Andre Dumas did not write
The Three Musketeers, although it would be easy to get her confused with Alexandre Dumas. I believe that he, too, was a "cat enthusiast" and "blood lover". Or maybe I made that up- who knows? on't be so uptight. Anyway, Andre runs herself a fine blog over at
The Horror Digest. She just wrapped up a fantastic series of horror-related tributes for Black History Month and she's racking up an impressive list of reviews rather quickly.
Every time I visit her blog, I expect the banner to say "Where horror movies are reduced, reused, and recycled", but it never does.
1) What's the key moment that led you to click that "Start Your Blog" button?Unemployment. Somewhere along the 3rd month, sitting around wearing no pants just wasn’t fun anymore.
2) Please describe your blog in no more than 3 sentences. You must include the words / phrases "morbid", "aesthetic", and "electromagnetic".Despite having an electromagnetic black background, the Horror Digest is not morbid. It is a blog devoted the aesthetic nature of horror rather than the nature of boobs.
3) Bearing in mind that opinions are subjective (except mine because I'm always right), do you enjoy movies that are generally considered "bad"? Why or why not?YES. I love bad movies but only if they are good bad movies, like
Showgirls (but only the version with digitally added clothing) and
Wild Things.
4) Did you know that there exists one variety of carnivorous parrot? It's true. They live in the mountains of New Zealand, and they eat the fat surrounding the kidneys of sheep- WHILE THE SHEEP ARE ALIVE. It's horrible.Sounds like a good horror movie I just saw called
Carnivorous Parrots of New Zealand. You should check that one that out.
5) What's the one- ONE- horror movie you love so much you want to stick it down your pants?Oh boy. Ooooh jeez this is hard. I’m having trouble concentrating cause the woman using the copy machine just farted and I can’t breathe but ummmm ok if I have to choose…..
Suspiria!
6) Adrienne Barbeau. Discuss. If she could have just found a better babysitter than stupid old Mrs. Kobritz I would have liked her better. But yeah she’s okay.
7) Why should people bother to read your blog? Because I like cats, potato chips and horror movies…honestly how can you go wrong?
8) Where does Jigsaw get all the money he needs to build all those traps and buy all that warehouse space? Better yet, does he have some sort of engineering background? He must, right, if he designs all that crap? Jigsaw is what I like to call an asshole. Just because you have cancer doesn’t mean you can do that to people OK?!! He did tell me that gets his money from Google Adsense. I know what you’re thinking and the answer is-yeah, he gets a lot of hits.
9) Several theories regarding the reasons why people would subject themselves to watching horror films (when they're so, you know, traumatic) exist. Which is closest in line with your feelings on and reactions to the genre? Feel free to elaborate. Or don't, see if I care. a) RELIEF THEORY: The unpleasant feelings of distress cause more stimulating feelings of relief when the unpleasantness passes- the stressed arousal caused by fear becomes pleasurable arousal later on. b) CONTINUOUS REWARD: The excitement felt during the film is the appeal in and of itself. c) SOCIAL THEORIES: 1) Stereotypical gender roles are reinforced: men act as protectors, women need protection. 2) Violating social norms- watching "deviant" entertainment- is exciting. 3) Experiencing heightened emotions with others makes us feel like we "belong" and we're truly part of a group. B. I refuse to elaborate because I have to pee.
10) Which year produced better horror movies: 1977 or 1981? Why? Clearly based on my which horror movie would you put down your pants answer I will be picking 1977.
11) What the eff is up with those French and their crazy horror flicks? Let me get something straight right now. I freaking love French horror movies. They are the new Asian horror and by far the best movies that are coming out right now period. You feel me?
Andre Dumas, living blogger. Or Alexandre Dumas, dead author. Dammit, it's so confusing!Well I know technically they are arachnids, but
Arachnophobia wins it for me. It’s pretty funny you guys! (and scary too!)
13) If Jason Voorhees is on a train heading east at 80mph and Leatherface is on a train heading west at 65mph…why the hell would anyone ever watch Rob Zombie's Halloween?If a new Papa Ginos hadn’t just opened up across the street from me yesterday I would have answered this differently- but the answer is I don’t know man.
14) What are your funereal wishes? To have John Landis read my eulogy which would just be a gigantic love letter to him from me. I already wrote it.
Andre Dumas, always looking for new perspectives on that one nude.Because she’s a hottie. Plus she was pretty fab in the
Stepfather.
16) You're on a sinking ghost ship that's being piloted by a witch. What are your last words?I can’t answer this until I know whether she’s a good witch or a bad witch.
17) Asking about your funereal wishes and your last words means nothing, I swear. Oh it means something alright. It means you knew what my funeral wishes were and that you wanted everyone else to know just how much John Landis cares about me. It’s okay, I understand.
18) Do you know where I can get some lye?Depends on what you want to use it for. If you’re just looking to cure some eggs or pretzels, a food grade lye would be pretty easy to find as long as it’s meets the requirements outlined by the FDA. But if you’re trying to clean your drain out (which I know you are because you keep killing people in your bathtub) then you would need a lower grade lye which can be trickier to find. So no I don’t really know anything about that.
19) Weren't you glad when THAT JERK in THAT HORROR MOVIE got what was coming to him? People really need to start cutting David Copperfield some slack. If you think doing a magic show on a moving train is so easy, then you try it.
David Copperfield, preparing to cut his OWN slack.The 70s by far. Groovy, beautiful, original, GREAT. Good stuff all around.
