NOTES:1) If only Jaws: The Revenge was as good as the Jaws: The Revenge poster.
2) The action-packed poster for The Swarm is effing hot stuff.
3) I need to watch Dressed to Kill again soon.
Dec 7, 2007
awesome movie poster friday- the MICHAEL CAINE edition!
NOTES:1) If only Jaws: The Revenge was as good as the Jaws: The Revenge poster.
2) The action-packed poster for The Swarm is effing hot stuff.
3) I need to watch Dressed to Kill again soon.
Dec 6, 2007
boldly going
Earlier this week we whaled on another Film Club pick, which can only mean one thing: 'tis time to pick anew! It's indeed a joyous day. This month's pick has most likely been seen already by 99% of you, but...as much as it shames me to admit, it's new to me: Dario Argento's 1977 pas de death, Suspiria.
My forays into the world of gialli have been woefully few; truth be told, it's a subgenre I'm not all that crazy about- but I want to be crazy about it, so I'm gonna keep a-tryin'. Who knows, some day perhaps gialli and I will really hit it off. However, even if we never mesh, at least I can say I tried! Choosing Suspiria for the Film Club is like eating brussel sprouts simply because they're good for you, or maybe it's like going on a date with an ugly person who everybody says is nice. Fingers crossed!
At any rate, you can find Suspiria on Netflix by clicking here, if that's your bag.
The film: Suspiria
The due date: Monday, January 14
My forays into the world of gialli have been woefully few; truth be told, it's a subgenre I'm not all that crazy about- but I want to be crazy about it, so I'm gonna keep a-tryin'. Who knows, some day perhaps gialli and I will really hit it off. However, even if we never mesh, at least I can say I tried! Choosing Suspiria for the Film Club is like eating brussel sprouts simply because they're good for you, or maybe it's like going on a date with an ugly person who everybody says is nice. Fingers crossed!At any rate, you can find Suspiria on Netflix by clicking here, if that's your bag.
The film: Suspiria
The due date: Monday, January 14
Dec 5, 2007
Ridiculous Faces of Death 7: The Hand
I'm not exactly sure why, but I found Stella Roche (Annie McEnroe), a supporting character in yesterday's Film Club flick The Hand, to be...I don't know- fascinating might be too strong of a word. Intriguing, maybe? Yes, intriguing. Stella was a townie girl who had a reputation of being a bit stuck-up, though who can say why. She worked at the grocery store. She rode a motorcycle. She was taking classes at the local community college- in cartooning of all things, and her sketchbook efforts were absolutely dreadful but she didn't seem to notice. She drank her beer out of a can and she liked to "make it" in a bed- as her professor, Jon Lansdale (Michael Caine), found out one afternoon. She was just one of those characters I wanted to learn more about.
I never really got a chance. For reasons unknown, Stella decided to spend the 2-week Christmas holiday vacation in Los Angeles with Jon's friend- and he was hinting to Jon that it would be nothing but 2 weeks-o-humpin'. This made Jon mad. This made Jon's severed hand attack! Poor Stella felt the hand's fury underneath Jon's Christmas tree. The tragedy of death seemed...err, not so tragic later on when police found Stella stuffed in the trunk of Jon's car:
Siiiigh. She looks like an extra from the recently released DVD Dawn of the Dead '78: The Special Needs Edition.
I never really got a chance. For reasons unknown, Stella decided to spend the 2-week Christmas holiday vacation in Los Angeles with Jon's friend- and he was hinting to Jon that it would be nothing but 2 weeks-o-humpin'. This made Jon mad. This made Jon's severed hand attack! Poor Stella felt the hand's fury underneath Jon's Christmas tree. The tragedy of death seemed...err, not so tragic later on when police found Stella stuffed in the trunk of Jon's car:
Siiiigh. She looks like an extra from the recently released DVD Dawn of the Dead '78: The Special Needs Edition.
Dec 4, 2007
Film Club: The Hand
1981 rules! Of course, you should all know that by now as I've mentioned it time and time again. Yes, that magical year is the one that brought us this month's Film Club pick, Oliver Stone's The Hand. Equal parts psychological thriller an straight-up grisly horror flick, The Hand leaves us all asking but one simple question: Gawd, is there anything 1981 can't do?
I swear to God, there's a Charmin joke in here somewhere but I can't quite get to it.
Michael Caine stars as Jon Lansdale, a comic strip artist going through some tough times with his 'cuckoo for yoga puffs' wife Anne (Andrea Marcovicci). Anne wants to move to New York, Jon wants to stay put, Anne decides she's going to go anyway and take their daughter Lizzie (Mara Hobel) with her as well, yet she still expects Jon to support them. Anne, you see, is a bit of a jerk.
Unfortunately for Jon, she decides to be at her jerkiest while she's driving. Her antics put her on the wrong side of the road at the very wrong time; there's a car accident that's so grimace inducing that I...well, I grimaced and slapped my hand over my mouth. My roommate, however, screamed and made me rewind it three times. Now that's hardcore!
Jon loses his right hand in the accident- his right hand, his drawing hand...his moneymaker. Though he's fitted with a super-sweet robot-looking metal hand, it doesn't give Jon enough control to work a brush properly and he can't continue working on his strip. You may be surprised to find out that this is a bit devastating to Jon. As someone who draws for a living, I could certainly sympathize with his plight. I can't imagine losing my right hand- or rather, I can imagine it and I don't like the results. I tell ya, the only thing preventing me from getting in barroom brawls like every weekend is my fear of breaking my hand and being unable to work. I suppose I could just roundhouse kick everybody, but that's not nearly as much fun as punching someone and sending them flying through those swinging saloon doors. Not that I've ever done it, but it does look cool- though not as cool as when you toss someone and they go sliding down the bar on their belly, shattering beer steins as they go. Then the prostitutes are all like "Oh my!" and they lift their ruffled skirts and scurry away; the piano player in the stripey shirt and the little hat keeps right on playing as if nothing has happened, and the drunk guy at the bar who looks like an old(er)-timey Walter Matthau lifts his drink right as the guy on the bar slides by so he doesn't lose a precious drop of his ripple.
