The Nightmare-ening Day 4: THE DREAM MASTER (1988)

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Well, here we are. The Nightmare on Elm Street series has officially turned into the Goosebumps series, but full of dated pop culture references and rap songs about Freddy Krueger by The Fat Boys. Why did this happen? How did this happen? Is this the Nightmare we want? Is it the one we deserve? Yeesh. YEESH I SAY.

While I say yeesh, however, I will also say that The Dream Master is not a terrible way to extend the series, if, you know, the series really needed to be extended. It picks up not too long after the events of Dream Warriors with our three plucky survivors having returned to the hell of high school. Kincaid is still ornery, Patricia Arquette is nowhere to be seen and so we are stuck with a Designer Imposter Kristen, and Joey has somehow morphed into Neve Campbell.

Despite the "Get over it, girl!"s from her pals, Kristen is unconvinced that Freddy Krueger is well and truly dead. Of course he's not dead! We have like five more movies to get through!

Freddy wastes no time in wasting these last three Elm Street children (Kincaid may have demolished horror stereotypes by surviving until the end of NoES 3, but he builds them right back up by dying first in NoES 4), but before she dies, Kristen manages to give her special dream powers to her mousy pal Alice. Freddy then uses Alice as a sort of gateway to lure any ol' kid into dreamland where he can kill them. Both he and Alice absorb a part of the kids' souls; who oh who will be the Dream Master? Will the souls remain in the purgatory of...umm...Freddy's bare chest, or will they be set free?

See? Not bad! Not bad at all! It's kind of sweet, when you think about it, that Alice gains strength by essentially remembering and paying tribute to her dead friends. Even if no one is actually affected much by the death of loved ones in this movie...hey, that's a series staple! We've also got some other Elm Street series staples such as the clueless, alcoholic, mentally abusive parents and the cast chock full of mismatched misfits that are somehow charming enough that you find yourself rooting for them. I mean, who doesn't adore the weird friendship between bad girl/fitness nut Debbie and super nerdy Sheila? Only jerks, that's who.

I'm not going to be some big lying liar and say that my nostalgia senses didn't tingle when any 80s "cool" stuff showed up on the screen, like when Alice gets tough by wrapping a studded belt around her boot and a Japanese "Rising Sun" bandana around her hand. I heartily cringe-smiled, I swear! But as opposed to Dream Warriors, the corniness of The Dream Master doesn't feel like corniness I can completely get on board with. It's somewhat akin to looking at old pictures of yourself: some of them you want to share, and some of them give you a jolt of "I know I liked that at the time but what the hell was I thinking?" Basically, I can live with a dream warrior blasting green movie lightning from his fingers, but I don't particularly want to live with a dream master seeing her brother turned into a meatball on a pizza. And you guys know how I feel about pizza, so that's really saying something.

The Nightmare-ening Day 3: DREAM WARRIORS (1987)

Man oh man. I wrote about A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors waaaaay back during Final Girl's formative days as an early entry in the "I Heart..." series. I was curious to find out if my feelings had changed in the near-decade-long (!!) interim. Guess what? Boy, they sure have changed.

I heart it even more now! How is this possible, how can I hold so much love? I don't even question whether or not this movie deserves such adoration because obviously it does...and if you don't believe me, I present you with these two pieces of evidence to prove my case:

Taryn's "beautiful...and bad" look and the stop-motion skeleton doing its little victory cheer. That's all it takes for this film to earn a Lifetime Achievement Oscar if you ask me. And since you're reading this, you kind of did ask, so.

This is the Nightmare on Elm Street for me. I was just the right age to totally buy into it, to totally identify with all the misfits who had to deal with adults who just don't get it, to totally find Nancy dying in Kristen's arms and getting dreamed into a beautiful dream to be a 100% higher tragedy than a million Sophie's Choices. (Between this and Deadly Friend, wow, that Wes Craven sure liked to toy with my volatile teen emotions!)

