’t got shit on me.

22) If you could turn back time- if you could find a way- would you take back those words that hurt me, so I’d stay?

If I could reach the stars, I’d give them all to you.

23) What's something you want people to know about you or your blog that I didn't ask?

We love indie horror and support indie filmmakers mucho. We typically try and spotlight indie horror films and directors at least once a month.

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Big thanks to Cortez the Killer! Stay tuned for another exciting episode of...THE BLOGGENAIRES!

like a big pizza pie

Once upon a time, I made a short film about zombies and pizza and entered it into a contest. Because the film was essentially an advert for the pizza, it had to feature the pizza. This particular establishment was not local to me, and therefore I had to procure some of their frozen pies to use. When all of us gathered to make movie magic ate some of this pizza, we came to a startling realization: it was fucking gross. This hurt me deeply in my heart place because as you know, I love pizza. When pizza is disgusting, I'm not exaggerating when I say that I consider it to be a tragedy. I want the offending dough-cheese-sauce thing to be stripped of its "pizza" moniker. I want to emblazon it with a scarlet C (for crap) to warn others away from it, lest they feel the disappointment I feel.

In short, bad pizza makes me want to cry.

I don't understand how anyone could get it wrong...I mean, there's a formula, right? That formula gives you a nice solid foundation on which you can add your own flair (by "flair" I mean "black olives"), making it even better.

Okay, maybe I don't know what I'm talking about. This is all some awkward, post-lunch metaphor for formulaic horror movies- you know, like slasher movies and lesbian vampire movies. When the formula works, it's delicious. I'm not one to decry the same ol' same ol' when it's done well- and baby, Jose Larraz's Vampyres (1974) is done well!

Phew, awful metaphor over.

Vampyres opens with a cryptic scene that finds a figure, seen only in shadow, unleashing bullets (from a gun!) on our heroines, who happen to be engaging in some naked lesbionic antics. Questions abound: is this a flashback, or a flash-forward? Why would anyone shoot a couple of innocent, cavorting lesbians?

After this explosive, nudetastic intro, the movie becomes your typical lesbian vampire movie: a young couple runs into mysterious women, the mysterious women lure young men back to their castle, the young men are wined and dined (on), the mysterious women get it on with each other. Like I said, Vampyres is typical and formulaic, and the plot, as it were, is bare-bones...but who the hell cares?

This is an entertaining, stylish erotic horror movie that hits all the right notes for its genre: the women are gorgeous (the men...err, less so), the sex is racy, the blood and violence ample, the cloaks are velvet, the castle grounds are lush and mist-covered...essentially, it's everything you could want in a lesbian vampire movie.

In the end, you'll undoubtedly be left with questions, some of which are more frustrating than others. Are Fran (Marianne Morris) and Miriam (Anulka) really vampires? If so, where are their fangs...and more importantly, why do they spend so much time in the sunlight as they frantically attempt to get out of the sunlight? Of course, this may all be Larraz playing around with vampire tropes- although the scenes that bookend the film indicate that the women may not be vampires at all.

Look, I've got to get through a lot of lesbian vampire movies to fulfill Category 5 for Operation: 101010, and I know they're not all going to be gems (bad lesbian vampire movies make me want to cry). Believe me, that's almost as depressing as that shitty frozen pizza I was talking about earlier. I'm already imagining a future time when I'm on...oh, let's say entry #8 in Category 5, watching some horrible movie from 2007 that gets the formula oh-so-wrong, when I'm crying out that it shouldn't be that hard to get the formula oh-so-right and why can't actresses have real bodies anymore and why did I make this subgenre a part of Operation 101010...that's when I'll think back to Vampyres and I will smile. I will smile the smile of a gorehound-letch who likes to watch sapphic bloodsuckers...uh, suck blood and be all sapphic and stuff. And really, isn't that all of us?