Wait, what was I talking about? Umm...
Oh, yeah- so Jon gets despondent. Everything begins to go really really wrong for him- he loses his comic strip, his wife, his friend, his townie girlfriend...and then he totally loses them all permanently when his severed hand appears and makes with the squeeze-squeeze. Gee, everyone who makes Jon angry ends up on the receiving end of a little five-finger justice. What in the world is going on? Is Jon's hand really scuttling about, doing his dirty work? Or has Jon himself gone mad and he's projecting? Has Jon gone mad because he's slowly morphing into Gene Wilder, or is Jon slowly morphing into Gene Wilder because he's gone mad?
There's a good chance that The Hand would be an absolutely ludicrous film were it not for Michael Caine and Oliver Stone. However, Caine puts in a great performance- one not nearly as odd and over-the-top as the one in, say, The Swarm- and Stone approaches the material as a character study of a man pushed to the brink. He doesn't skimp on the horror, though, and every time the eeeeevil hand gets busy, it's extremely violent and bloody...and not as laughable as you might expect.
Moment to look for: Stone himself shows up in an alleyway, and gives Jon the time-honored Hobo's One-Stump Salute.
The Hand isn't what I expected- what I expected was kooky, silly fun. It is kooky, silly fun, I suppose, but in a very serious way. I couldn't help but imagine what a remake of this film would be like; I doubt there would be as much time spent with the characters, building an actual story. Here, the "action", so to speak, is a long-time coming. I think in an updated version the hand would get down to business much quicker. There'd also be a scene with some guy and some girl making out...she isn't ready to go "all the way" and so the dude would take off in a huff. After she falls asleep, the hand would crawl under her shirt and she'd be all "Jeff, I told you I didn't want to. Jeff, stop it. Jeff...?" and then she'd see the severed hand grabbing her boob and she'd be like "Ahhh!" and then the hand would kill her.
What? I'm not a perv- you know that would happen.
____________________________________________
Give it up for The Film Club Coolies! Post 'em if you got 'em, and tell me what you think!
$7 Popcorn
Gatochy's Blog
Bloody Mary's Movie Revue
Evil on Two Legs
Askewed Views
I swear to God, there's a Charmin joke in here somewhere but I can't quite get to it.Michael Caine stars as Jon Lansdale, a comic strip artist going through some tough times with his 'cuckoo for yoga puffs' wife Anne (Andrea Marcovicci). Anne wants to move to New York, Jon wants to stay put, Anne decides she's going to go anyway and take their daughter Lizzie (Mara Hobel) with her as well, yet she still expects Jon to support them. Anne, you see, is a bit of a jerk.
Unfortunately for Jon, she decides to be at her jerkiest while she's driving. Her antics put her on the wrong side of the road at the very wrong time; there's a car accident that's so grimace inducing that I...well, I grimaced and slapped my hand over my mouth. My roommate, however, screamed and made me rewind it three times. Now that's hardcore!
Jon loses his right hand in the accident- his right hand, his drawing hand...his moneymaker. Though he's fitted with a super-sweet robot-looking metal hand, it doesn't give Jon enough control to work a brush properly and he can't continue working on his strip. You may be surprised to find out that this is a bit devastating to Jon. As someone who draws for a living, I could certainly sympathize with his plight. I can't imagine losing my right hand- or rather, I can imagine it and I don't like the results. I tell ya, the only thing preventing me from getting in barroom brawls like every weekend is my fear of breaking my hand and being unable to work. I suppose I could just roundhouse kick everybody, but that's not nearly as much fun as punching someone and sending them flying through those swinging saloon doors. Not that I've ever done it, but it does look cool- though not as cool as when you toss someone and they go sliding down the bar on their belly, shattering beer steins as they go. Then the prostitutes are all like "Oh my!" and they lift their ruffled skirts and scurry away; the piano player in the stripey shirt and the little hat keeps right on playing as if nothing has happened, and the drunk guy at the bar who looks like an old(er)-timey Walter Matthau lifts his drink right as the guy on the bar slides by so he doesn't lose a precious drop of his ripple.Wait, what was I talking about? Umm...
Oh, yeah- so Jon gets despondent. Everything begins to go really really wrong for him- he loses his comic strip, his wife, his friend, his townie girlfriend...and then he totally loses them all permanently when his severed hand appears and makes with the squeeze-squeeze. Gee, everyone who makes Jon angry ends up on the receiving end of a little five-finger justice. What in the world is going on? Is Jon's hand really scuttling about, doing his dirty work? Or has Jon himself gone mad and he's projecting? Has Jon gone mad because he's slowly morphing into Gene Wilder, or is Jon slowly morphing into Gene Wilder because he's gone mad?
There's a good chance that The Hand would be an absolutely ludicrous film were it not for Michael Caine and Oliver Stone. However, Caine puts in a great performance- one not nearly as odd and over-the-top as the one in, say, The Swarm- and Stone approaches the material as a character study of a man pushed to the brink. He doesn't skimp on the horror, though, and every time the eeeeevil hand gets busy, it's extremely violent and bloody...and not as laughable as you might expect.Moment to look for: Stone himself shows up in an alleyway, and gives Jon the time-honored Hobo's One-Stump Salute.