Dream Warriors is just so quintessentially 80s, anyone who has the slightest bit of fondness for horror from that era is going to find a lot to love: Jennifer Rubin, sparkle shower ghosts, a very special theme song, Craig Wasson, this kid whom you always think is another Jacoby sibling even though he never is:

For fuck's sake, it's called "Dream Warriors"! Not-Jacoby shoots friggin' green movie lightning out of his fingers! How much more 80s horror can you get?

Look, just because I love this movie doesn't mean I don't recognize its faults, the most egregious of which is that since her days on Elm Street, Nancy Thompson has taken to living her life as the world's dowdiest 21-year-old.

I admit, however, that her funeral attire smacks of Joan Collins on Dynasty and as such I enthusiastically approve of it.

Okay, actually the biggest sin of Dream Warriors is probably that it's the beginning of the end of Freddy Krueger as a horror villain remotely resembling anything scary. In fact, this is the moment where he changes from nightmare killer into "wiseguy pop culture icon":

He's just killed Zsa Zsa Gabor and then he turns into a TV and I repeat he turns into a TV and then he has a one-liner: "Welcome to primetime, bitch!" It's stupid and I dig it because it's stupid–and yes, I savor the absolute fucking weirdness of cameos by Zsa Zsa and Dick Cavett–but it signifies the End Times for A Nightmare on Elm Street, my friends.

For its place in the series and the genre at large, though, it's a notable film. Breaking the standard slasher mold, several characters manage to survive...including the black guy, can you believe it? And we get some maybe needed-maybe not needed history into who exactly Fred Krueger was when it's revealed that he's the "bastard son of 100 maniacs." If only he'd been the bastard son of 10,000 Maniacs, then he would have lived a life singing earnest, politically-minded kinda folkish music instead of a life full of child murderin'. Alas!

Listen, if Final Girl is still around in another decade then I solemnly swear to take yet another look at A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors. Who knows, maybe by then I'll somehow be able to heart it even a little bit more!

P.S. how come no one ever talks about this teardrop that Joey has on his face in one scene

The Nightmare-ening Day 2: FREDDY'S REVENGE (1985)

A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge is a fascinating film. I mean, a sequel to the wildly successful first Nightmare was no doubt a given. But who could ever have predicted that...this would be the direction they'd take the series in the second film? In other series, the crazy ideas are held onto for a bit: Halloween III, for example, or Jason Goes to Hell. One would expect that Nightmare 2 would feature, you know, something rote, just more nightmares and more dead teens. We get nightmares and dead teens, sure, but Freddy's Revenge takes the entire rule set established by its predecessor and tosses it in the furnace. So brash!

A new family has moved into the Thompson home on Elm Street and it's not long before teenage son Jesse (Mark Patton) is experiencing lots of topless, sweat-inducing nightmares.

Freddy doesn't want to kill Jesse, however–rather, he wants Jesse to kill for him. Via some sort of possession. I guess so that Freddy can cross over from nightmares to the waking world? He's just sort of around in this one, terrorizing teens and the like, some sort of supernatural being made flesh. And The Old Thompson Place is kind of haunted? It's all a bit jumbled and nonsensical and unexplained and as I said, it throws out virtually all the rules from Part One. But let's face it: anyone who's seen Freddy's Revenge knows that all of that is secondary to the most engrossing thing about it, and that's holy shit this movie is so gay.

I'm far from the first person to acknowledge this, but it's sort of impossible to discuss the film without talking about it as an allegory about a young man figuring out that he likes other young men. It's so full of subtext that it's basically just text. It wouldn't be wrong to call it Tom of Finland's Revenge, you know?

"He's inside me and he wants to take me again!"

I mean, where to start? There's the way Freddy tenderly strokes Jesse's face as he tells him how much he needs him. You know. For killing.

There's Jesse's weird relationship with Grady–they antagonize each other in gym class until finally Grady pulls Jesse's pants down and they tussle on the ground...and they spend a lot of time together doing push ups. You know. As punishment.