21) Would you rather be: 1) a vampire 2) a witch/warlock 3) a werewolf 4) a Frankenstein (and yes, I know technically it’s “Frankenstein’s monster” but “a Frankenstein” sounds better)5) a Jaws Jaws. I’m terrified of sharks so if I was one then maybe I could get over that fear. Hopefully I won’t be as stupid as that other jaws and gladly swallow a pressurized air tank. Dumbass. Also sharks have no enemies- except “killer whales or orcas” but I refuse to believe that Free Willy could eat Jaws that’s just….that’s just ridiculous!
22) If you could turn back time- if you could find a way- would you take back those words that hurt me, so I’d stay? If you’re referring to when I said you were killing people in your bathtub then no, I meant those words. If you are referring to when I said you weren’t as cool as me then yes, I wish I could take it back.
23) What's something you want people to know about you or your blog that I didn't ask? I once tried changing my background color to white and my font to blue. It didn’t work out.
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Big thanks to
Alexandre Andre! Kids, if you're a horror blogger and you want to be featured here, then
read and find out how. Meanwhile, keep your dial set to Final Girl for another exciting episode of...THE BLOGGENAIRES!
She may not have been THEEEE first victim in the Friday the 13th series, but good ol' Annie (Robbi Morgan) was certainly the first victim to let audiences know that hey, this is Friday the effing 13th, and it ain't no Halloween.
Undaunted, Annie hops into Enos's truck for a ride closer to her final destination (pun totally intended). Rather than heed the trucker's cries of "Quit!" or Crazy Ralph's cries of "It's got a death curse!" warning her about Camp Blood, Annie climbs into Mrs. Voorhees's Jeep of Doom to continue her journey.
Annie begins to talk excitedly about her upcoming stint as the camp's cook- it's long been her dream to work with children (not kids- that makes them sound like little goats) and she just can't wait to get to Camp Crystal Lake! You know Mrs. Voorhees had a fucking vice grip on the steering wheel the whole time, thinking to herself, "If you love children so much then WHY DID YOU LET MY JASON DROWN 20 YEARS AGO?"
After her suggestion that the driver...you know, stop driving the wrong way is met with the pedal pressed to the metal, Annie knows that something's hinky and she takes a leap outta dat Jeep. Go, Annie, go!
Hobbling admirably on a twisted ankle, Annie heads into the woods in an attempt to escape the driver, who's now become her pursuer. Unfortunately, Annie trips one too many times; plaid meets plaid in a battle to the death! Okay, it's not so much a battle as it is one person ignoring pleas for mercy and opting to make with le slash-slash.
Friday the 13th is now roughly 30 years old (holy crapping crap) and though it may not seem so shocking nowadays, scenes like this one made the film groundbreaking. It wasn't the first slasher flick, but Friday's graphic violence set it apart from its predecessors and marked it as the first true entry in the slasher cycle. Subtlety and artistry were gone, and explicit gore was in. Friday the 13th was crass, silly...and yes, it was scary. As far as I'm concerned, it's still all of those things three decades on. R.I.P. Annie!
1) What's the key moment that led you to click that "Start Your Blog" button?
4) Did you know that there exists one variety of carnivorous parrot? It's true. They live in the mountains of New Zealand, and they eat the fat surrounding the kidneys of sheep- WHILE THE SHEEP ARE ALIVE. It's horrible.
Andre Dumas, living blogger. Or Alexandre Dumas, dead author. Dammit, it's so confusing!
Andre Dumas, always looking for new perspectives on that one nude.
David Copperfield, preparing to cut his OWN slack.
It's on Netflix instant watch and available for cheap in all the world's finest stores. Why, I got a copy on VHS for the low, low price of one dollar! Or, The Maddest Price of One Hundred Pennies.
Here’s a hokey creature double feature that finally proves beyond a reasonable doubt what horror fans have known forever: industrial toxic waste- be it puke yellow or neon green- inevitably turns living beings into blood-thirsty monsters. As a society, we should be thankful that this DVD now exists to warn the ignorant. As horror fans, however, “thankful” may not be the right term, exactly.
Well, that wasn't very good. It wasn't near the debacle I thought it was going to be (or it's been made out to be), but it didn't come close to achieving its lofty goals about the nature of good and evil and the duality within mankind. It's a bit of a mess, though the blinking hypnosis machine is quite the product of the late 1970s, as it was the dawning of the age of New Age. And, of course, let's not forget The Sparkly Top Hat Tap Dance Revue. Or Dana Plato, R.I.P.
True (and possibly gross) story: A long time ago in a galaxy...well, in this galaxy, I lived with someone. One fine evening this so-called Co-Habi-Tron 2000 got a stomach bug and barfed. Barfed on the way to the bathroom. Now, I've not had a stomach bug since 1st grade and I've never had food poisoning. I'm not a vomiter, unless...yes, there have been some alcohol-related times but what can you do? I live on the edge, and I always fight for my right to party.
It all starts innocently enough. People "act a bit funny". A man spends several hours quietly videotaping the swirl of a snail's shell. Soon enough, however, many of the citizens of Kurouzu are completely obsessed with the vortex pattern- like, obsessed to the point that they begin to harm themselves in some incredibly grotesque ways. Everywhere they look, they see the spirals. Their brains are broken by the curse, and the only hope, it seems, is to remove all signs of the spiral from their environment. That sounds easy enough, but ask yourself this: is a life without Pecan Spins a life worth living?
None of it is really explained, so you're going to be left with questions in the end, like: Why is the town cursed, exactly? And...how do people turn into giant snails...? But this is an imaginative, bizarre just take the ride kind of horror film, and as such it's both unsettling and entertaining. The idea that thoughts can become obsessive to the point where they lead you to break as many of your own bones as possible- and you think it's a capital plan- is truly terrifying. I'm glad I got over my weird puke obsession when I did.