The Hand isn't what I expected- what I expected was kooky, silly fun. It is kooky, silly fun, I suppose, but in a very serious way. I couldn't help but imagine what a remake of this film would be like; I doubt there would be as much time spent with the characters, building an actual story. Here, the "action", so to speak, is a long-time coming. I think in an updated version the hand would get down to business much quicker. There'd also be a scene with some guy and some girl making out...she isn't ready to go "all the way" and so the dude would take off in a huff. After she falls asleep, the hand would crawl under her shirt and she'd be all "Jeff, I told you I didn't want to. Jeff, stop it. Jeff...?" and then she'd see the severed hand grabbing her boob and she'd be like "Ahhh!" and then the hand would kill her.What? I'm not a perv- you know that would happen.
____________________________________________
Give it up for The Film Club Coolies! Post 'em if you got 'em, and tell me what you think!
$7 Popcorn
Gatochy's Blog
Bloody Mary's Movie Revue
Evil on Two Legs
Askewed Views
Dec 3, 2007
Breaking news!
HOLY CRAP. Apparently I'm continuing on being LAME, for I just this very second remembered that the Film Club thingy was due today. Because I forgot- which is probably because of something you did- I will post a review of The Hand tomorrow. Pinky swear, and a thousand apologies.
Nov 30, 2007
awesome movie poster friday- the LAME edition!
Ah, bad movie poster art...or should I say, movie poster art that I think is bad. We all know that not everyone in the world agrees with me on everything. We also know that those people are jerks, so whatevs.
I've mentioned some absolutely awful posters here at FG in the past, and they're just so...so... LAME that I feel the need to mention them again. Oh, Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning, how I sincerely fucking hated thee. We were doomed from the start, I'm afraid, because of your "one lonely man and his chainsaw" approach to the poster art. But you couldn't stop there, could you? You just had to take it three or four steps further with your next attempt at the "OMG Leatherface is an idiot man-child who loves his chainsaw" motif. For reals, is he gonna hug that saw and squeeze it and call it George? Seriously, I should be running from him in fear, not patting him on the head.
In other "how to, for lack of a better term, emasculate (or maybe "de-scarify") (or maybe completely fuck up) movie psychos" news...umm...what the fuck is this?
That's gotta be the least scary image of a giant, gooey zombified dude with a machete and a crispy, burned up knife-glove wielding child molester ever. It looks more like a poster for the latest Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen "OMG one of them is a kooky free-spirit and the other is a studious, uptight nerd but they'll get into a wacky adventure and learn a bit about life...and each other! Co-starring Paul Giamatti as the stern authority figure who just doesn't get it" flick. You know, like when Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen were nine.
Moving on, let's talk about the '90s, shall we? Or, as the decade is more popularly known, "The Era In Which The Let's Put A Bunch Of Faces Staring Vapidly On A Horror Movie Poster Because That's So Intriguing And Scary Method Was Born". I don't know why that moniker never caught on. At any rate, I blame the success of this poster style on the Scream franchise, in particular Scream 2- the poster, instead of focusing on the absolute creepiness of Ghostface, focused on the fresh-faced stars of today- and tomorrow!
From there, the ball just kept on a rollin'. Damn you, Scream 2...damn you to HELL!
NOTES:
1) The scariest thing about that Scream 3 poster is whatever it is they've done to the faces of Courtney Cox-Arquette and Parker Posey.
2) Holy crap, you can so smell the '90s on that Urban Legend poster. It smells like Noxema! And Taradise.
3) It pains me deeply to include Final Destination 2 and House on Haunted Hill here, because I love those movies with at least 86% of my heart. Those posters, however, blow. Death before dishonor! Or something.
4) My favorite people here are featured on the I'll Always Know What You Did Last Summer...Unless I Forget poster- the broad on the extreme left and the dude on the extreme right, especially her. Are they supposed to be scared? Worst scared faces EVAR.
5) Remember Joshua Jackson?
6) Okay, The Faculty, "Take me to your teacher" is a really, really bad tagline. But it reminds me of this Garfield button I had when I was a little kid; it was a picture of Garfield with a watermelon helmet and an orange wedge in his mouth, holding banana guns. He was saying "Take me to your leader or I'll atomize your face"- I wore it all the time; I thought that shit was soooo funny.
7) Remember how much Garfield loved lasagna and weekends? It sure was a lot!
8) Lame.
I've mentioned some absolutely awful posters here at FG in the past, and they're just so...so... LAME that I feel the need to mention them again. Oh, Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning, how I sincerely fucking hated thee. We were doomed from the start, I'm afraid, because of your "one lonely man and his chainsaw" approach to the poster art. But you couldn't stop there, could you? You just had to take it three or four steps further with your next attempt at the "OMG Leatherface is an idiot man-child who loves his chainsaw" motif. For reals, is he gonna hug that saw and squeeze it and call it George? Seriously, I should be running from him in fear, not patting him on the head.
In other "how to, for lack of a better term, emasculate (or maybe "de-scarify") (or maybe completely fuck up) movie psychos" news...umm...what the fuck is this?
That's gotta be the least scary image of a giant, gooey zombified dude with a machete and a crispy, burned up knife-glove wielding child molester ever. It looks more like a poster for the latest Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen "OMG one of them is a kooky free-spirit and the other is a studious, uptight nerd but they'll get into a wacky adventure and learn a bit about life...and each other! Co-starring Paul Giamatti as the stern authority figure who just doesn't get it" flick. You know, like when Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen were nine.
Moving on, let's talk about the '90s, shall we? Or, as the decade is more popularly known, "The Era In Which The Let's Put A Bunch Of Faces Staring Vapidly On A Horror Movie Poster Because That's So Intriguing And Scary Method Was Born". I don't know why that moniker never caught on. At any rate, I blame the success of this poster style on the Scream franchise, in particular Scream 2- the poster, instead of focusing on the absolute creepiness of Ghostface, focused on the fresh-faced stars of today- and tomorrow!
From there, the ball just kept on a rollin'. Damn you, Scream 2...damn you to HELL!