Jesse has more chemistry with Grady than he does with his ostensible girlfriend Lisa. While he keeps Lisa at arm's length, Grady is the one he turns to when he really needs to talk. (There's a kind of heartbreaking moment in a scene in the school cafeteria where Grady essentially asks Jesse out–just to a movie to, like, get Jesse's mind off his troubles–and it's promptly lost in the chatter as Lisa and her friend arrive at the table.) The most telling, of course, occurs during the pool party late in the film. Jesse and Lisa are finally, maybe going to do it...but Freddy interferes so Jesse freaks out and flees. He flees straight to Grady's bedroom and they have this exchange:

"Something is trying to get inside my body!"

"Yeah, she's female and she's waiting for you at the cabana...and you wanna sleep with me."

I mean, is it so crazy to read this all as super gay? Have straight teenage boys ever really into Limahl and Tina Turner?

This is just the tip of the big gay iceberg, y'all! There's also Jesse really subtly getting...attacked? confronted by?...a snake that coils up from between his legs.

There's the sole board game that Jesse owns, the one he keeps in the closet, natch:

There's Jesse waking or maybe still sleeping but either way, he finds his lamp or whatever that is all melted and looking like a dripping phallus. Next to (and onto) a copy of On the Road.

And then there's the boys' gym teacher, Schneider, the one who's rumored to be into "queer S&M stuff." The one who really is into queer S&M stuff, as Jesse finds out when his nocturnal wanderings lead him to the local bar for gays and weirdos. Ol' teach is sporting a leather vest (of course) and takes Jesse back to the school to take a shower...and of course the teacher dies, but not before he's assaulted by balls and jock straps thrown in his face. And not before he's stripped naked, tied up in the shower, and whipped with a towel.

While a couple of nameless males are quickly killed at the pool party, the only characters of substance that are killed throughout the film are Grady and Schneider. If this is the tale of Jesse figuring out his sexual identity, it's rather significant that he murders only the person he loves but isn't "supposed" to and the "pervert" he doesn't want to be.

At the film's end, Jesse is "saved" by choosing heterosexuality. Lisa's declarations of love literally defeat Freddy, the man who's been trying to take Jesse away from her, the man trying to lure Jesse to the dark side. But this is a horror film, so this is quickly followed by a Horror Movie Coda™ that shows the nightmare isn't over. The allegory extends right up through this ending: Jesse's battle still rages within him because you can't just choose a sexuality and live a life that goes against who you are. I mean, you could, but it's a super bad idea. Just look what happened to those kids at the pool party!

Speaking of the pool party, this nameless, dialogue-less girl with the hair rules so hard.

Other stray thoughts:

I love love love that Grady has posted a sign to make it clear that NO NERDS are allowed in his room.

I also love love love that in this film, Nancy has become something of an urban legend, the girl who saw her boyfriend get murdered, was locked in her house by her mother, and went crazy. I want an alternate version of Freddy's Revenge where Jesse has to find Nancy to learn what she knows and Nancy lives in a big, creepy house and everyone's afraid of her but she's just an ass-kicker who doesn't have time for your shit. Basically she's like Christine in The Convent.

Finally, while it has no bearing on anything beyond being a complete and total clusterfuck of an eyesore, I thought you guys might enjoy the absolutely hideous menu screen of my DVD, as it's quite possibly the worst one I've ever seen. You're welcome!

