A Wee Streaming Guide for These Troubled Times

Things sure feel weird right about now, don't they? I don't know about you, but I'm vacillating between It's just temporarily different! Everything will be fine! I'm feelin' good and I'm gonna get stuff done and I'm gonna watch all the movies and read all the books! and being completely consumed by a vague, existential dread/anxiety that leaves me unable to do much of anything. Oh well. We will all get through this together, by which I mean sealed away alone inside of our own homes. I used to pine for a real swamp hag cave or cottage, but now I'm thinking I'll end up in a big swamp hag hamster ball, rollin' around safe from germs, just cackling away. Something to look forward to!

But for now, we're all living that shut-in life. A kind Gaylords of Darkness listener wrote and asked if Anthony and I have any streaming horror movie recommendations for all of us in This Time of Plague. We sure do! And we've gone and made lists of 'em. This is not completely comprehensive, of course, but it ain't a bad place to start. Most subgenres are covered. There are classics that perhaps you haven't seen in a while and there's some you might not have seen yet. If you're looking for a particular film, I highly suggest checking JustWatch. It's a streaming service database that will tell you everywhere a film is streaming, whether for free or for rental. Oh! And also, Shudder is currently offering a 30 day free trial, if you use the code SHUTIN. I love Shudder.

Now how about some recommendations? Some of these we've discussed or mentioned on the show, some I've talked about here, and some we just enjoy.

Netflix: 

THE VVITCH

HEAD COUNT

AUTOPSY OF JANE DOE

CANDYMAN

CHILD'S PLAY

CULT OF CHUCKY

THE ENDLESS

THE EVIL DEAD

THE INVITATION

MOHAWK

TRAIN TO BUSAN

UNDER THE SKIN

MARIANNE

DRACULA

AS ABOVE SO BELOW

ROSEMARY’S BABY

THE RITUAL

GREEN ROOM

CARRIERS

EVENT HORIZON

FINAL DESTINATION

THE BYE BYE MAN (haha jk just wanted to see if you were actually reading this)

UNDER THE SHADOW

THE LAST EXORCISM

THE PERFECTION

AWAIT FURTHER INSTRUCTIONS

Hulu: 

THELMA

LITTLE MONSTERS

TRAGEDY GIRLS

MOM AND DAD

PYEWACKET

THE DESCENT

BUG (cockroaches that fart fire, you can't go wrong)

Amazon: 

SUSPIRIA

HEREDITARY

LAKE MUNGO

CHOPPING MALL

BONE TOMAHAWK

TRIANGLE

MIDSOMMAR

ANNIHILATION

NIGHT OF THE DEMONS

THE HOUSE OF THE DEVIL

THE NEW DAUGHTER

SLUGS

SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT PART 2

THE RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD

THE INNKEEPERS

NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD

THE TOWN THAT DREADED SUNDOWN (1977)

JACOB’S LADDER

NOSFERATU THE VAMPYRE

DOLLS

SPIDER BABY

LONG WEEKEND

Shudder: 

THE HOUSE OF THE DEVIL

BEAST

THE CHANGELING

DEEP RED

LUZ

ONE CUT OF THE DEAD

IN THE MOUTH OF MADNESS

HELLO MARY LOU: PROM NIGHT II

THE FOG

AUDITION

HELL NIGHT

SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE II

KNIFE + HEART

THE WAILING

BLOODY BIRTHDAY

MADHOUSE

DEAD & BURIED

WAKE WOOD

THE OLD DARK HOUSE

SATAN’S SLAVES

STARRY EYES

DARK WATER

DEMONS

NOROI: THE CURSE

BLACK CHRISTMAS

THE EXORCIST III

BLOOD RAGE

THE HOUSE BY THE CEMETERY

THE LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT OF ROSALIND LEIGH

A TALE OF TWO SISTERS

Got a fave you don't see listed? Feel free to drop it in the comments! I know times are strange and stressful, but hey, if Angela Vidal can make it through [REC] then surely we can make it through this. Take care of yourself, take care of each other. Let's watch some horror movies.

News you can...well "use" seems strong, but

It's been a while. How are you? Are you too worried about the grippe, or not worried enough? Have you bought all of the toilet paper available in your neighborhood? How are you spending your quarantine? I will not lie, my swamp hag shut-in lifestyle actually lends itself quite well to this whole early-apocalypse scenario! It's those poor fools who enjoy things like "sunshine" and "fresh air" that have to worry. I always knew those things would ultimately be bad for me, and trust, my rickets and I are ride this one out just fine.

But! As the world burns and our lungs fill, there are other matters at hand. Important matters. Final Girl matters! Here are some of them:

Okay, fine, I haven't been posting here nearly as often as I should. But that ain't mean I don't still got lukewarm opinions sitting/dissolving under a heat lamp! They just require visiting places besides this website, which I know is hard. You've had this site and only this site open since what, 2005 or so? And your refreshes hardly ever bear cyberfruit.

However, if you've picked up issues of Rue Morgue in the last few months (and why wouldn't you? RM is the best), then perhaps you've seen my name, for it is there I've been a-reviewin'. One film I've seen and talked about for the magazine is Blood on Her Name, which SPOILER ALERT I dug a whole bunch. It's more neo-noir thriller than horror for sure, but who cares? It's intense and anchored by Bethany Anne Lind's fantastic performance. Rue Morgue posted an exclusive clip, which I'm posting here! Highly recommended.


The podcast I co-host, Gaylords of Darkness, continues apace with new episodes every Wednesday. We spent all of February (and then some) on a series we call Great Value Slashers, wherein we discuss slasher flicks that fall outside of the major franchises. Mind you, Great Value Slashers can and do vary wildly in quality--sure, we talk about the greatest of the Greats, like My Bloody Valentine, but we also talk about...whatever the fuck Nail Gun Massacre is.

I love them both! I love every movie we talked about, from Curtains to Don't Go in the Woods...Alone! to everything in between. In fact, the Great Value Slashers really reignited my love of the subgenre. Slashers are the reason I started this dang blog in the first place! They're the formative horror films of my youth! Rewatching the slashers of yore is a terrific way to spend some time. I admit I'm reticent to watch many (most) (all?) of the modern ones, but revisiting classics and trash-ics alike still holds a thrill. I'm looking at them with new eyes (or, to be more exact, older, worse eyes) and it's often a bit like seeing them for the first time. My tastes have changed since Final Girl was born, and I'm a different kind of viewer. A better one, I think. Or, at least, I want a little more out of horror movies than a demand that it scares me or I can make fun of it.

We'll be dropping a Great Value Slasher episode from time to time--there are so many movies to talk about, and my co-host Anthony and I have such fun with them--so give us a subscribe if you like! Gaylords of Darkness is available wherever you find podcasts, or you listen to episodes right on our website.

Lastly, Final Girl is nominated for a Rondo Award! Wholly unexpected, super wholly flattering. Here's a link to the ballot. It's all done by email (ballots are due by March 29th) and the list of nominees is a bit daunting. I'm down under Best Website. If you feel Final Girl deserves that, then gimme a vote why don'tcha.

Is that all the news? I think it is. I didn't like The Lodge. Maybe I would have if I hadn't already seen Goodnight Mommy and really disliked its last 20 minutes or so. Oh well. I'm excited for Saint Maud next month! Aren't you glad you know that now? Scratch this post title...this is all news you can definitely use.