NOTES:
1) The scariest thing about that Scream 3 poster is whatever it is they've done to the faces of Courtney Cox-Arquette and Parker Posey.
2) Holy crap, you can so smell the '90s on that Urban Legend poster. It smells like Noxema! And Taradise.
3) It pains me deeply to include Final Destination 2 and House on Haunted Hill here, because I love those movies with at least 86% of my heart. Those posters, however, blow. Death before dishonor! Or something.
4) My favorite people here are featured on the I'll Always Know What You Did Last Summer...Unless I Forget poster- the broad on the extreme left and the dude on the extreme right, especially her. Are they supposed to be scared? Worst scared faces EVAR.
5) Remember Joshua Jackson?
6) Okay, The Faculty, "Take me to your teacher" is a really, really bad tagline. But it reminds me of this Garfield button I had when I was a little kid; it was a picture of Garfield with a watermelon helmet and an orange wedge in his mouth, holding banana guns. He was saying "Take me to your leader or I'll atomize your face"- I wore it all the time; I thought that shit was soooo funny.
7) Remember how much Garfield loved lasagna and weekends? It sure was a lot!
8) Lame.
Nov 29, 2007
Lame Week: Day 4
Proving myself to be the epitome of lame, I'm simply providing you with a link to a link, probably to another link. In situations like this, I tend to link only to the source material but this time I'd rather link to my decidedly UNlame pal JA, who lays down the skinny on that upcoming Platinum Dunes Friday the 13th remake/relaunch/reimagining/retardening:
Why can't they just cop to the fact that they're making Friday the 13th Part 11? Why all the smoke and mirrors? Grow some sac, Platinum Dunes!
Imagine if there was a story to be told somewhere between parts two and four, just add water (from Camp Crystal Lake, duh), insert a leaner, meaner, faster Jason Voorhees, set to "blend" and you've got the recipe for what Dunes, writers Damian Shannon and Mark Swift and director Marcus Nispel got cookin'.As JA points out, umm...Part 3 comes between Parts 2 and 4. And yeah, Parts 2-4 take place very close to one another chronologically. I mean, is it simply going to be some sort of "Jason Chronicles"? Like, umm...Jason kills people at the camp and stuff? BAH I SAY.
Why can't they just cop to the fact that they're making Friday the 13th Part 11? Why all the smoke and mirrors? Grow some sac, Platinum Dunes!
Nov 28, 2007
Lame Week: Day 3
Lots of good guessing flying around yesterday during Lame Week's inaugural "Name that crispy dude, or at least the movie from whence he came!" contest. Many of you recognized the flapping flap of Harris (Richard Lynch) from Bad Dreams (1988). Congrats, you know-it-alls!
Today, Lame Week continues. I bid you welcome to my totally macabre Gallery of Novelizations! You can hold hands if you get scared, but that's not a license to get fresh.
Today, Lame Week continues. I bid you welcome to my totally macabre Gallery of Novelizations! You can hold hands if you get scared, but that's not a license to get fresh.
Nov 27, 2007
Lame Week: Day 2
The awesomeness that is Lame Week continues! Hooray! I tells ya, if only my boss at Final Girl would give me a raise- why, then I could do...uh, Final Girl stuff all the live long day! But no, sorry to say...she's a jerk, and therefore I must continue to seek income in other places. But fear not! Whilst I'm out earning some dough on the nearest streetcorner by making comic books, I've devised a little game to keep you distracted today. I have cleverly titled it
Look how he's posed all nice, like a senior portrait. And don't you think the flapping flap is a nice touch?
HINT: I have reviewed this movie.
Sorry to be so lame, but if I don't earn another $20 by 11:00, Huggy Bear is gonna be pissed.
NAME THAT CRISPY DUDE, OR AT LEAST THE FILM FROM WHENCE HE CAME!
Look how he's posed all nice, like a senior portrait. And don't you think the flapping flap is a nice touch?HINT: I have reviewed this movie.
Sorry to be so lame, but if I don't earn another $20 by 11:00, Huggy Bear is gonna be pissed.
Nov 26, 2007
Lame Week: Day 1
So, listen, I'm totally trapped within an evil web of deadlines this week and I won't have time to review anything except perhaps a sandwich. However, I don't want to leave you all high and dry whilst I toil away because, as you know, I care. And so, it is born: LAME WEEK! Wherein I cram tiny little scraps of content into your gaping maws to keep you from rioting...tiny little scraps that mostly involve other people doing the hard work for me.
For example, our friends over at Bleeding Skull uploaded a trailer to YouTube that I've seen countless times- if you're anything like me (and who isn't?) once you watch it, you'll want to watch it again. Yes, it's a trailer for a film that has long been on my ABSOLUTELY MUST EFFING SEE list...I give you...THE CHILD (1977)!
"I don't have to tell you anything!" is one of the best-delivered lines in the history of ever and you know it. And excuse me..."hide and go kill"? That's a great tagline. In fact, it would make a great movie title. I guess there are 51 horror movies I'd like to see.
Isn't this post lame? Welcome to Lame Week 2007!
For example, our friends over at Bleeding Skull uploaded a trailer to YouTube that I've seen countless times- if you're anything like me (and who isn't?) once you watch it, you'll want to watch it again. Yes, it's a trailer for a film that has long been on my ABSOLUTELY MUST EFFING SEE list...I give you...THE CHILD (1977)!
"I don't have to tell you anything!" is one of the best-delivered lines in the history of ever and you know it. And excuse me..."hide and go kill"? That's a great tagline. In fact, it would make a great movie title. I guess there are 51 horror movies I'd like to see.
Isn't this post lame? Welcome to Lame Week 2007!
Nov 22, 2007
a holiday for some
Gooble gobble, y'all...it's Thanksgiving. For Americans.