The Nightmare-ening Day 1: A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET (1984)

When I was but a wee bonny lass, the internet was more than six months away from being born. Therefore, movie fans such as I had to glean information from a variety of sources–dusty old books at the library or, say, the ramblings of Dana Hersey on WSBK TV 38 Boston's The Movie Loft. Much of my knowledge and know-how about horror movies came, of course, courtesy of the pages of Fangoria and Famous Monsters of Filmland. But not A Nightmare on Elm Street, no sir or ma'am or both or neither! I did not know of Nightmare until I read about it in the pages of...16 Magazine. When it was mentioned in an article about the Cosby kids. Two of them–Theo and maybe Vanessa?–called A Nightmare on Elm Street their favorite movie, and I thought to myself, "Hmm, that sounds like a horror movie!" (I was a very bright child, you see.) I loved horror movies and hey, if it was a Cosby kid fave it had to be good. Eventually Nightmare made its way to my town and Freddy Krueger made his way to all the magazines and that was that. None of this has any bearing on anything beyond being a bizarre personal anecdote, but I felt like sharing. Don't you feel much closer now?

Anyway, my relationship with Nightmare has been a bit...tempestuous. Let's put it this way: if all the slasher movies were my children, Nightmare would be the middle child I constantly forget about (people with kids forget about their kids, right?). Halloween would be the eldest one, the one I paid the most attention to because I wasn't so tired all the time. Friday the 13th would be the young brat acting up on the regular with stupid sequel after stupid sequel, crying out for notice. While I'd get irritated with it, I'd also be won over by its antics. Meanwhile, there'd sit Nightmare, all but ignored, wondering what it did that was so wrong and why its siblings got all the love. It's not like the film isn't full of some of horror's most indelible images:

That last one is so Messiah of Evil, isn't it? I mean:

Anyway. It's got some solid scares, terrific set pieces, a plucky, smart, brave Final Girl...it does so much right that I should love this film. Somehow, however, the parts never quite gel into something I'm ever flipping my wig over. Despite the Cosby kid endorsement, despite my seeing it for the first time when I was an easily-impressed and impressionable yoot, A Nightmare on Elm Street ultimately leaves me feeling a bit cold. It's good, I like it, but I don't love it. (A big reason for this in my most recent viewings is that score. I hate it. It's overbearing and hokey and not scary and it doesn't establish the right mood and it's super irritating to my earholes.)

And yet! There is so much about this movie I do love with all of my heart:

• Tina's death scene! The dream that leads up to it is truly a nightmare, and when Tina is finally killed it's unexpected, brutal, bloody, and just plain fucked up. Kind of the high point for me–likely of the whole series...and it's about 18 minutes in.
• Though none of the actors come across so young, they're supposed to be 15-16. The series is much darker than it seems on the surface.
• It's a very lean film. There is nothing extraneous–no group traveling to the cabin in the woods, etc–within five minutes or so everyone is talking about the killer and there's only the pattern of dream-death-dream-try to kill Freddy. 
• Despite her cute boyfriend with his adorable Nike sweater vests and her group of pals, there's something decidedly Dawn Wiener about Nancy Thompson. 
• MARGE: Marge's bedhead. Marge-as-functioning-alcoholic. Marge lighting up a cigarette at the Sleep Institute. That time Marge combined all three of these things.

• MORE MARGE: The way she "hides" vodka bottles in places like...behind her back and under a towel. Then she pulls the bottles out and swigs from them openly anyway. I really wanted her to pull a bottle from a hollowed-out Bible at Rod's funeral.

• "He's dead, honey, because mommy killed him."
• Oh, also: Marge's lipliner.
• As a child does to underwear when he goes away to summer camp, Fred Krueger writes his name inside his hats.
• "I'm into survival."
• Everyone calling Nancy "crazy" or a "lunatic" whilst ignoring the fact that she walked into a bedroom covered in blood and found her best friend sliced to ribbons...and also the cops lay the dead body of Rod in her lap and she's only like 15, can't she handle it, why is Nancy acting so nutso?

See? There's so much about this movie I love. The nightmares are great–heck, for Glen and Rod we don't even experience the dreams, only the aftermath. Freddy is kept largely in the dark and he's treated nothing like a joke. It's a solid horror film, and absolutely a slasher classic. When I think about it, I adore it. When I watch it, I feel only okay about it. So what's holding me back? Why can't I be more like Theo Huxtable or maybe Vanessa? 

