FINAL GIRL explores the slasher flicks of the '70s and '80s...and all the other horror movies I feel like talking about, too. This is life on the EDGE, so beware yon spoilers!

Feb 28, 2008

Thursday is complete

This is sure to put some spring in your step.

Ah, Killer Workout. Someday...someday I'll get around to reviewing this movie, I swear. It's like a bottle of fine wine, though- you know, like Night Train or Wild Irish Rose or something- that I'm saving for a special occasion. I watch it, but I can't quite get myself to write about it, because, well, how can I? This video speaks louder than I ever could.

Does the song not kick ass? Killer Workout has the best '80s horror soundtrack by people you've never heard of, period. This isn't some John Hughes superstar-laden affair a la Pretty In Pink; Killer Workout simply boasts some of the best anonymous eurotechnocrap in all of moviedom. To wit: the soundtrack features a song called "Aerobicide".

The song in the video above, "Only You Tonight", is performed by someone who's not completely anonymous: Donna DeLory, who's undoubtedly best known as half of Donna and Niki, Madonna's back-up singers throughout the 80s and 90s.

What? I love Madonna. Don't you? And don't you love that Killer Workout video? Come on. Of note:

- the hideous-looking woman with the enormous boobs
- the woman who looks like Michael Jackson circa "Thriller"
- Rhonda's exaggerated eye-rolling and general bad attitude
- condom spillage, indicating that the girl is a slut
- said slut's fingerless gloves, high heels, and massive wedgie
- dubious exercises
- the shot of the woman on the exercise bike, trying to get healthy, for "comic effect"
- the sinister zoom on Jimmy

Not to mention it's just the best song ever. I bet it's stuck in your head right now, making for a kickass Thursday!


Sarah said...

Oh crap, Aerobicide? Does this mean Kathleen Hanna is a closeted slasher fan? She has a song called "Aerobicide" on the Julie Ruin album.

Anonymous said...

Intensely awesome clip. Very excited to read your review and actually see the movie.

This class isn't aerobics, it's slut boot-camp. I enjoy boobs as much as the next person, but you, miss @ 1:44, you should be ashamed of yourself! Just silly.

As far as Madonna, I quote South Park:
"Madonna is an old anorexic whore who wore out her welcome years ago, and that now she suddenly speaks with a British accent and she thinks she can play guitar and she should go fuck herself."

Theron said...

DUDE! WTF? This video is no longer available? What a tease...

Stacie Ponder said...

Theron, I'm playing it right now! It better be available for all eternity.

Sarah, I can only dream that Kathleen Hanna likes slasher movies. I dunno, though...maybe "Aerobicide" is just kind of obvious.

Isn't the 1:44 girl repulsive? And she's in the movie ALOT.

I love Killer Workout!!!

Unknown said...

Haha which hideous-looking woman with the enormous boobs were you talking about?

TALKING MOVIEzzz said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Stacie Ponder said...

"which hideous-looking woman with the enormous boobs were you talking about?"

That's 1:44 girl!

It's too bad this movie is so hard to find; as much as I love it, it's really not worth more than $5. I mean, it's terrible. Good terrible, but still.

Now the soundtrack, on the other hand...why, that's priceless!

Unknown said...

I have no idea why but that video just made me want to go and dig out my old G.L.O.W. tapes. Maybe it is just the spandexy 80s vibe? I checked Amazon and it looks like a few sellers have it up for about $13 with shipping. I've never bought more than a book from a seller from there but this is tempting..

Also on a different subject I just had to say that I now know what everyone was talking about before "The Hand That Rocks the Cradle" did in fact totally rock my skull! (See I wasn't joking when I said I'd be able to speak about it around Friday morning)

Anonymous said...

The fact that there isn't a crap slasher titled Bikini Kill is mind-boggling.

Tim Bird said...

After watching that I'm reminded of the short "Aerobicise" videos that used to play on HBO between movies around 1980. It was all T&A shots of women bending over in tights. All I can seem to remember is lots of extreme close-ups of lip glossed open mouth breathing. Still strangely erotic after all these years.

Bloody Mary said...

Just so you know, I was afraid to click to play that video because you said "condom spillage". Ew!

By FAR the best workout show ever was :20 Minute Workout - Arlaine & Bess were the shiznit, but I don't know how anybody could stand to listen to Nicole - go find it on YouTube! (I got that exact same blue & white striped leotard Nicole wears in one video posted for my 14th birthday (1985) - it had a coordinating mini-skirt to pull over it.

RJ said...

If I remember correctly, that movie is covered in Suzanne Vega. Either that or someone a lot similar.

All I really remember is, "She's a KNOCK OUT! You better WATCH OUT!"

You have to review it someday, if only so you can explain to me who the 2 diff body builders were/who the main character was (besides Rhonda, of course)/what the point of the cop's random hook up is.

Anonymous said...

Why is there a farmer in overalls on the bike machine? Why are the women working out with no one actually instructing them (by example) though the workout? And if it's really a workout, why are they all in full makeup and teased hair?

Only you tonight, Stacie.

Anonymous said...

Okay, now I DO see the instructor actually jumps in wit the routine like, twice. But why is she clapping her hands and yelling "come on!" and skulking around like Bob Fosse? A really, really eye-rolly Bob Fosse.

Stacie Ponder said...

Rhonda is cranky and rolls her eyes at EVERYONE. She doesn't suffer fools!