I'm about to embark on a journey fraught with many dangers...let's call it The Quest for a Get-Together. Wine, women, men, probably no song, fake turkey, real turkey, and crappy movies. Will I return from this adventure with my mind and soul intact? I should hope so...growing up, they didn't call me "Pitfall Harriet" for nothin'*.
I sincerely wish you all a wonderful holiday...even if you're not American and your day won't include gluttony and sloth in the name of the day where the Pilgrims gave thanks and began the long process of hostile land takeover and genocide**. Hooray!________________________________
*No one has ever called me "Pitfall Harriett".
**Yes, that's not completely accurate, but let me save you some time, anonymous, by qualifying right now that it's a joke. Is it a good joke? Meh, it's okay. Truth be told, I much prefer this one, which some people might find offensive...yes, consider that a warning: I walked in on my grandparents having sex and now I can't eat raisins anymore. Not because they're wrinkly, but because he was shoving raisins in her pussy. Happy holidays!
Nov 21, 2007
some of the best news EVARRRR.
I saw this tasty tidbit yesterday, but I was far too busy writing about myself to have to time to report it. But I have exhausted any and all interest I had in myself, so now the time is right to let you in on what might possibly be some of the best horror movie news you'll hear for months. MONTHS, I tells ya! Seriously, hold on to something...something like maybe your wig, for surely it's about to pop off.
Ahem.
The creative team behind Final Destination 2 is currently developing Final Destination 4.
Ahem.
Final Destination 4 will be in 3-D.
OH MY FUCKING GAWD. Two of my favoritest great tastes will soon be tasting great together. That never happens! This news is so effing awesome that I don't even care about the upcoming remakes of Friday the 13th and The Birds. This one unique, original project cancels out at least 5 shitty remakes, in my opinion.
I've been pining for a return of the deliciously fun Final Destination series (all whilst shaking my head that the Saw franchise continues to chug along steadily, but FD seemed to get no love) franchise, but never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that 3-D would enter the picture. 3-D!! I fucking LOVE 3-D. Seriously, people...I'm excited about this. In fact, my metaphorical excitement boner is so huge it can be seen from outer space!
You can read more deets about the film at Bloody-Disgusting, but I'm going to point you to my pal JA's blog My New Plaid Pants for the skinny, because you should be reading it anyway.
Ahem.
The creative team behind Final Destination 2 is currently developing Final Destination 4.
Ahem.
Final Destination 4 will be in 3-D.
OH MY FUCKING GAWD. Two of my favoritest great tastes will soon be tasting great together. That never happens! This news is so effing awesome that I don't even care about the upcoming remakes of Friday the 13th and The Birds. This one unique, original project cancels out at least 5 shitty remakes, in my opinion.
I've been pining for a return of the deliciously fun Final Destination series (all whilst shaking my head that the Saw franchise continues to chug along steadily, but FD seemed to get no love) franchise, but never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that 3-D would enter the picture. 3-D!! I fucking LOVE 3-D. Seriously, people...I'm excited about this. In fact, my metaphorical excitement boner is so huge it can be seen from outer space!
You can read more deets about the film at Bloody-Disgusting, but I'm going to point you to my pal JA's blog My New Plaid Pants for the skinny, because you should be reading it anyway.
Nov 20, 2007
boooooooom!
Can you sense the waves of electric excitement emanating from your computer monitor as you read this? Can you feel those waves burning your eyes with awesome? I bet you can! No, it's not late-season allergies making your eyes well up with tears...why, that's just the supreme power of this, Final Girl's
You're damn right it is, Charles Nelson Reilly. As the kids today might say, OMG! My Two-Year Anniversary Spectacular was decidedly less than spectacular, so I figured I'd take the opportunity presented by this milestone post to embark upon a little journey down memory lane. Grab a beer or a fruit smoothie and feel free to join me as I reminisce, and be sure to add some sweet, sweet reminiscin's of your own.
People ask me all the time*, "Stacie how in the world did Final Girl ever get its start? Did the idea come to you in a fever dream? Did you see the words "START A HORROR BLOG" spelled out in a tortilla? It's hard to believe that such a blog didn't simply fall from the heavens in a rainbow shower of sparkles, but please, tell me- I must know! "
At that point in the conversation, the inquiring mind is usually on the ground clutching at the hem of my beautiful velvet robes. I free myself, insult them somehow in a clipped British accent- I tend to use some variation on the old "unwashed masses" line- and then I get back to playing video games. Yes, in beautiful velvet robes- sitting on one's couch playing Cooking Mama** is not an excuse for unglamourousness.
Anyway, as in most things in life, the primordial ooze from whence Final Girl eventually crawled was, of all things, a comic book message board. Yes, I hung from time to time out on a comic message board...in my capacity as a "comic book inker", it was all but essential to my work. One fateful afternoon, I noticed that one of my cyberpals was displaying a link to something called Dark, But Shining. I followed the link only to discover that my cyberpal had co-founded this...website- a blog, I think they call it?...about horror movies and stuff. I was intrigued, and I became a daily reader. Eventually I noticed that Dark, But Shining had links to other sites- other blogs where people were talking about horror movies and stuff. I was yet more intrigued! "Hmm," I thought. "Hmm. Hmm, indeed." Then I thought about something else, most likely about pizza or kittens.
After a few days of "Hmm"-ing, it came to me. Pointing my finger to the sky, I proclaimed loudly "Why yes! I, too, will start one of these so-called "horror" "blogs", for I, too, love horror movies and stuff! It will be remarkable and glorious...or at least, something to do!"
I studied what all the other bloggers were doing in order to come up with my niche, if you will- say, no one was writing about slasher films! I love 'em, so I figured I'd make 'em my 'thing'. Then it was onto a name, a process which set many of my brain cells on fire. I came up with an extremely short list of possibilities and settled on Final Girl. I think it's a pretty fucking rad name, although the runner-up, Stacie Magorium's Macabre Emporium of Horror Films and Pizza, Though Not Necessarily Together! would have been swell also.