Also, if I'm like "Yeah, it's good but I don't love it" about the first movie, what does that portend for the rest of The Nightmare-ening? I'd better make some coffee.

Y'all better get some sleep this weekend...

...'cause there ain't gonna be no sleepin' next week, for it'll be THE NIGHTMARE-ENING around these parts!

if you only knew how long it took me to make this...

That's right, I'll be going through/watching/talking about every film in the Nightmare on Elm Street series–well, most of them. New Nightmare happened recently enough that I won't be revisiting it. But everything else? Sure! Well, maybe sure. I'm honestly still undecided about Freddy vs Jason because I hated it so much. But that was 73 years ago, so maybe my feelings have changed? We'll see. One cannot plan that far ahead when one lives a life as reckless as mine. But I swear, all the other films! There are some I haven't seen, even! Very exciting. I hope you'll be around–just don't. Fall. Asleep.

Speaking of actors...

...I recently watched this Hollywood Reporter Actress Roundtable and Tribute to Diversity in Cinema (ha ha just kidding, they're all super white!) and while an hour is a big commitment, I would sincerely like to draw your attention to one thing. Begin at 23:07 for context; the one thing happens about 25 seconds later.


Yes, I saw that and then I died, and I am now blogging from beyond the grave.

For those of you unable to watch, here's the lowdown: the interviewer asks Kate Winslet if there's anything she would never do as an actress. She replies that she wouldn't do a film that features violence against children, nor does she think she would ever do a horror film...

...to which Cate Blanchett (TRUE QUEEN) replies, very seriously and earnestly, "Oh, I love horror films. I love them."

She talks a bit about horror that feels too gratuitous or exploitative (particularly in regards to violence against women) and pointless, but I love that she's talking about them seriously at all. She loves horror films, you guys. How many A listers–particularly actresses–would even acknowledge the genre, never mind admitting to indulging in it? The reaction to her statement at the table is bafflement, it's so great.

Someone needs to give her a juicy horror script right this second. A del Toro joint? Something from Peter Strickland maybe? A re-team with Sam Raimi? Ooh, maybe she can reprise her role as Carol except now Carol is a Carmilla. Did any of you win that big lottery yesterday? Fund this shit, please!

Always a slasher bridesmaid...

Over yonder at My New Plaid Pants, our pal Jason wrote a piece today lauding the oft-unlauded 1981 slasher flick Just Before Dawn, and you know what? He's right in his a-laudin', and Jason's done got me fixin' to give it another watch. I'd been thinking about it recently along with a few other films that are essentially the bridesmaids or second stringers of the slasher genre. Let's face it, "slasher" conjures up images of Jason Voorhees and Freddy Krueger and Michael Myers and Leatherface, right? Maybe a few others have worked their way into the major leagues–dudes like Harry Warden of My Bloody Valentine. But there's a whole tier of films that have never quite achieved the status afforded to the Fridays and the Halloweens even though...hey, some of them deserve it. Like Just Before Dawn!

I mean look at these guys

Maybe it's because they never spawned a zillion sequels, or maybe the killers were unnamed or not as "compelling" as the icons. Maybe they weren't gory enough, or they misfired just a tad. Who knows why they're neglected in the big picture! What I do know, however, is that I'd pit House on Sorority Row, Hell Night, He Knows You're Alone, and April Fools Day against any number of the Halloween, Friday, or Nightmare sequels and they'd be better, more interesting films. Sure, you can feel differently if you want to be wrong about things, go ahead! That's not my business. But it is my business (and part of my community service requirements) to give these second stringers some respect, goldurnit. They deserve their moments in the sun, so watch a slasher bridesmaid today!

