Juliette Cummins Week Day 5: PSYCHO III

I know I said that Psycho II didn't need to be made, but if that's true then boy, Psycho III (1986) really really super didn't need to be made. And yet, like its predecessor, the third film in the saga of Norman Bates is better than it has any right to be, and certainly it's far better than you'd expect. It's a supremely enjoyable effort, sprinkled with both disturbing violence and the blackest of humor, but studio mandates forced Norman and his mama into the slasher paradigm; the film is marred by nonsensical murders and a silly ending that primes the pump for yet another sequel. Nowadays, the film has found a bit of a cult following- or maybe horror fans finally reached that "you know, it's not that bad..." point after years of crappy PG-13 flicks- but at the time of its release it was a critical and commercial flop. I guess it's true what they say- there is no God!

The story is simple- that Norman simply ain't as rehabbed as everyone thought he was- but it's the characters that check into Bates Motel this time around that give the film life. There's suicidal nun Maureen (Diana Scarwid), wayward wannabe-musician-cum-motel-employee Duke (Jeff Fahey, at his most unhinged), good-time girl Red (Juliette Cummins, at her most memorable)...heck, there's even actress/director Katt Shea, who gets killed on a toilet and stuffed into an ice chest. Psycho III just does not give a shit, it does what it wants!

I mean, if there's any doubt that this movie plays by its own insane rules, you need look no further than what's got to be one of the most bizarre "sex" scenes ever, where Red kind of pretends to burn herself with a cigarette and Duke does...whatever it is he's doing. It's so great!

And let's talk about how pigged out and sexed up Duke's room was after he'd been there for, like, a day.

Star Anthony Perkins stepped behind the camera for Psycho III, showing a surprising amount of style and confidence for a first-time director. The film looks far better than plenty of its genre contemporaries thanks to Perkins's eye for detail and unique set pieces. Red's phone booth death springs immediately to mind, but there are smaller moments equally notable, such as the scene transition where the crack of light under a door becomes the glistening edge of a knife.

Though the script features a few too many callbacks to the original film (yes, Norman, we get it: the blood!), it does manage to retcon the retcon of Mother Bates that happened in Psycho II. And even though he's...well, a psycho who goes around killing people whenever he feels like it, you can't help but root for that Bates boy. Anybody who likes candy corn so much can't be all bad, right?

Juliette Cummins Week Day 4: DEADLY DREAMS

Jeezalou, the late 80s were a dark time for horror. Despite an unwillingness to let go on the part of a few franchises, the slasher cycle was well and truly over, and it would be decades before the genre regained some of its bite. With the exception of a bright spot here and there, it's as if the world was simply horror-ed out for a while, you know? And while I'd like to say that Deadly Dreams (1988) is some lost classic or undiscovered gem...sigh. It is not.

But it is the movie crammed with the most homoerotic subtext since A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge, so hooray, all is not lost!

The story begins on a magical Christmas Eve. While his father argues on the phone about someone named "Perkins", young Alex opens an early gift and is thrilled that he's received what every boy- nay, what every child- wants: a glass reindeer.

This idyllic celebration is interrupted by a knock at the door. Alex opens it to reveal Perkins himself, wearing a hunter's outfit and a wolf mask and brandishing a shotgun. He blows away Alex's mom and dad like something out of Martyrs lite! Like, really, really, really lite!

Perkins tells Alex to run, then takes potshots at him as the kid escapes, which is really not a nice thing to do, if you think about it. Right as he's about to blow Alex away...

...Alex wakes up! Phew, it was just a dream, and Alex (Mitchell Anderson) is now all grown up and safe and sound in his college apartment that he outfitted exclusively with items from the Pier 1 Imports clearance bin.

Yes yes, Alex is plagued by dreams of Perkins the hunter. Or is Perkins actually hunting him? Well, Perkins is long dead. But what if he isn't? But he is. But then he's over there! Oh wait, that was just a dream. But then there's Perkins! Oh, but that was a dream, too. And so on.

There is a lot- and by "a lot" I mean "a metric fuck ton" of this "oh, it was just a dream" shit throughout the movie. Sure, maybe the title might give it away...but geez, the pattern gets so boring after a while when you realize that no one is ever really in jeopardy. Or are they?

No one believes that the hunter from Alex's dreams is real- not his best friend Danny (Thom Babbes, who also wrote the script), an obnoxious, self-professed ladies' man who uses his pre-med schooling for access to prescription meds. Cops assume Alex is on drugs. His new girlfriend Maggie (Juliette Cummins) thinks he probably just needs more sleep. Older brother Jack (Xander Berkeley) thinks Alex needs to "man up", you know, and quit with these lofty dreams of being a writer. Instead, he advises Alex to invest the trust fund he's about to receive into the family business. I just love that Jack has furnished his office with one of those lightning balls from the Executive Collection at Spencer's Gifts.

But Perkins keeps showing up at the darndest times, in Alex's dreams and in his reality. What are dreams? What is reality? Damn, Deadly Dreams will mess with your head!

Well, I don't want to give too much away here, because there are some pretty decent and nasty twists throughout. Then again, Deadly Dreams isn't that great. It's more thriller than horror. it's never received a DVD release and it's fairly obscure even on VHS, so are you really gonna track it down to check it out? I guess you'll just have to live in suspense until you do!

At this point, you're probably thinking, "Okay, so where's all this gay you were talking about?" Hmm, where to begin.