All that was left was actually publishing the damn blog, and on June 11, 2005 I did just that, jumping tentatively into the horror blog community. Though today it seems as if everyone and their mother (and perhaps even their mother's mother and her favorite afghan) are blogging about horror, it was a small circle way back when, consisting primarily of Dark, But Shining, Warrenzone, The Groovy Age of Horror, M Valdemar, Mystery of the Haunted Vampire, and Corpse Eaters; to the best of my knowledge, I may have been the only female horror blogger at the time, although I know not the secrets of my peers. Some of these blogs have gone off to that big server in the sky, whilst others have changed throughout the years- Warrenzone is now forever trapped in 150 Days of Sodom (ouch!), whilst Curt and Co. have gone Beyond the Groovy Age.
This picture has nothing to do with anything, and it's only here to break up all the text. Oh, how I've gone on!
My early posts were pretty bad- not so bad that I want to delete them, but certainly bad enough that I cringe a little and think about re-writing them. What amazed me, though- and still does, truth be told- is that people were reading my crap and commenting on it. People I didn't even know! It's quite remarkable and it's one of the things I love about writing in a blog format...I really dig the interactivity of the whole process, even when you're being a jerk- or is that especially when you're being a jerk? But seriously, Final Girl has changed my life- yes, changed my life- in ways you wouldn't believe. I've made some very, very dear friends all because of this little site, and I literally have Final Girl to thank for the direction my life has taken. I've got Major Nefarious Plans That Have Yet to be Revealed, but it's nothing like what I expected when I clicked "select your template!" a couple of years ago. Altogether now...
AWWW!
Okay, enough of the mush...let's get down to brass tacks here. You there! Take my hand and let's remember together!
I love to swear. It's true. Now, I'm not one of those people who blurt out "fuck" every other word...oh my, no. Though I may completely wrong, I like to think that I swear creatively and use blue language for emphasis and the such. It's in my blood- really, you should hear my grandmother...she'd make a sailor explode in flames from the blushin'. I agonized for approximately 15 seconds as to whether or not to use foul language here at FG, but I came to a decision on this blog's second day, wherein I discussed The Ring and how it made me realize ghosts could be scary: "That image of ghosts- that just has every hooker has a heart of gold, every ghost has a heart like Casper- was shattered when the weird kid in The Ring turned to Naomi Watts and said, "You didn't help her, did you?" What the fuck?! Samara was pure evil? Oh. Oh, no. That's not playing by the rules. That's not cool at all."
I love stunts. My first event occurred rather early on in Final Girl's lifespan: SHOCKtober! I noticed that all the other horror bloggers were doing something special during the month of October, and I so desperately wanted to be a cool kid that I figured I should do something special as well. What's that? Why yes, I'd love to jump off the Brooklyn Bridge!
I had two marathons during that inaugural SHOCKtober: I watched all of the Friday the 13th films in one sitting, and a week later or so later I did the same with the Halloween films. A few highlights:
"My God, I lost an entire day of my life to the Friday the 13th films."
"You've gotta be fucking kidding me."
"My eyes were filled with tears of hatred and anger, and they burned...they burrrrrrned...."
"No no no no no no no no no. No no no nonononononononoNO! NO!"
I'm kinda surprised I'm still around to talk about it.
My love for events could not be restrained, however, and I soon began exploring the mysterious realm known as "not October". I've had Supernatural '70s Week, Ghost Week, Children Hate You Week, Animals Run Amok Week (twice, even!), Hello, Dolly! Week, and of course, Amicus Week. Actually, I used my first theme week (Supernatural '70s) as an excuse to talk about something besides slasher films. Though my focus remains on that subgenre, I think it's okay to branch out a little, right? RIGHT?! Tell me you still love me! It's obvious, looking back, that the word "week" means nothing to me; some "weeks" are only a couple of days, while others reach the double digits. The lesson here is, I cannot be restrained by society's meanings and definitions. Don't tread on me!
I love stunts...and you! In an attempt to meld my love of the themes and my love of the FG commenters, I began the Final Girl Film Club.
Okay, I say it was attempt to meld my love of the themes and my love of the FG commenters, but we all know it's really a small part of my ongoing bid for world domination...today, I make people watch horror movies...tomorrow, I will rule the universe! If there's one thing we all know by now, it's that I'm a power monger.
Anyway, the first Film Club post wasn't really a Film Club post at all- I synched up for a flick with my pal Brennon...err, John Barleycorn...of Look Back in Anger. We both watched Strange Behavior and wrote about it on the same day, with hilarious results ensuing...as well as the idea to do it again, with more people:
I love the funny. Sometimes, I write some funny stuff. I think this stuff is funny:
Night of Bloody Horror: "Having Gerald McRaney of television's Major Dad in a movie is one thing...having Gerald McRaney of television's Major Dad in a movie humping someone is quite another. "
Trick or Treat: "So I was like 'Umm…are you threatening me, Trick or Treat? Are you fucking threatening ME in MY house? Because I will totally whale on you like you’ve never—' but then I stopped. Trick or Treat had started to cry softly."
The Final Girl Hall of Infamy: "He looks like Gene Shalit!"
Kingdom of the Spiders: "I thought it was a nice unexpected twist when the hot entomologist finds a spider in a drawer and, instead of shrieking, calmly picks it up and puts it outside...then again, she was an entomologist, so I guess she wouldn't flip out because she saw a spider. Never mind."
Hellraiser: Deader: "I mean, tacking Jason Voorhees into the last fifteen minutes of The Trip to Bountiful and changing the title to Jason vs Gramma doesn’t properly make it Friday the 13th Part 18, you know?
On the other hand, it would make it a film I’d very much like to see."