Masterpiece Theatre...of, Like, Blood and Whatever

So listen, to be honest with you guys I have not watched a lot of horror lately. The things I am anxious to see have not made their way to my orbit yet (hey The Witch will you hurry up and get in my face, please please??) and everything that is currently in my orbit seems dull. Thus, I have been indulging hardcore in my other lifelong cinematic obsession, actresses acting the shit out of stuff. I could talk about these movies here–you know, write a million words about every frame and moment of Carol, or maybe a piece praising Marion Cotillard's posture throughout Two Days, One Night–but horror is Final Girl's wheelhouse and so I simply bother everyone around me with these other thoughts. The world is either richer or poorer for it, I am sure.

Anyway, this all got me thinking–what are some of the great performances in horror? What actors and actresses fucking kill it and make you grateful that cinema exists? It doesn't have to be a lead character, or any performer you've ever heard of. It can just be a single, small moment that rings perfectly true and leaves you breathless. Some of my favorites:

- Sissy Spacek in Carrie, obviously, heartbreaking even when she's terrifying
- Donald Sutherland wailing as he holds the lifeless body of his young daughter in Don't Look Now
- Essie Davis in The Babadook, a performance which would have been nominated for an Academy Award if the world were just. The movie isn't "the scariest thing you've ever seen" as the marketing promised, but it is an astonishingly honest depiction of depression and grief with some horror thrown in.

- Veronica Cartwright losing her shit in Alien
- All of Martyrs, of course, but the moment where Lucie stands on the bed and fires her shotgun at the daughter hiding underneath...it's such a fleeting moment, but Juliette Gosselin's reaction is pure, unadulterated fear–something that horror calls for so often and is so hard for actors to truly deliver.

I have some more in mind but I want to hear from you! What and who are your faves? And don't everybody say Lynda Day George in Pieces, we all know that flawless performance can't be touched.

Horror Without People: GOODNIGHT MOMMY

Although I'd rank Goodnight Mommy amongst the best horror films of 2015, I'm still sussing out my thoughts and feelings about it. Damn that last 20 minutes or so–damn them I say! Unpleasant, they were, but not in a "Hey moron, this is a horror movie, don't get upset that you're uncomfortable" way, but rather in a "Oh, this is where we're going?" way. Nearly everything that preceded the third act was so intriguing that when things took a particularly nasty turn into Modern Horror Movie™ territory, it killed my boner a bit.

Regardless of that or my other minor quibbles, however, I was–and remain–enamored with the feel of it. It's very much about whatever good or evil lurks under the everyday façade; obviously this is the entirety of the film's "Is this bandaged woman our mommy or not?" premise but the theme goes further than that, seeping into nearly every deliciously uncanny frame. This beautiful family in a beautiful house nestled amongst beautiful fields and waters–why does it all come across so creepy? What are they all hiding, what are they really thinking, what the hell is going on? The abnormal looks normal approach is nothing new, particularly in horror cinema ("Within, walls continued upright, bricks met neatly, floors were firm, and doors were sensibly shut..."), but that doesn't mean I'm not gonna eat up fine filmmaking when I see it, you know?

face off!

It's Christina (Diabolique, 1955) vs Eleanor (The Haunting, 1963) in the terrified frail heroine runs down a darkened hallway in her nightgown battle for my heart!

The Quizzening!

So you've seen some horror movies and now you think you're all big. Well, it's time to test your knowledge of the genre in the form of...A TEST. No Googling the answers!

1. Michael Myers is known as “The Shape”, but what was he originally called?

- The Pile

- The Thing

- The Ennui

- The Loaf

2. What is the title of Sergio Martino’s most famous giallo film?

- A Scream in a Velvet Mouth

- The Seven Deaths of Lucinda

- Hold This Knife While I Murder You

- Dancing with a Thousand Eyeballs at Midnight

3. Which film belongs in the 80s workout horror genre alongside Death Spa and Killer Workout?

- Murder Gym

- Fitness Murder

- Stretch, Sweat, Kill!

- Stretch, Sweat, Die!