Let's begin with Danny, who is immediately jealous of Maggie for no apparent reason. "What can you possibly see in her?" Danny whines at Alex, who gives some blah blah answer when he should have just said, you know, who wouldn't fall for a girl who can do this? It's Cynthia Rothrock meets Fame, fer cryin' out loud.

Danny and Alex snipe at each other like an old married couple, which culminates in Alex yelling "I jinx you, pig bitch!" during a game of pool. After taking a Polaroid of a sleeping, topless Alex (because, uh, he thought Maggie was there, too! Even though she's clearly not!), Danny hops in for a cuddle.

Later he tries to convince Alex to go hunting with him. As he enthusiastically cleans and brandishes his rifle, he begs Alex to come along since he clearly "needs a little release."

Then he aims the gun at Alex and talks about the way "you can feel this rush come over you!" But he's totally only talking about hunting. Yes. Hunting.

There's just so much more, even beyond that Mitchell Anderson (who actually is a big gay) spends most of the film shirtless for one reason or another. And I mean, come on...

That shirt! I'd say I'm reading too much into it but it's all pretty obvious if you watch the film. And anyway, subtext is the best (well, second best after...text...I guess), so tough!

It's too bad that Deadly Dreams is so GD lethargic, because there's a decent movie in there somewhere, and when the film's nasty side shows it's enjoyable (and I'm not just talking about that spinning bed sex scene) (you guys, there's a spinning bed sex scene). Unfortunately, it's buried beneath a big pile of too many dreams and it's not remotely "horror" enough.  Alex is a rather annoying leading man- when he's not yelling, he's whining- and you don't ever really care if Perkins is only in his mind or not. I will say, however, that he has my sympathies for continually being given shitty, shitty gifts, from the glass reindeer to the mounted deer head that Maggie buys him.

Most of all, it's good to finally see Juliette Cummins in a lead role instead of relegated to basically "Victim Number 4" status.

Is the payoff at the end of Deadly Dreams worth all the drowsy downtime it takes to get there? Probably not. Then again, what else are you gonna do with your life, hmm? Even sub-par 80sVHS horror is better than what you have in store, I'm sure.

Juliette Cummins Week Day 3: RUNNING HOT

Okay, so if you've seen Running Hot (1984) then you know it's not a horror film. But hey, it's the kind of sleazy exploitation flick that would have (and probably did) fit right in on USA's Up All Night, and therefore it fits right in my heart. If you are too young to have indulged in Up All Night back in the day, I'm sorry. Things really were better in Olden Times.


The short of Running Hot is this: 17-year-old Danny (Eric Stoltz) has been convicted and sentenced to death for the murder of his father. He escapes police custody and goes on the run with Charlene (Monica Carrico), a 30-year-old prostitute. They head for Arizona, hoping to avoid the cops and to get to Danny's little sister Jenny (Juliette Cummins).

That sounds entertaining enough, I know. But y'all, it's the long of Running Hot that makes it so amazing and wonderful and will make you want to be its best friend.

We need to start with Charlene, our hooker with a heart of gold. She falls in love with Danny after she sees him on television because a) he reminds her of a boyfriend she had a long time ago, and b) she's obsessed with the number 13 and if you subtract 17 from 30 you get 13 and so they're meant to be together forever, duh. How does she express this obsessive love of hers? Well, before they meet in the flesh, Charlene kisses Danny's face when he appears on her TV.

She's also inspired to create interpretive dance routines to news reports about his trial.

"it's jazz, tap, and ballet all rolled into one"

She gets a Lucky 13 tattoo...or maybe she just draws it on with Sharpie, it's hard to tell.

As you'd expect, she masturbates face-down in the bathtub.

Most importantly, however, Charlene writes letters to Danny incessantly- sometimes 3 a day!- so when he manages to escape from the back of a cop car, he limps, bloodied and bruised, right into her lovin' arms.

That is, she'd like 'em to be her lovin' arms, but Danny's pretty bashful and put off by the fact that she's a prostitute. Don't worry, though, her winsome ways win him over eventually. OOPS SPOILER. But seriously, though, Charlene is just so strange that it doesn't take long for the viewer to succumb to her bizarre charms. In fact, that's true of Running Hot as a whole. As Danny and Charlene travel from Los Angeles to the Arizona desert, we're treated to all kinds of seedy, sordid goodness. To wit:

There are pimps in banana hammocks and hookers who read comic books!

that's Virgil Frye, the dad of Soleil Moon "Punky Brewster" Frye, just thought you should know

People bust out guns and blow people away at the slightest provocation!

Sorrells Pickard provides some of the most indelible lines in the films, such as "Don't get wise with me, fuckbutt."

If IMDb.com dates are accurate, Juliette Cummins is 19-20, playing 12!

There are some really weird-ass sexnanigans!

And finally, the Running Hot gallery of l'arte du sleaze:

He ends this conversation by saying "Nice nips."

Man, there's just so much more but you should really experience Running Hot for yourself, preferably with a group of friends and a group of beers. Watching it at the drive-in would be best, but as it's not 1984 anymore, I'm willing to let that go. Eric Stoltz is a bit of a dullard, but hey, it was his first starring role. Whatever spark he lacks is made up for by Stuart Margolin chewing up the scenery as the detective hot on Danny's trail, and newcomer Carrico, who seems game for anything. Get out your banana hammocks and your nips and give this one a whirl...you won't regret it! Or you might, if you're a jerk. But you're not.

OR ARE YOU?