Ridiculous Faces of Death 8: Blood of Dracula

I've been watching the wrong movies, I guess, because I haven't spotted a Ridiculous Face of Death in ages. "Then whatchoo postin' 'bout, Willis?", you might say- a legitimate question, if oddly phrased. Well, the arbiter of taste and (I assume) good grooming himself, one Mr. Arbogast, brought the following RFoD to my attention. It's from Blood of Dracula (1957), which I've never seen. According to Arbo's write-up on it, however, Blood of Dracula essentially seems to be I Was a Teenage Girl Dracula, a concept I can get behind. The fact that the film features such a fine RFoD has me doubly getting behind it. Or something.

Ridiculous Faces of Death 7: The Hand

I'm not exactly sure why, but I found Stella Roche (Annie McEnroe), a supporting character in yesterday's Film Club flick The Hand, to be...I don't know- fascinating might be too strong of a word. Intriguing, maybe? Yes, intriguing. Stella was a townie girl who had a reputation of being a bit stuck-up, though who can say why. She worked at the grocery store. She rode a motorcycle. She was taking classes at the local community college- in cartooning of all things, and her sketchbook efforts were absolutely dreadful but she didn't seem to notice. She drank her beer out of a can and she liked to "make it" in a bed- as her professor, Jon Lansdale (Michael Caine), found out one afternoon. She was just one of those characters I wanted to learn more about.

I never really got a chance. For reasons unknown, Stella decided to spend the 2-week Christmas holiday vacation in Los Angeles with Jon's friend- and he was hinting to Jon that it would be nothing but 2 weeks-o-humpin'. This made Jon mad. This made Jon's severed hand attack! Poor Stella felt the hand's fury underneath Jon's Christmas tree. The tragedy of death seemed...err, not so tragic later on when police found Stella stuffed in the trunk of Jon's car:

Siiiigh. She looks like an extra from the recently released DVD Dawn of the Dead '78: The Special Needs Edition.

Ridiculous Faces of Death 6

It seems that even body-horror maestro David Cronenberg can't resist a little cross-eyed corpse action. Witness this goon from Scanners:

"Duh...me am dead!"

From The Department of Awesome:

Remember Heidi, the Glamorous Assistant from The Initiation? Yes, of course you do.

Well, Joy Tipping, the actress who brought our favorite Glamorous Assistant to life, found her way here to Final Girl and left us a Glamorous Comment:

"I sure appreciate all the Heidi-love I'm seeing..."

How friggin' cool is that? Go read the rest of her comment right here and let her know how much we heart Heidi!

In other news...

This arrived in my mailbox yesterday:

I'll see you all in 50 years when I'm finally tired of watching it. It's a GAS!

Ridiculous Faces of Death 5

Check it, kids- from Casey at the superfine blog Cinema Fromage comes this Ridiculous Face of Death...I give you a shot from Frankenhooker!

Now, I haven't seen Frankenhooker since a midnight showing back in college so I can't tell you this dude's name- in fact, all I remember is the line "Oh, Jeffrey...jumbo heaven!" 'cause that's a line you just don't forget. I know that movie is goofy as hell, but even so I'd think Emperor Palpatine-style lightning shooting through your head might make you do more than frown and cross your eyes.

Jumbo heaven, indeed!

Ridiculous Faces of Death 4

I can think of nary more horrific than getting each of one's limbs caught in a bear trap. Coupled with a throat slashing, it seems like an extremely painful way to die. The face pulled by Rick (Taylor Lacher) when he's caught in that very same predicament in Devil Times Five, however, makes it seem...well, not so bad.

You know, on second thought, maybe what Rick's doing here is for the benefit of humanity. He's reminding us that despite all the misery we inflict upon each other, despite the cruelty of the world, we can always find room for a smile. Cross your eyes and loll your tongue at the pain of life, baby, and you'll be fine. See, he's given us a little something called...hope.

Thank you, Rick, wherever you are. Thank you.

Ridiculous Faces of Death 3

It's been a while since the face pulled by a horror movie actor made me go "Wow. That's...ridiculous!" and chortle.

Long before he squared off against those rascally Duke boys as Boss Hogg, Sorrell Booke had to square off against a murderous Leif Garrett in Devil Times Five. After Booke's Harvey Beckman beats his juvenile opponent at chess, he's treated to a hatchet in the back; the audience, however, is treated to this:

Not to be to...puerile here, but this looks as if Beckman has encountered a case of bad burritos rather than, you know, a sharp object in his back.

Even Rosco P. Coltrane would be ashamed!

Ridiculous Faces of Death 2

I think we can all agree that John Carpenter's Halloween is a classic of the horror genre and a pioneering film in the slasher sub-genre. Even if you're not a fan, the film deserves its props, yo. While the film is still spooky after all this time and remains a favorite of mine, there's no denying the moment when one can only think..."Wow! Now that's a ridiculous face of death!"

I'm referring, of course, to my beloved Nancy Loomis as Annie. On her way to pick up her boyfriend Paul- yes, it's true...she can no longer stall- she's accosted by the backseat boogeyman Michael Myers. He pops up suddenly and chokes Annie, ascary scene made all the more frightening by the layer of foggy glass Carpenter puts between the viewer and the action.

Annie gasps and gaks and writhes until eventually Myers cuts her throat and puts her out of her misery. Terrifying...until Annie does her famous cross-eyed slide down the foggy windshield.

I'm noticing a trend...do people really go cross-eyed when they die? It never seems to happen in something like Terms of Endearment. Or Steel Magnolias...did Julia Roberts pull a face like that? How odd.

In other news, there's a new Horror Roundtable up at The Horror Blog, a fine fine site if I do say so myself. The question this week is "What is your favorite horror weapon?" There's some great answers up there...go forth, read, and comment. I love participating the Horror Roundtable. I feel like Dorothy muthafuckin Parker, y'all!

Ridiculous Faces of Death 1

I'm sure as fine connoisseurs of horror you've all experienced this phenomena at one time or another: the Ridiculous Death Face. It occurs when the actor or actress portraying the hapless victim pulls...well, a mighty ridiculous face when they're being shown what for by the film's psycho.

Having never been killed or killed someone in real life, I have no idea if people actually make faces like this when they're dying. Frankly, I don't want to know because that's a little morbid. Having never acted in a horror film, I don't know if the director tells these actors to...uh, emote this way or not. But when watching a movie, whether a good or bad one, whether I'm sucked into the action or not, these silly faces bring everything to a screeching halt, if only for a minute.

So, to introduce this new feature to the hallowed halls of Final Girl, I give you the eeeevil Dr. Crews (Terry Kiser) from Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood. After meeting the business end of Jason's mighty yard trimmer:

This is what we get:

Dr. Crews, I knew you were a jerk when you used Tina's mother as a human shield...and sad to say, it's therefore fitting that you die looking so stupid.

Ridiculous Faces of Death!

I'm sure as fine connoisseurs of horror you've all experienced this phenomena at one time or another: the Ridiculous Death Face. It occurs when the actor or actress portraying the hapless victim pulls...well, a mighty ridiculous face when they're being shown what for by the film's psycho.

Having never killed nor been killed in real life, I have no idea if people actually make faces like this when they're dying. Frankly, I don't want to know because that's a little morbid. Having never acted in a horror film, I don't know if the director tells these actors to...uh, emote this way or not. But when watching a movie, whether a good or bad one, whether I'm sucked into the action or not, these silly faces bring everything to a screeching halt, if only for a minute.

• Friday the 13th Part VII
• Halloween
• Devil Times Five: 1 / 2
• Frankenhooker
• Scanners
• The Hand
• Blood of Dracula