4. Which horror icon faced off against Freddy Krueger in the 2003 film Freddy vs. Jason?

- Pumpkinhead

- Chucky

- Mrs Voorhees

- Mrs Garrett

5. In Psycho, Norman Bates famously dresses as his own ________

- motel

- crippling insecurity

- hair

- private Idaho

6. Choose the famous horror movie tagline:

- If this movie doesn’t make your skin crawl…you don’t have any skin!

- Who will survive and will they give me a ride to the airport?

- Abby doesn’t need a man anymore. She’s going to Lilith Fair!

- When there’s no more room in Hell, build more Hell, duh

7. Pinhead is the most famous of Hellraiser’s Cenobites. Who is the least famous?

- Chompy

- Axeface

- Fallopia

- Greg

Circle your answers and submit them via haunted videotape.

SLASHERS 101 for you!

This comic is no longer available! It may return from the dead at some point...but will it be the same?? Regardless, I will surely announce any updates and also update this update should the time come. Thanks pals.

Hello! To celebrate...something...I don't know, to celebrate whatever you feel like celebrating today, I've made my mini-comic Slashers 101 available for download. It's free! So if you want to learn something about slasher movies, or if you want the opportunity to say "I knew all that already, I didn't learn shit!" then knock yourself out. Here's that link again, woo!

...and that's a wrap!

Wow, another SHOCKtober is but a not-so-distant memory. It is hard to say goodbye, but undoubtedly we will all look back on this past month with a tearful twinkle in our eyes forever and ever! Dizzying highs, depressing lows, creamy middles...it was a month that constantly gave us, you know, something.

Have the hidden gems I discovered allowed me to exorcise my Netflix prejudices? Will I no longer give movies a cold shoulder because of crappy computer cover art and/or low ratings from Netflix's moronic rating system? Maybe, but probably not! I would like to say yes for sure, but I feel those doubts wiggling around in the back of my brainstem. There are just too many movies out there to watch, and for me to give one a go when it looks like garbage...I need some word of mouth or something, you know? SHOCKtober has been great because I've been forced to watch things–I can't tell you how many times this month I gave a hefty sigh before clicking play–but I know myself too well to think the "hey, that wasn't bad!" movies will radically influence my future behavior, even if it should.

Overall, I'd say there were more treats than craps, which is always good. There were very few instances where I just wanted to kill myself because the movie was so bad. In fact, I'd call the month a large success. Hooray! Just to be sure, I'm gonna break it all down by ratings right now.

PUTTING A COPY IN MY PANTS

Starry Eyes
All Cheerleaders Die
The Strange Color of Your Body's Tears
Berberian Sound Studio
We Are What We Are
Housebound

I SURE LIKE YOU A LOT

Wes Craven's New Nightmare
Asmodexia
[REC] 3
The Vampire's Coffin
Jug Face (so close to putting this one in my pants, I can't quite decide honestly)
The Canal
Zombeavers (it's terrible and not even good terrible, it's unexplainable)
Hell

MEHHHH

The Omen III: The Final Conflict
A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night (this one hurts)
Darkness
[REC] 4
Dead Snow
Beneath

NO

Maniac (I am so in the minority on this one, I can't believe it, it makes me question everything ever)
Stonehearst Asylum
Infini
Dead Within

GO FUCK YOURSELF

ATM
Baby Blues
Devil Seed
V/H/S 2


Wow, hmm, it's actually fairly evenly divided! That's unexpected. The good stuff is so good that the not so good stuff is already fading away. Good job, brain! And honestly, if sitting through some trash was the price I had to pay to finally watch the month's two big winners, then so be it. I am still thinking about We Are What We Are and Berberian Sound Studio and they've been added to my ongoing faves list for sure. (And to everyone who recommended The Duke of Burgundy after my praise of Berberian...bless. I watched it last night and I'm in love.) SHOCKtober rules! Thanks for tuning in, y'all, it's been grand!

Except for Devil Seed, that was terrible.