Frogs: "To prove once and for all that there no dignity in death nor in the late career of an aged Hollywood actor, we're treated to a shot of frogs climbing all over Ray Milland's ass."
Hitcher II: "Hitcher II is pretty much the same as The Hitcher, except instead of Rutger Hauer as the psycho bad guy hitchhiker, this time around it's Jake Busey as the psycho bad guy hitchhiker. To me, this is the equivalent of going to a strip club once and seeing Angelina Jolie do a routine and then you return the following week and you see the same routine but it's performed by the mom from Growing Pains. She’s lovely and all, but the effect isn’t quite the same, now is it?"
And so on and so on. I'm gonna keep on keepin' on, because shucks, I really do love this stupid blog.
I just want to say thanks to everyone who reads this site, everyone who's commented or dropped me a line, everyone who's linked to me, and everyone who's sent me money and prezzies***. Thanks to the community of film bloggers for putting out such kick-ass content that continues to inspire me.
Yay, Final Girl! Yay, 500 posts!
But enough about me...what do YOU think about me?
Oh, that Charles Nelson Reilly. Always keepin' it real!
________________________________
* no one ever asks me
** I have never actually played Cooking Mama, but I think we can all agree that it's the best videogame name ever.
***no one has ever sent me money or prezzies! What the eff?
500th POST!
You're damn right it is, Charles Nelson Reilly. As the kids today might say, OMG! My Two-Year Anniversary Spectacular was decidedly less than spectacular, so I figured I'd take the opportunity presented by this milestone post to embark upon a little journey down memory lane. Grab a beer or a fruit smoothie and feel free to join me as I reminisce, and be sure to add some sweet, sweet reminiscin's of your own.People ask me all the time*, "Stacie how in the world did Final Girl ever get its start? Did the idea come to you in a fever dream? Did you see the words "START A HORROR BLOG" spelled out in a tortilla? It's hard to believe that such a blog didn't simply fall from the heavens in a rainbow shower of sparkles, but please, tell me- I must know! "
At that point in the conversation, the inquiring mind is usually on the ground clutching at the hem of my beautiful velvet robes. I free myself, insult them somehow in a clipped British accent- I tend to use some variation on the old "unwashed masses" line- and then I get back to playing video games. Yes, in beautiful velvet robes- sitting on one's couch playing Cooking Mama** is not an excuse for unglamourousness.
Anyway, as in most things in life, the primordial ooze from whence Final Girl eventually crawled was, of all things, a comic book message board. Yes, I hung from time to time out on a comic message board...in my capacity as a "comic book inker", it was all but essential to my work. One fateful afternoon, I noticed that one of my cyberpals was displaying a link to something called Dark, But Shining. I followed the link only to discover that my cyberpal had co-founded this...website- a blog, I think they call it?...about horror movies and stuff. I was intrigued, and I became a daily reader. Eventually I noticed that Dark, But Shining had links to other sites- other blogs where people were talking about horror movies and stuff. I was yet more intrigued! "Hmm," I thought. "Hmm. Hmm, indeed." Then I thought about something else, most likely about pizza or kittens.
After a few days of "Hmm"-ing, it came to me. Pointing my finger to the sky, I proclaimed loudly "Why yes! I, too, will start one of these so-called "horror" "blogs", for I, too, love horror movies and stuff! It will be remarkable and glorious...or at least, something to do!"
I studied what all the other bloggers were doing in order to come up with my niche, if you will- say, no one was writing about slasher films! I love 'em, so I figured I'd make 'em my 'thing'. Then it was onto a name, a process which set many of my brain cells on fire. I came up with an extremely short list of possibilities and settled on Final Girl. I think it's a pretty fucking rad name, although the runner-up, Stacie Magorium's Macabre Emporium of Horror Films and Pizza, Though Not Necessarily Together! would have been swell also.
All that was left was actually publishing the damn blog, and on June 11, 2005 I did just that, jumping tentatively into the horror blog community. Though today it seems as if everyone and their mother (and perhaps even their mother's mother and her favorite afghan) are blogging about horror, it was a small circle way back when, consisting primarily of Dark, But Shining, Warrenzone, The Groovy Age of Horror, M Valdemar, Mystery of the Haunted Vampire, and Corpse Eaters; to the best of my knowledge, I may have been the only female horror blogger at the time, although I know not the secrets of my peers. Some of these blogs have gone off to that big server in the sky, whilst others have changed throughout the years- Warrenzone is now forever trapped in 150 Days of Sodom (ouch!), whilst Curt and Co. have gone Beyond the Groovy Age.
This picture has nothing to do with anything, and it's only here to break up all the text. Oh, how I've gone on!My early posts were pretty bad- not so bad that I want to delete them, but certainly bad enough that I cringe a little and think about re-writing them. What amazed me, though- and still does, truth be told- is that people were reading my crap and commenting on it. People I didn't even know! It's quite remarkable and it's one of the things I love about writing in a blog format...I really dig the interactivity of the whole process, even when you're being a jerk- or is that especially when you're being a jerk? But seriously, Final Girl has changed my life- yes, changed my life- in ways you wouldn't believe. I've made some very, very dear friends all because of this little site, and I literally have Final Girl to thank for the direction my life has taken. I've got Major Nefarious Plans That Have Yet to be Revealed, but it's nothing like what I expected when I clicked "select your template!" a couple of years ago. Altogether now...
AWWW!Okay, enough of the mush...let's get down to brass tacks here. You there! Take my hand and let's remember together!
I love to swear. It's true. Now, I'm not one of those people who blurt out "fuck" every other word...oh my, no. Though I may completely wrong, I like to think that I swear creatively and use blue language for emphasis and the such. It's in my blood- really, you should hear my grandmother...she'd make a sailor explode in flames from the blushin'. I agonized for approximately 15 seconds as to whether or not to use foul language here at FG, but I came to a decision on this blog's second day, wherein I discussed The Ring and how it made me realize ghosts could be scary: "That image of ghosts- that just has every hooker has a heart of gold, every ghost has a heart like Casper- was shattered when the weird kid in The Ring turned to Naomi Watts and said, "You didn't help her, did you?" What the fuck?! Samara was pure evil? Oh. Oh, no. That's not playing by the rules. That's not cool at all."
I love stunts. My first event occurred rather early on in Final Girl's lifespan: SHOCKtober! I noticed that all the other horror bloggers were doing something special during the month of October, and I so desperately wanted to be a cool kid that I figured I should do something special as well. What's that? Why yes, I'd love to jump off the Brooklyn Bridge!
I had two marathons during that inaugural SHOCKtober: I watched all of the Friday the 13th films in one sitting, and a week later or so later I did the same with the Halloween films. A few highlights:
"My God, I lost an entire day of my life to the Friday the 13th films."
"You've gotta be fucking kidding me."
"My eyes were filled with tears of hatred and anger, and they burned...they burrrrrrned...."
"No no no no no no no no no. No no no nonononononononoNO! NO!"
I'm kinda surprised I'm still around to talk about it.
My love for events could not be restrained, however, and I soon began exploring the mysterious realm known as "not October". I've had Supernatural '70s Week, Ghost Week, Children Hate You Week, Animals Run Amok Week (twice, even!), Hello, Dolly! Week, and of course, Amicus Week. Actually, I used my first theme week (Supernatural '70s) as an excuse to talk about something besides slasher films. Though my focus remains on that subgenre, I think it's okay to branch out a little, right? RIGHT?! Tell me you still love me! It's obvious, looking back, that the word "week" means nothing to me; some "weeks" are only a couple of days, while others reach the double digits. The lesson here is, I cannot be restrained by society's meanings and definitions. Don't tread on me!
I love stunts...and you! In an attempt to meld my love of the themes and my love of the FG commenters, I began the Final Girl Film Club.
Okay, I say it was attempt to meld my love of the themes and my love of the FG commenters, but we all know it's really a small part of my ongoing bid for world domination...today, I make people watch horror movies...tomorrow, I will rule the universe! If there's one thing we all know by now, it's that I'm a power monger.
Anyway, the first Film Club post wasn't really a Film Club post at all- I synched up for a flick with my pal Brennon...err, John Barleycorn...of Look Back in Anger. We both watched Strange Behavior and wrote about it on the same day, with hilarious results ensuing...as well as the idea to do it again, with more people:
I really dig this concept of synchronized reviews of movies we've not seen before, and if anyone else out there wants to join in the fun, just drop me a line. GASP! I'll call it The Final Girl Film Club! Yeah! I'll be like Oprah and her Book Club! Except, of course, I'll be cooler than she is because...again, well, who isn't. I'll be sadder, though, because I'm not a powerful billionaire who knows the cast of Friends.Begin a Film Club I did on April 2, 2006, selecting Bloody Murder...a real stinker, to put it kindly.
In other news, I loathe that show Friends.
I must say, though, after sitting through it and ruminating upon it, I could really only think of 5 things that were really wrong with it:We Film Clubbers have chugged our way through 12 selections, and there's no end in sight. The universe is within my grasp!
1. The plot
2. The dialogue
3. The acting
4. The directing
5. The fact that it was a horror movie, yet it was never, ever even a little bit scary
I love the funny. Sometimes, I write some funny stuff. I think this stuff is funny:
Night of Bloody Horror: "Having Gerald McRaney of television's Major Dad in a movie is one thing...having Gerald McRaney of television's Major Dad in a movie humping someone is quite another. "
Trick or Treat: "So I was like 'Umm…are you threatening me, Trick or Treat? Are you fucking threatening ME in MY house? Because I will totally whale on you like you’ve never—' but then I stopped. Trick or Treat had started to cry softly."
The Final Girl Hall of Infamy: "He looks like Gene Shalit!"
Kingdom of the Spiders: "I thought it was a nice unexpected twist when the hot entomologist finds a spider in a drawer and, instead of shrieking, calmly picks it up and puts it outside...then again, she was an entomologist, so I guess she wouldn't flip out because she saw a spider. Never mind."
Hellraiser: Deader: "I mean, tacking Jason Voorhees into the last fifteen minutes of The Trip to Bountiful and changing the title to Jason vs Gramma doesn’t properly make it Friday the 13th Part 18, you know?
On the other hand, it would make it a film I’d very much like to see."
Frogs: "To prove once and for all that there no dignity in death nor in the late career of an aged Hollywood actor, we're treated to a shot of frogs climbing all over Ray Milland's ass."
Hitcher II: "Hitcher II is pretty much the same as The Hitcher, except instead of Rutger Hauer as the psycho bad guy hitchhiker, this time around it's Jake Busey as the psycho bad guy hitchhiker. To me, this is the equivalent of going to a strip club once and seeing Angelina Jolie do a routine and then you return the following week and you see the same routine but it's performed by the mom from Growing Pains. She’s lovely and all, but the effect isn’t quite the same, now is it?"
And so on and so on. I'm gonna keep on keepin' on, because shucks, I really do love this stupid blog.
I just want to say thanks to everyone who reads this site, everyone who's commented or dropped me a line, everyone who's linked to me, and everyone who's sent me money and prezzies***. Thanks to the community of film bloggers for putting out such kick-ass content that continues to inspire me.
Yay, Final Girl! Yay, 500 posts!
But enough about me...what do YOU think about me?
Oh, that Charles Nelson Reilly. Always keepin' it real!________________________________
* no one ever asks me
** I have never actually played Cooking Mama, but I think we can all agree that it's the best videogame name ever.
***no one has ever sent me money or prezzies! What the eff?
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